The Laptop
The Switch contest entry2 total reviews
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
This piece is a thrilling and inventive narrative that mixes suspense with humor, and it holds the reader's attention throughout. The twist of finding a contest entry in a suitcase and the ensuing action is both original and engaging.
Your vivid descriptions bring the intense confrontation to life, and the interplay between the protagonist's mundane vacation and the dramatic encounter is well-executed. The contrast between the seemingly trivial nature of the suitcase contents and the high stakes of the story adds depth and intrigue.
The pacing is fast and keeps the reader on edge, especially during the action scene. The final twist, where the protagonist reflects on the true quality of the contest entry versus the excitement of the experience, is a clever and satisfying conclusion.
A few areas could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, the transition between the suitcase discovery and the action scene could be smoothed out to enhance the flow. Some of the action descriptions might benefit from more concise language to maintain the suspense and keep the reader fully immersed in the moment.
Overall, this story is a creative and gripping read with a well-crafted blend of humor and tension. The unique premise and dynamic narrative make it stand out, and the final twist leaves a memorable impression. Great job!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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This piece is a thrilling and inventive narrative that mixes suspense with humor, and it holds the reader's attention throughout. The twist of finding a contest entry in a suitcase and the ensuing action is both original and engaging.
Your vivid descriptions bring the intense confrontation to life, and the interplay between the protagonist's mundane vacation and the dramatic encounter is well-executed. The contrast between the seemingly trivial nature of the suitcase contents and the high stakes of the story adds depth and intrigue.
The pacing is fast and keeps the reader on edge, especially during the action scene. The final twist, where the protagonist reflects on the true quality of the contest entry versus the excitement of the experience, is a clever and satisfying conclusion.
A few areas could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, the transition between the suitcase discovery and the action scene could be smoothed out to enhance the flow. Some of the action descriptions might benefit from more concise language to maintain the suspense and keep the reader fully immersed in the moment.
Overall, this story is a creative and gripping read with a well-crafted blend of humor and tension. The unique premise and dynamic narrative make it stand out, and the final twist leaves a memorable impression. Great job!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much for the outstanding review, Patty. At first I read the rules wrong. I thought it was a 'minimum' of a 1000 words. That's why I did some stretching out of stuff. After I was pretty well finished is when I saw that it was 'up to' a thousand words but I just left it the same.
I dearly appreciate the generous stars and suggestions. I'll keep that in mind for the next one. Thank you again, Patty. Have yourself a great night.
=]
Ron
Comment from SimianSavant
Whoever could have written this? Hmmmm. I could never possibly imagine. This will be hard to beat, but I reckon I can match it in perverse humor. I have only a few hours left to finish...
SS
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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Whoever could have written this? Hmmmm. I could never possibly imagine. This will be hard to beat, but I reckon I can match it in perverse humor. I have only a few hours left to finish...
SS
Comment Written 28-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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Thank you for the awesome review and giant six, SS. Yeah, I'm pretty easy to spot on here. Everyone else is too lame to appreciate a ridiculous, action packed adventure. What can you do? Lol. I appreciate it, friend. I'm glad you liked this crazy piece.
Ron