There's A Spider in My Bathtub
When I stepped into the shower, I had a visitor42 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm not the least bit worried about spiders and snakes, but what's the world coming to when a man can't wash is butt in privacy. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
  |
I'm not the least bit worried about spiders and snakes, but what's the world coming to when a man can't wash is butt in privacy. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
-
Hey Ric,
I wish spiders and snakes didn't bother me, but they do. Privacy? Is there such a thing anymore? For all I know there may be drones hovering outside my bathroom window hoping to get a peek, but whoever might be watching would be in for a laugh I'm sure. Hope all is well with you. Thanks for the humorous review my friend.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
-
Yes, sir, privacy is certainly a thing of the past. Hope all is well, my friend!
Comment from Jim Wile
This is very good, Tom. I hate spiders too and don't want them where I can see them. One morning recently there was a large spider in my bathroom, and I went through all kinds of things to get rid of him to no avail. He kept going right behind the toilet which was very hard for me to get him there without bending way over and contorting my body. I even tried spraying him with hairspray, thinking that would do him in, but he was a hardy sucker. I just ignored him for a while until he finally came out where I could get him, and I slammed one of my wife's shoes down on him and squashed him into jelly. But I couldn't rest easy until I did. I kept thinking he would attack me and bite my foot!
Your poem is humorous and the rhyme and meter are quite good, but you could make a few minor tweaks to the meter to make it even better. You've basically written this in iambic heptameter in which you've broken the 7-foot lines into two lines of 4 and 3 metric feet. Thus the basic structure looks like this:
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
with an occasional extra dit (unaccented syllable) at the end of the 2nd and 4th lines, which is perfectly fine to do. When you follow this pattern exactly, as you've done in the 4th stanza, it sounds so much better. Read that stanza again and see if you don't agree.
With that in mind, it's fairly easy to make the other stanzas match that by slight restructuring to remove extra syllables that throw the meter off. For example, this stanza:
What the heck is he doing here,
Who said that he could stay?
He started to build himself a web,
I wish he'd go away.
could easily be fixed as follows:
But what the heck's he doing here,
Who said that he could stay?
He started in to build a web,
I wish he'd go away.
And this one:
So it appears my spider friend
Has gone to spider hell,
Now I can continue with my shower
and won't worry about my smell.
could be fixed like this:
So it appears my spider friend
Has gone to spider hell,
Now I'll continue showering,
won't worry 'bout my smell.
All it takes is keeping the meter in mind and making every effort to follow it by using synonyms, contractions, or simply restructuring the lines. If all else fails, and you just can't make it work, find different ending words to make the rhymes and that may help you use one of the above tools.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
|
This is very good, Tom. I hate spiders too and don't want them where I can see them. One morning recently there was a large spider in my bathroom, and I went through all kinds of things to get rid of him to no avail. He kept going right behind the toilet which was very hard for me to get him there without bending way over and contorting my body. I even tried spraying him with hairspray, thinking that would do him in, but he was a hardy sucker. I just ignored him for a while until he finally came out where I could get him, and I slammed one of my wife's shoes down on him and squashed him into jelly. But I couldn't rest easy until I did. I kept thinking he would attack me and bite my foot!
Your poem is humorous and the rhyme and meter are quite good, but you could make a few minor tweaks to the meter to make it even better. You've basically written this in iambic heptameter in which you've broken the 7-foot lines into two lines of 4 and 3 metric feet. Thus the basic structure looks like this:
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
(dit-DA) (dit-DA) (dit-DA)
with an occasional extra dit (unaccented syllable) at the end of the 2nd and 4th lines, which is perfectly fine to do. When you follow this pattern exactly, as you've done in the 4th stanza, it sounds so much better. Read that stanza again and see if you don't agree.
With that in mind, it's fairly easy to make the other stanzas match that by slight restructuring to remove extra syllables that throw the meter off. For example, this stanza:
What the heck is he doing here,
Who said that he could stay?
He started to build himself a web,
I wish he'd go away.
could easily be fixed as follows:
But what the heck's he doing here,
Who said that he could stay?
He started in to build a web,
I wish he'd go away.
And this one:
So it appears my spider friend
Has gone to spider hell,
Now I can continue with my shower
and won't worry about my smell.
could be fixed like this:
So it appears my spider friend
Has gone to spider hell,
Now I'll continue showering,
won't worry 'bout my smell.
All it takes is keeping the meter in mind and making every effort to follow it by using synonyms, contractions, or simply restructuring the lines. If all else fails, and you just can't make it work, find different ending words to make the rhymes and that may help you use one of the above tools.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
-
Hi Jim,
thanks for the informative review my friend. I'm not a poet by any means. I just write what comes to mind, knowing that it will need help. If I get time I'll go back and look at correcting it, but I'm pressed for time trying to review and take care of other issues. I do appreciate your suggestions though, thank you.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from pome lover
well, All Time Best! Good for you, Tom! and cute poem.
