Skipping
These moments are precious2 total reviews
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
This haiku captures a deep and evocative emotion with striking simplicity. Your work is effective in the following ways:
1. Emotional Depth: The imagery of "hungry kisses" evokes a sense of longing and enduring passion, suggesting that these feelings persist over time. The phrase "my heart skips a beat" reinforces the intensity of the emotional impact.
2. Timelessness: The poem effectively conveys the persistence of love and desire despite the passage of years. The use of "despite the years" adds a layer of poignancy, highlighting the timeless nature of these feelings.
3. Brevity and Impact: The haiku format's brevity works well here, allowing each word to carry weight. The concise expression packs a significant emotional punch within a few lines.
Suggestion: To enhance the imagery and flow, you might consider adjusting the structure slightly to create a more vivid contrast. For example if you flip flop the first two lines...
(Years may pass, yet still,
Hungry kisses linger on--)
Just my opinion though... Either way, I love it!
Your haiku beautifully captures the enduring nature of passion and the emotional intensity of love. The succinct expression and evocative imagery create a powerful and moving snapshot of deep, lasting affection.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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This haiku captures a deep and evocative emotion with striking simplicity. Your work is effective in the following ways:
1. Emotional Depth: The imagery of "hungry kisses" evokes a sense of longing and enduring passion, suggesting that these feelings persist over time. The phrase "my heart skips a beat" reinforces the intensity of the emotional impact.
2. Timelessness: The poem effectively conveys the persistence of love and desire despite the passage of years. The use of "despite the years" adds a layer of poignancy, highlighting the timeless nature of these feelings.
3. Brevity and Impact: The haiku format's brevity works well here, allowing each word to carry weight. The concise expression packs a significant emotional punch within a few lines.
Suggestion: To enhance the imagery and flow, you might consider adjusting the structure slightly to create a more vivid contrast. For example if you flip flop the first two lines...
(Years may pass, yet still,
Hungry kisses linger on--)
Just my opinion though... Either way, I love it!
Your haiku beautifully captures the enduring nature of passion and the emotional intensity of love. The succinct expression and evocative imagery create a powerful and moving snapshot of deep, lasting affection.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Patty, for this excellent review. Sadly it is too late to alter the sentences, but the encouragement and pointers were well-written and empathic If it were possible to give six stars I would
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I just loved these mating dances as they are played out for all to see and your poem pays tribute to this ritual here, a fine poem for the romance contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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I just loved these mating dances as they are played out for all to see and your poem pays tribute to this ritual here, a fine poem for the romance contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you Dolly. As always your encouragement lifts my spirits
