The Coyote Boys
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Debt"Story about two brothers who change their destiny.
18 total reviews
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Gretchen,
another great chapter gal. You certainly know how to weave a story. I was afraid I was going to read that Dewey was dead after the shovel strike. What kind of a man strikes anyone with a shovel, unless it's self defense? Thank God the boys at least have something to admire in their mom, or they might grow up to be just like their father. Well done gal. I'm looking forward to more.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Hello Gretchen,
another great chapter gal. You certainly know how to weave a story. I was afraid I was going to read that Dewey was dead after the shovel strike. What kind of a man strikes anyone with a shovel, unless it's self defense? Thank God the boys at least have something to admire in their mom, or they might grow up to be just like their father. Well done gal. I'm looking forward to more.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Tom. I can't imagine what drives people to such meanness. Thank you for this! Gretchen
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, crap. Having been traveling for the last month, and with another week or so to go, it appears that I've missed the beginning of your new book. I always try to go back and catch up with those I read regularly, but this time it just hasn't been possible. Hopefully I can catch up later. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Well, crap. Having been traveling for the last month, and with another week or so to go, it appears that I've missed the beginning of your new book. I always try to go back and catch up with those I read regularly, but this time it just hasn't been possible. Hopefully I can catch up later. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Ric. I was wondering where you were. Glad you're back. Gretchen
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Lyn is such a sweet person. No wonder, Huck likes her... has a crush. And his father is a sociopath evil man. Poor Dewey... the way he was assaulted by his father is terrifying. Some people should never have children or wives. You develop your characters so well.... it's easy to become familiar.
Well done!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Lyn is such a sweet person. No wonder, Huck likes her... has a crush. And his father is a sociopath evil man. Poor Dewey... the way he was assaulted by his father is terrifying. Some people should never have children or wives. You develop your characters so well.... it's easy to become familiar.
Well done!
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Gypsy. You have no idea how happy your review makes me. Gretchen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very well written and interesting. Huck, Dewey, and their mom are in a terrible dangerous situation. If the father would destroy canning, which is their food for winter, he knows no bounds to the misery he can cause. If he was spying through the window, Miss Lynn is in danger as well. Good way to amp up the tension.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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This is very well written and interesting. Huck, Dewey, and their mom are in a terrible dangerous situation. If the father would destroy canning, which is their food for winter, he knows no bounds to the misery he can cause. If he was spying through the window, Miss Lynn is in danger as well. Good way to amp up the tension.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much. Yes, no one is safe around their father. Gretchen
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm wondering who's peeking through the window too, but I'm pretty sure it isn't all a good thing. I wonder if it's Huck's father. He would be up to no good. I really like this story.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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I'm wondering who's peeking through the window too, but I'm pretty sure it isn't all a good thing. I wonder if it's Huck's father. He would be up to no good. I really like this story.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Barbara. I'm glad you are enjoying this story. Gretchen
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Huck, Dewey and their momma have a terrible life. They have to tread carefully around their father. He should be shot, like the vermin he is. This is really so different to your other stories, Gretchen, but very more/ish, we all want to see that man fall off the world. Lol. Well done, my friend. Another exciting chapter. Warm hugs, Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Huck, Dewey and their momma have a terrible life. They have to tread carefully around their father. He should be shot, like the vermin he is. This is really so different to your other stories, Gretchen, but very more/ish, we all want to see that man fall off the world. Lol. Well done, my friend. Another exciting chapter. Warm hugs, Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 03-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Sandra. It is very different. Very dark and hard to write. I'll try something more uplifting next. I appreciate you sticking with this. Gretchen
Comment from Jim Wile
I wish I had a 6 left for you, Gretchen, but I used them up quickly this week. This was another excellent chapter in your story that gave us the history of the event that caused Dewey's ailment and more background into the wretched character of the father.
I love the philosophy of life that Momma taught the boys: to see the beauty in the small things in life. This glass half-full approach will go a long way in keeping Huck positive in light of his living situation.
You are a very good writer, and I have a few comments and questions to ask you about the style of your stories. This is the first one I've read, so I don't know if you have a typical style, but I notice that this one is written in first person present tense. I personally love first person stories because they give you the chance to really explain what the protagonist thinks about things and what's going on inside him or her.
I find that much more interesting than a simple recounting of the action of a story where the reader often has to guess the motivations of the characters. Of course, it has its limitations too because you can really only zero-in on the main character's thoughts, but there are ways to explain the thoughts of other characters as well, such as through dialog, and relating what was reported to the main character. I've even been known to include an interlude or two which clearly indicates (usually by calling the chapter "Interlude" or by techniques such as italics) that these are the thoughts of another character.
Where we have a different approach is in the use of present vs past tense. I haven't written a novel yet in present tense but always in past tense. (I do, however, for reasons unknown to me, prefer writing the chapter recaps that I begin my postings with in present tense.) I've noticed more and more novels these days are using present tense, where past tense seems to have been much more common in the past.
I liken writing in present tense to a person describing the action real-time to a blind person who can't see it, but can hear the dialog. And I liken writing in past tense to telling your audience a story that has taken place. The question is: when did it take place? It can be that it just has happened and you're telling it immediately or very shortly after (as if you are writing in a diary), or it may have taken place long ago. This has it's challenges, for example, how do you treat events that are on-going: do you still use past tense for those or do you mix in some present tense to distinguish the ongoing events from the completed events? I personally choose a mixture of tenses with completed actions in past tense and ongoing actions in present tense, such as:
"I entered the room and saw Virginia. She is still as beautiful as ever, and my passion for her was immediately rekindled. I decided to go up and talk to her."