I think if I found a spider in my shower he'd be destined for the drain, too.
Sharing a shower with any bug is asking too much.
It is hot as blazes here, and humid. Definitely not outside weather.
Hope you had a happy 4th.
It's after 11:00 PM here and fire crackers are still going off like gangbusters in the neighborhood. Hope they stop soon. Guess I'll go read.
Night.
Katharine
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
|
well, All Time Best! Good for you, Tom! and cute poem.
I think if I found a spider in my shower he'd be destined for the drain, too.
Sharing a shower with any bug is asking too much.
It is hot as blazes here, and humid. Definitely not outside weather.
Hope you had a happy 4th.
It's after 11:00 PM here and fire crackers are still going off like gangbusters in the neighborhood. Hope they stop soon. Guess I'll go read.
Night.
Katharine
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
-
Hello Katharine,
the fireworks started early yesterday for some reason, and continued on until almost midnight. It was overcast and somewhat rainy, so it got kind of dark around 11:00. It's been cooler the past few days and it's overcast and looks like it could rain again today. I don't know how you all stand the heat down there. I'm a little worried for Yvonne there in Arkansas. I know she hates the heat too, and she hasn't been 100% for awhile. It's good to hear from you gal. Stay safe.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment from Ulla
Hahahaha, I loved this tale within your poem. It's so very funny. I also liked the wonderful ending to it. You really had me chuckling. I could just imagine it all. Ulla :)))
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
Hahahaha, I loved this tale within your poem. It's so very funny. I also liked the wonderful ending to it. You really had me chuckling. I could just imagine it all. Ulla :)))
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello Ulla,
thanks so much for the encouraging review gal, I appreciate it. I really don't like spiders, but not everyone shares my dislike. I just heard from one reader who mentioned that he puts a string from his bathtub to the bathroom floor so the spiders can climb out of the tub. Apparently they only go there for the water. If they're thirsty, they should hang around my hose outside.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
-
Tom, I couldn't agree more. They have no rights inside my home, lol.
Comment from Natureschild
Your poem humorously captures a relatable moment of encountering a spider in the shower. The phrase "itchy pants" adds humour. Overall it is fun and engaging. May I suggest you capitalise each line for consistency.
I wonder if you deliberately chose to misrepresent the facts.
The line about spiders weaving webs from pee is factually incorrect they produce silk, a protein cocktail, from spinnerets.
The line 'He entered through the drain hole' is a misnomer. Most spiders will not survive the P-trap in in the waste pipe. Generally, spiders climb into bathtubs looking for water, then find themselves trapped there.
Either way, it is an enjoyable read and any inaccuracies, intended or not, do not take anything away from your poem.
Regards,
Terry
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
Your poem humorously captures a relatable moment of encountering a spider in the shower. The phrase "itchy pants" adds humour. Overall it is fun and engaging. May I suggest you capitalise each line for consistency.
I wonder if you deliberately chose to misrepresent the facts.
The line about spiders weaving webs from pee is factually incorrect they produce silk, a protein cocktail, from spinnerets.
The line 'He entered through the drain hole' is a misnomer. Most spiders will not survive the P-trap in in the waste pipe. Generally, spiders climb into bathtubs looking for water, then find themselves trapped there.
Either way, it is an enjoyable read and any inaccuracies, intended or not, do not take anything away from your poem.
Regards,
Terry
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello Terry,
thanks so much for the informative review and comments. You're the second person that mentioned the spinnerets. Of course I might have a bit of a time trying to rhyme that word with any other. I seldom write poetry, so I appreciate your suggestion about the capitalization. A poem seemed to be the best way to tell this little story though, and I know there are a number of poets on this site.
I never thought about the p-trap. I don't know where they come from if not from the drain. One way or another, if they want water, I water the grass and flowers every few days so they can get all they want outside.
Have a blessed day. Happy 4th!
