The Gentle Art
My girl's first Jiu Jitsu competition15 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
I think you did a great job with this story. You kept my interest, which isn't always easy to do. I was thrilled by the end of the story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
  |
I think you did a great job with this story. You kept my interest, which isn't always easy to do. I was thrilled by the end of the story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Thanks, Jessi
Comment from Steve Foreman
Yeah... brilliant! If it is fiction, it could easily be fact. Well written, emotive and descriptive, one can easily be in the father's shoes here, all the emotions are authentic. Good job,
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
Yeah... brilliant! If it is fiction, it could easily be fact. Well written, emotive and descriptive, one can easily be in the father's shoes here, all the emotions are authentic. Good job,
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Thank you dearly, good Sir! Appreciate it!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Great first line; it draws us in and we want to learn more, even though we know it won't be good.
"whose wet eyes were fixed on the floor" - way to break our hearts.
We both wrote "shaking" hands.
Our endings are similar, aren't they? I have a group of children showing sportsmanship, and you have that beaming little Amy. Of course, she's proud to have done so well against someone I'm sure she would recognize as a good fighter and a dangerous individual.
You used the required colors expertly. I liked this, Bruce. I hope you do well in the contest. This seemed so natural, as if a parent were telling me the story of his daughter.
I also really like the title you chose. Perfect!
xoxo
Pam
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
 |
Great first line; it draws us in and we want to learn more, even though we know it won't be good.
"whose wet eyes were fixed on the floor" - way to break our hearts.
We both wrote "shaking" hands.
Our endings are similar, aren't they? I have a group of children showing sportsmanship, and you have that beaming little Amy. Of course, she's proud to have done so well against someone I'm sure she would recognize as a good fighter and a dangerous individual.
You used the required colors expertly. I liked this, Bruce. I hope you do well in the contest. This seemed so natural, as if a parent were telling me the story of his daughter.
I also really like the title you chose. Perfect!
xoxo
Pam
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Thank you so much, Pam, my writing soulmate, haha! It's honestly so funny how similar our works are becoming. I guess, I am truly learning from the best!
-
We learn from each other, Bruce:-)
Comment from tfawcus
Although this is marked 'fiction' you've made it sound like fact. A credit to your storytelling. I've met parents like that, often enough to pray for their comeuppance. Sadly, as your story points out, it is ultimately their children that suffer.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
Although this is marked 'fiction' you've made it sound like fact. A credit to your storytelling. I've met parents like that, often enough to pray for their comeuppance. Sadly, as your story points out, it is ultimately their children that suffer.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Thank you very much for your kind review.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This kid was going to be a force to be reckoned with and now your daughter was going to be fighting him. The reader is going to be leaning forward on this one. This is well described as if it really did happen and you were watching it taking notes. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
This kid was going to be a force to be reckoned with and now your daughter was going to be fighting him. The reader is going to be leaning forward on this one. This is well described as if it really did happen and you were watching it taking notes. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Thank you very much, Liz.
Comment from F. William Lester
You nailed that contest. Nice work. Reminded me of my daughter's sports exploits. She didn't try jiu jitsu, but she was fearless and still is. Daughters have their dads wrapped around their little finger. My daughter turns 50 next year, and I'm still wrapped. :) Good story. Very enjoyable. I have one comment, a question actually. I took judo eons ago and the white garment we wore was called a gi. Isn't jiu jitsu similar to judo and isn't the garment they wear also a gi? I didn't think they would call them a kimono. Anyway, just curious. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
You nailed that contest. Nice work. Reminded me of my daughter's sports exploits. She didn't try jiu jitsu, but she was fearless and still is. Daughters have their dads wrapped around their little finger. My daughter turns 50 next year, and I'm still wrapped. :) Good story. Very enjoyable. I have one comment, a question actually. I took judo eons ago and the white garment we wore was called a gi. Isn't jiu jitsu similar to judo and isn't the garment they wear also a gi? I didn't think they would call them a kimono. Anyway, just curious. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
While it?s correct to refer to it as a kimono, the more popular and accepted form to call it is in fact, as you mentioned, a GI. I used kimono, however, as GI might raise some eyebrows and I wanted to avoid any potential confusion, especially with the number of words I was restrained to (500). That being said, thank you for sharing your story, good sir, and I appreciate you taking the time to read and review.