I would do this for a story being told now, but if this was a reminiscence of the past, I would have used "was as beautiful as ever" because it was only ongoing back then. This fools some readers who think you shouldn't mix tenses, but I think it's perfectly natural to do it, and the reader seldom even notices you are doing it. There are differences of opinion on the proper approach to take, though.
But you have the same consideration when writing in present tense too for actions that have already taken place such as when you say, " I can still remember before Dew got hit in the head. He was bossy and could be crabby, ordering me around like most bigger brothers do. He watched out for me. Now, it's my duty to care for him. After all, he saved me from the beating my daddy was ready to give me," in which you also have a mixture of tenses and which sounds perfectly natural.
Have you ever used either third person or written a story in past tense? Do you have any particular thoughts about using these? Just curious. - Jim
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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I wish I had a 6 left for you, Gretchen, but I used them up quickly this week. This was another excellent chapter in your story that gave us the history of the event that caused Dewey's ailment and more background into the wretched character of the father.
I love the philosophy of life that Momma taught the boys: to see the beauty in the small things in life. This glass half-full approach will go a long way in keeping Huck positive in light of his living situation.
You are a very good writer, and I have a few comments and questions to ask you about the style of your stories. This is the first one I've read, so I don't know if you have a typical style, but I notice that this one is written in first person present tense. I personally love first person stories because they give you the chance to really explain what the protagonist thinks about things and what's going on inside him or her.
I find that much more interesting than a simple recounting of the action of a story where the reader often has to guess the motivations of the characters. Of course, it has its limitations too because you can really only zero-in on the main character's thoughts, but there are ways to explain the thoughts of other characters as well, such as through dialog, and relating what was reported to the main character. I've even been known to include an interlude or two which clearly indicates (usually by calling the chapter "Interlude" or by techniques such as italics) that these are the thoughts of another character.
Where we have a different approach is in the use of present vs past tense. I haven't written a novel yet in present tense but always in past tense. (I do, however, for reasons unknown to me, prefer writing the chapter recaps that I begin my postings with in present tense.) I've noticed more and more novels these days are using present tense, where past tense seems to have been much more common in the past.
I liken writing in present tense to a person describing the action real-time to a blind person who can't see it, but can hear the dialog. And I liken writing in past tense to telling your audience a story that has taken place. The question is: when did it take place? It can be that it just has happened and you're telling it immediately or very shortly after (as if you are writing in a diary), or it may have taken place long ago. This has it's challenges, for example, how do you treat events that are on-going: do you still use past tense for those or do you mix in some present tense to distinguish the ongoing events from the completed events? I personally choose a mixture of tenses with completed actions in past tense and ongoing actions in present tense, such as:
"I entered the room and saw Virginia. She is still as beautiful as ever, and my passion for her was immediately rekindled. I decided to go up and talk to her."
I would do this for a story being told now, but if this was a reminiscence of the past, I would have used "was as beautiful as ever" because it was only ongoing back then. This fools some readers who think you shouldn't mix tenses, but I think it's perfectly natural to do it, and the reader seldom even notices you are doing it. There are differences of opinion on the proper approach to take, though.
But you have the same consideration when writing in present tense too for actions that have already taken place such as when you say, " I can still remember before Dew got hit in the head. He was bossy and could be crabby, ordering me around like most bigger brothers do. He watched out for me. Now, it's my duty to care for him. After all, he saved me from the beating my daddy was ready to give me," in which you also have a mixture of tenses and which sounds perfectly natural.
Have you ever used either third person or written a story in past tense? Do you have any particular thoughts about using these? Just curious. - Jim
Comment Written 03-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Jim. I love first person. I am the character. I write what I see. And in present tense, I am in the moment. I've always liked reading novels in first pov. As far as tenses, I don't worry about present or past tense in the same paragraph when it's in diaogue. I mix tenses all the time when talking. I have done third and past tense but usually in short stories. Once I start a story with "I look at the ..." it just pours out for me. Lol. Great questions. Hope I answered at least a couple of them. Thank you for this awesome review. Gretchen
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Same here: 3rd person only in short stories so far, not yet in a novel. Thanks for your feelings about first person. That's my feeling too. I must try present tense sometime.
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Present tense takes some getting used to . But fun. Gretchen
Comment from Sankey
Well done. I can imagine how true this story is for some living with drunks and so on. I am enjoying this story. A bit of a different angle from you. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Well done. I can imagine how true this story is for some living with drunks and so on. I am enjoying this story. A bit of a different angle from you. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Unfortunately, I think you're right. There is probably a lot more than we know about. Thank you for this nice review and the sixth star. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
A very well written chapter, with the grim realities of the father's abuse, and the dramatic expectation of even worse to come. Fortunately the others have each other for emotional support at present - but how long before the father kills someone? I found myself holding my breath due to the tension here. It's probably their father looking through the window, and I hate to think of what he might do next.
Wendy
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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A very well written chapter, with the grim realities of the father's abuse, and the dramatic expectation of even worse to come. Fortunately the others have each other for emotional support at present - but how long before the father kills someone? I found myself holding my breath due to the tension here. It's probably their father looking through the window, and I hate to think of what he might do next.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Wendy. Daddy is a terrible excuse for a human being. I appreciate this kind review and the sixth star. Gretchen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Abusive behaviour does tend to run in families as it is learned behaviour. Then part of your story offers us the kindness that can be offered to others, the stark contrast of human nature here is evident in your story, much enjoyed Gretchen, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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Abusive behaviour does tend to run in families as it is learned behaviour. Then part of your story offers us the kindness that can be offered to others, the stark contrast of human nature here is evident in your story, much enjoyed Gretchen, love Dolly x
Comment Written 03-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2024
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I read a book by a victim of abuse and the remarkable thing was this woman found beauty in the littlest things. It probably saved her sanity. I think the little things are keeping Huck going. I appreciate your kind review. Gretchen