A California Story - epilogue 6
into the future3 total reviews
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Sharon
We are at the finish line? Must've been a mammoth effort
I'm trying to remember what was named after Sutter. Maybe you could track
that down to use for future work
Besides the huge health conglomerate I don't know of any town or city that has Sutter in its name. Lots of streets have it
I came to the point where I had a kind of warm feeling for Vallejo. I thought maybe he'd been duped into doing the things he did. Because he should've been on the side of Mexico instead he helped the Americanos defeat Mexico.
This chapter had no violence. It was well written.
I wonder if you could track Sutter down. Because he had a role in your story.
This just sounds a little strange. I'm not sure what your intention was. I think it was for the boy to put the food down in front of the men
Maybe, you just need to change him to them. No that's not enough. I think you need to rewrite that whole scene with the native boy. I think you'll see what I mean if you just read it to yourself.
" sweet bread and cups of hot chocolate before him. The men "
I enjoyed reading your book chapter
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
  |
Hi, Sharon
We are at the finish line? Must've been a mammoth effort
I'm trying to remember what was named after Sutter. Maybe you could track
that down to use for future work
Besides the huge health conglomerate I don't know of any town or city that has Sutter in its name. Lots of streets have it
I came to the point where I had a kind of warm feeling for Vallejo. I thought maybe he'd been duped into doing the things he did. Because he should've been on the side of Mexico instead he helped the Americanos defeat Mexico.
This chapter had no violence. It was well written.
I wonder if you could track Sutter down. Because he had a role in your story.
This just sounds a little strange. I'm not sure what your intention was. I think it was for the boy to put the food down in front of the men
Maybe, you just need to change him to them. No that's not enough. I think you need to rewrite that whole scene with the native boy. I think you'll see what I mean if you just read it to yourself.
" sweet bread and cups of hot chocolate before him. The men "
I enjoyed reading your book chapter
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Thanks for your help, Pam! Working on rewrites now.
Comment from jim vecchio
Vallejo is a man of great patience and persistence, to have penned seven large works only to have to start over again. Is Lotta Crabtree an actual individual or a "compilation" of types? I'll be eagerly awaiting my next History lesson!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
Vallejo is a man of great patience and persistence, to have penned seven large works only to have to start over again. Is Lotta Crabtree an actual individual or a "compilation" of types? I'll be eagerly awaiting my next History lesson!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Lotta was the second richest individual taxpayer in the US by the time she was grown. Only Rockefeller had more money than she did. Fascinating person. Thanks for all your help, Jim! Now to get to work on rewriting...
-
I'll have to read more about her. I'm learning a lot from your tales. I was wondering if she existed or was a compilation of characters such as Lilly Langtree.
Comment from Lindsey Russell
I love stories with an element of history to them and this was very enjoyable to read besides. Good luck with your writing endeavors and thanks for sharing! I can't wait to read more!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
I love stories with an element of history to them and this was very enjoyable to read besides. Good luck with your writing endeavors and thanks for sharing! I can't wait to read more!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Thanks, Lindsey! I appreciate your encouragement as I start the rewriting using everyone's comments and suggestions.