-
My pleasure. Have a good day. Be well.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a bit of a departure for you, Bruce, but equally gripping as you ensured there was no knowing how this match was going to end. That kid with the devil in his eyes always looked to be a winner but, there again, your visual and title suggested there may be a feminine twist. The suspense was well developed and, when the child ran off before the narrator could stop her, there was a palpable sense of fear, anticipation and guilt. In the end, your message was clear, Amy felt more satisfaction from taking on the challenge than the kid felt winning. And all the narrator's worry was in vain. Some edits perhaps below:
"I was sending her away to give her arm or a leg...?"
"Her huge grin contrasts (with) the absent...."
An excellent contest entry with all prompt words neatly inserted.
Thanks for sharing and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
This is a bit of a departure for you, Bruce, but equally gripping as you ensured there was no knowing how this match was going to end. That kid with the devil in his eyes always looked to be a winner but, there again, your visual and title suggested there may be a feminine twist. The suspense was well developed and, when the child ran off before the narrator could stop her, there was a palpable sense of fear, anticipation and guilt. In the end, your message was clear, Amy felt more satisfaction from taking on the challenge than the kid felt winning. And all the narrator's worry was in vain. Some edits perhaps below:
"I was sending her away to give her arm or a leg...?"
"Her huge grin contrasts (with) the absent...."
An excellent contest entry with all prompt words neatly inserted.
Thanks for sharing and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 06-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Thank you for the notes and the review, Debbie. So good to have you here and always providing priceless remarks. I always look forward to seeing your reviews. Thanks again for taking the time, Debbie. Sending my love.
Comment from LJbutterfly
The gentle art, with a not-so-gentle competition. I loved the suspense and mystery in the story, as I wondered who would allow their daughter to compete with such a vicious male competitor. The ending was superb. The girl was delighted with her medal, while the boy casually accepted his win.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
The gentle art, with a not-so-gentle competition. I loved the suspense and mystery in the story, as I wondered who would allow their daughter to compete with such a vicious male competitor. The ending was superb. The girl was delighted with her medal, while the boy casually accepted his win.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Thank you very much, LJ.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, I loved it, and I am (believe it or not, from an old lady with a cat --lol) someone who once studied Jiu Jitsu under a seventh dan. Once again, your writing is flawless -- a marvelous plot, believable characters, wonderful description -- I wish I wasn't out of sixes!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
Wow, I loved it, and I am (believe it or not, from an old lady with a cat --lol) someone who once studied Jiu Jitsu under a seventh dan. Once again, your writing is flawless -- a marvelous plot, believable characters, wonderful description -- I wish I wasn't out of sixes!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
Look at you, Dawn!!! Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and sharing this priceless trivia!
Comment from GoWiSt
Wow, this was really good. Did it really happen? Was there a 'Furious Fiction' contest that this was supposed to be for, and you missed it? Either way, it was quite engaging, from start to finish, and very well narrated. I think Amy must get her positive attitude-fierceness from her mother's side. LOL Just glad she didn't get physically hurt at the end of it all.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
|
Wow, this was really good. Did it really happen? Was there a 'Furious Fiction' contest that this was supposed to be for, and you missed it? Either way, it was quite engaging, from start to finish, and very well narrated. I think Amy must get her positive attitude-fierceness from her mother's side. LOL Just glad she didn't get physically hurt at the end of it all.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
-
I didn't miss it, fortunately! Thank you very much for taking the time to read & leave the review.
