Love at First Sight Exists
It does!2 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
The last line should be:
I knew I was found.
You currently have: NEW ONE
A strange breeze blew A strange breeze blew
I looked around I looked around
And saw you And saw you
And knew it was true I knew I was found
It seems unwieldy the other way. You still did a complete thought, and wrote within the rules so you get your five. I just thought this was cleaner. Karen
  |
The last line should be:
I knew I was found.
You currently have: NEW ONE
A strange breeze blew A strange breeze blew
I looked around I looked around
And saw you And saw you
And knew it was true I knew I was found
It seems unwieldy the other way. You still did a complete thought, and wrote within the rules so you get your five. I just thought this was cleaner. Karen
Comment Written 26-Jul-2024
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your poem effectively captures a moment of sudden realization with its simple yet evocative imagery. The use of "a strange breeze blew" sets a mysterious tone, leading to the profound recognition of seeing someone and knowing it was true.
To refine the flow within the 15-word limit, you might adjust the phrasing slightly. For example, changing "I looked around / And saw you" to "I glanced around / Then saw you" could help maintain a smoother rhythm while keeping the impact of the realization intact.
|
Your poem effectively captures a moment of sudden realization with its simple yet evocative imagery. The use of "a strange breeze blew" sets a mysterious tone, leading to the profound recognition of seeing someone and knowing it was true.
To refine the flow within the 15-word limit, you might adjust the phrasing slightly. For example, changing "I looked around / And saw you" to "I glanced around / Then saw you" could help maintain a smoother rhythm while keeping the impact of the realization intact.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2024