Pieces
a cinquain16 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So true. I'm pretty most Americans don't really feel secure right now as they worry about what's happening in the US. Thank you for sharing this entry with us. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2024
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So true. I'm pretty most Americans don't really feel secure right now as they worry about what's happening in the US. Thank you for sharing this entry with us. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2024
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I hope that we will bounce back and be clear to head forward again.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a nice cinquain poem. I imagine it may refer to the health problems you and your wife have experienced during this last year. When we are young and healthy we do feel a security that feels broken when illness strikes.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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This is a nice cinquain poem. I imagine it may refer to the health problems you and your wife have experienced during this last year. When we are young and healthy we do feel a security that feels broken when illness strikes.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Beth. Yes, life is moving in smaller circles.
Comment from juliaSjames
Your poignant pragmatic wry write triggers a memory. A jocular doctor once told me, amidst guffaws, that I was cracking up as he examined my knees. I was amused, NOT!
Indeed we do being to lose our confidence as life erodes the platform on which we built our life thinking it would last forever.
Did you mean " but is now unrepairably"? I assume you are referring to the " where" in the second line from which pieces are crumbling?
Good luck in the contest. I think you have a chance at the podium with this entry.
Blessings, Julia
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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Your poignant pragmatic wry write triggers a memory. A jocular doctor once told me, amidst guffaws, that I was cracking up as he examined my knees. I was amused, NOT!
Indeed we do being to lose our confidence as life erodes the platform on which we built our life thinking it would last forever.
Did you mean " but is now unrepairably"? I assume you are referring to the " where" in the second line from which pieces are crumbling?
Good luck in the contest. I think you have a chance at the podium with this entry.
Blessings, Julia
Comment Written 27-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Julia
Comment from nomi338
Just be glad that none of those pieces fell upon your head. You might have wound up dead or at the very least broken yourself. Those pieces look like they are not the lightest weights, and could probably do much damage if falling from a high enough position.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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Just be glad that none of those pieces fell upon your head. You might have wound up dead or at the very least broken yourself. Those pieces look like they are not the lightest weights, and could probably do much damage if falling from a high enough position.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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I did get hit by a bowling ball, but it was my own fault sleeping on the lanes.
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Dang Bill, how tired were you. If you were hit in the head, that would explain much. :-))
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It's okay, I had a --- spare.
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Good I guess, but what you may have needed was a spare brain.
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I have one in my in my wife's head. I can't have it, but she lets me use it when needed.
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Now that is the definition of great marriage.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
That is a chilling scene here Bill and I had to look twice at that picture to take it all in. Sometimes life takes our breath away and we are defeated by it, a poignant poem, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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That is a chilling scene here Bill and I had to look twice at that picture to take it all in. Sometimes life takes our breath away and we are defeated by it, a poignant poem, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Dolly.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I love everything about this except the last two words. They feel like the Department of Redundancy Department to me. For the same number of syllables, you could use "irretrievably broken." And, for me, that even has an even more angst-riddled, rueful feel to it that would match the rest of your words. Just one writer's opinion, of course, and with the potential to be worth exactly what you paid for it (i.e. NADA!!) I trust you know there's no disrespect intended here, just a writer-to-writer suggestion. I always want you to share your thoughts and ideas with me, too, about my work. It's how we keep improving. xoxo
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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I love everything about this except the last two words. They feel like the Department of Redundancy Department to me. For the same number of syllables, you could use "irretrievably broken." And, for me, that even has an even more angst-riddled, rueful feel to it that would match the rest of your words. Just one writer's opinion, of course, and with the potential to be worth exactly what you paid for it (i.e. NADA!!) I trust you know there's no disrespect intended here, just a writer-to-writer suggestion. I always want you to share your thoughts and ideas with me, too, about my work. It's how we keep improving. xoxo
Comment Written 26-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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This is the second comment of 'unrepairably' that has come from a learn-ed source. In my efforts to defend it, I find no support for this adverb form. Helen thought "irreparably" would do better, with another syllable from somewhere, and now "irretrievably" has arrived. I will go with yours because the syllables align, and my word is apparently not one. Thank you, Rachelle.
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No, unrepairably is a word, but it's not the best one because it causes a pause when we read it, and that's what all of us try to avoid. We want our words to flow like water, with nothing standing in their way to interrupt the flow. And, for me, too, the fact that you paired it with "broken" was unnecessary, since "unrepairably" MEANS "broken." So that part was redundant.
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Not to beat this to death, but I fail to see how broken (which doesn't disallow repair) could be a synonym of unrepairably, (which indicates that repair is out). Whew!
Comment from Lisa Carter1
To all of those suffering in any capacity my heart goes out to them. I pray for the stigma of mental health to disintegrate and help us all come together once again.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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To all of those suffering in any capacity my heart goes out to them. I pray for the stigma of mental health to disintegrate and help us all come together once again.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024
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Thank you for giving this a look, Lisa.
Comment from lyenochka
I liked the meaning of the poem. I think in youth we had too much false security in the wrong things but in faith in God, we can be strong while broken. Best wishes in the contest!
Is "unrepairably" a word? Is it irreparably? Maybe you wanted the extra syllable?
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024
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I liked the meaning of the poem. I think in youth we had too much false security in the wrong things but in faith in God, we can be strong while broken. Best wishes in the contest!
Is "unrepairably" a word? Is it irreparably? Maybe you wanted the extra syllable?
Comment Written 26-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024
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Unrepairable is a synonym of irreparable. Whether it is acceptable as an adverb falls under poetic license. : )
Comment from Wendy G
Very metaphorical, and very relevant to your present lives and those of many others. A very appropriate image has been chosen to accompany your pleasing cinquain. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024
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Very metaphorical, and very relevant to your present lives and those of many others. A very appropriate image has been chosen to accompany your pleasing cinquain. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Wendy
Comment from BOO ghost
Oh, an entry to this new Cinquain poetry contest! Wonderful image! Looks like a good contender for this contest. Pieces is fitting for this genre of poetry. But I haven't seen this version of poetry in many moons. Once upon a time I considered myself a poet like a Troubadour. Not a pro of poetry any longer, but with a quick gaze, this sure looks like a dandy! Wish you luck in this contest!
BOO!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024
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Oh, an entry to this new Cinquain poetry contest! Wonderful image! Looks like a good contender for this contest. Pieces is fitting for this genre of poetry. But I haven't seen this version of poetry in many moons. Once upon a time I considered myself a poet like a Troubadour. Not a pro of poetry any longer, but with a quick gaze, this sure looks like a dandy! Wish you luck in this contest!
BOO!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024
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Thank you, BOO.
