Eve Ate the Apple
a retelling of the Garden of Eden story3 total reviews
Comment from SimianSavant
This is hilarious and I expect will do really well in the contest. Your use of slang is on point. If we did a lot more of these contexts, we could make a book out of it.
Some light proofreading all around would help. Mostly little stuff like snake/sanke (his Japanese alcoholic name), quotation marks and caps, that kinda stuff. The other thing I was wondering if I missed it was: where does God place a bet with Mr. Snake? I've read this a couple times now and did not see it.
Fantastic work all around and I hope to see you back in another one of my stupid contests. I'm all out of sides after throwing them out like candy in the "change one letter" contest. But here's a banana 🍌
🦍
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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This is hilarious and I expect will do really well in the contest. Your use of slang is on point. If we did a lot more of these contexts, we could make a book out of it.
Some light proofreading all around would help. Mostly little stuff like snake/sanke (his Japanese alcoholic name), quotation marks and caps, that kinda stuff. The other thing I was wondering if I missed it was: where does God place a bet with Mr. Snake? I've read this a couple times now and did not see it.
Fantastic work all around and I hope to see you back in another one of my stupid contests. I'm all out of sides after throwing them out like candy in the "change one letter" contest. But here's a banana 🍌
🦍
Comment Written 08-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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thanks a lot
Comment from RodG
I found your story amusing, mostly because of your use of modern jive language. Snake certainly was a con man and Eve was so gullible. I like the plot twist where Jehovah had made a bet with Snake prior to the apple incident. Rod
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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I found your story amusing, mostly because of your use of modern jive language. Snake certainly was a con man and Eve was so gullible. I like the plot twist where Jehovah had made a bet with Snake prior to the apple incident. Rod
Comment Written 30-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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thanks a lot
Comment from Gunner Lil
This reader enjoyed reading this contest entry, twice.
Excellent dialogue that moves the story along.
Liked how the snake used Eve's needs to con her.
Thanks for sharing and good luck.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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This reader enjoyed reading this contest entry, twice.
Excellent dialogue that moves the story along.
Liked how the snake used Eve's needs to con her.
Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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thanks a lot
