To Drown My Cup
As a man I can't, as a God I won't2 total reviews
Comment from Neonewman
This is an excellent entry for this minute poetry contest you've entered.
You've hit all the points necessary from the contest rules. Best of luck in the contest.
God bless,
Steve
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This is an excellent entry for this minute poetry contest you've entered.
You've hit all the points necessary from the contest rules. Best of luck in the contest.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your poem captures the frustration of dealing with bad days and the desire for constant positivity. Reminds me of the song in a way...
Here are some strengths and suggestions:
Strengths:
1. Emotional Honesty: The poem effectively conveys feelings of sadness and frustration, making it relatable.
2. Conversational Tone: The informal, conversational style adds a personal touch and makes the poem feel accessible.
3. Playful Tone :)
The use of playful language ("Psh, yea I'll say") adds a light-hearted touch to the exploration of a serious topic.
Consider tightening the meter to create a more consistent rhythm throughout. Some metaphors and expressions could be clearer. For instance, "drown my cup" might be rephrased for better understanding. The last line introduces a new metaphor that might feel disconnected from the rest of the poem. Ensure that the final lines tie back to the overall theme. Just my thoughts... either way 5 star poem!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Your poem captures the frustration of dealing with bad days and the desire for constant positivity. Reminds me of the song in a way...
Here are some strengths and suggestions:
Strengths:
1. Emotional Honesty: The poem effectively conveys feelings of sadness and frustration, making it relatable.
2. Conversational Tone: The informal, conversational style adds a personal touch and makes the poem feel accessible.
3. Playful Tone :)
The use of playful language ("Psh, yea I'll say") adds a light-hearted touch to the exploration of a serious topic.
Consider tightening the meter to create a more consistent rhythm throughout. Some metaphors and expressions could be clearer. For instance, "drown my cup" might be rephrased for better understanding. The last line introduces a new metaphor that might feel disconnected from the rest of the poem. Ensure that the final lines tie back to the overall theme. Just my thoughts... either way 5 star poem!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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this sounds like AI
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?