Tom
-
Spiders are fascinating creatures and often find refuge in our homes from predators. Dehydration is one of their greatest threats to their survival. I have a thick cord of string draped over the tub which reaches the bathroom floor on one side and the drain on the other so spiders can climb out again. There are probably 10,000 more spiders enjoying the moisture in your garden and luckily, not in your bathtub, lol
-
Wow! you really are a nature's child. More power to you. I'm afraid I don't have the intestinal fortitude to do as you do, but I think spiders everywhere will probably weave a monument to you once the word gets out. Blessings,
Tom
-
:) Blessing to you too.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a funny poem, but I can't say that I blame you about not liking the creapy things. I find that Daddy longlegs in my bathtup often but they don't bother me that much. What come up the drainpipe from the septic tank is another story. Those giant roaches life in septic tanks and my cat has figured out they can come up in the kitchen sink. I keep it stopped up so they get out but she likes to grab them an she keeps managing to the stopper out of my sink so she can play with them. I enjoyed your poem
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
This is a funny poem, but I can't say that I blame you about not liking the creapy things. I find that Daddy longlegs in my bathtup often but they don't bother me that much. What come up the drainpipe from the septic tank is another story. Those giant roaches life in septic tanks and my cat has figured out they can come up in the kitchen sink. I keep it stopped up so they get out but she likes to grab them an she keeps managing to the stopper out of my sink so she can play with them. I enjoyed your poem
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello Beth,
most of the spiders we have in Southcentral Alaska are pretty small. Back in Hoonah we had some huge ones. I could almost sense when they were around and I'd dispatch them quickly. I once found one on my sheet when I was making the bed. That creeped me out. We have a septic system here, the first time I've ever dealt with one, but we don't have roaches, fortunately. Every area has to deal with something. Thanks for the great review and comments gal.
Happy 4th! Blessings,
Tom
Comment from Trent Delaney
Well done. I should post this on my bathroom wall for my wife. She's always saying she seen a spider in the tub.Lol.. Thank you for sharing and good luck
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
Well done. I should post this on my bathroom wall for my wife. She's always saying she seen a spider in the tub.Lol.. Thank you for sharing and good luck
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello Trent,
thanks so much for the fine review and comments. Finding spiders in the tub can be a little bit intimidating. I've been in the company of brown bears and out in weather on the ocean that is terrifying, but spiders still have the ability to unnerve me.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment from nomi338
Thanks for the grin you just put across my face. The children and grandchildren in my family are fanatical about spiders, they claim to see them everywhere, and nearly tear the house apart running away from them. I just end them when I see them, which I rarely do. Either I am blind to them, they do a good job of hiding from me, or they are a figment of my family's imagination.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
Thanks for the grin you just put across my face. The children and grandchildren in my family are fanatical about spiders, they claim to see them everywhere, and nearly tear the house apart running away from them. I just end them when I see them, which I rarely do. Either I am blind to them, they do a good job of hiding from me, or they are a figment of my family's imagination.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello nomi,
well, thank you for the laugh you just gave me. Spiders are no laughing matter, unless they affect someone else. They are creepy little bugs, and I can't understand how some people can be so brave in the face of them. I once shot a big spider down in South Carolina when I was hunting in the woods. It was big enough to make the leaves it was walking on crinkle, and I didn't want it sneaking up on me. Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from artisart4u
You have a very funny poem about a spider. No one likes insects in their home.
I noticed on first line in your fourth stanza, you need a space in between spiders and bees. It is a simple mistake, sometimes the space bar doesn't have enough push for it to move.
You poem is beautiful, colorful and nicely put together.
Congratulations on your wins and good luck with this poem.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
You have a very funny poem about a spider. No one likes insects in their home.
I noticed on first line in your fourth stanza, you need a space in between spiders and bees. It is a simple mistake, sometimes the space bar doesn't have enough push for it to move.
You poem is beautiful, colorful and nicely put together.
Congratulations on your wins and good luck with this poem.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello artisart4u,
thanks so much for the wonderful review and comments. I don't like spiders, even when they are outside, but especially not in my bathtub. They just look creepy; so much so that at Halloween, spiders and spider webs are often used as creepy decorations. Yuk! Have a blessed day.
Tom
-
Your welcome.
Comment from karenina
I love this poem! As lighthearted as the tone is it addresses my own phobia about creepy crawly things that never ever belong inside my home!
I read your turning the water on full blast with smug satisfaction.
I'd do the same and smile at "spider hell" receiving the newest bounty!
Karenina
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
|
I love this poem! As lighthearted as the tone is it addresses my own phobia about creepy crawly things that never ever belong inside my home!
I read your turning the water on full blast with smug satisfaction.
I'd do the same and smile at "spider hell" receiving the newest bounty!
Karenina
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
-
Hello Karen,
it's so good to hear from you. Thanks for the delightful review and comments gal. Most people agree that spiders don't belong inside, but there are a few on this site that will take the time to remove them safely and put them out where they belong. I once went to take a shower at a friend's house in Vermont and there was a huge garden spider on the side of the tub. I thought it was phony, that he'd set it there to scare me, but it was real. He came and got it and put it outside. He'd even named it. It takes all kinds to make up this world. Happy fourth gal!
Tom
-
I had a wonderful great aunt who'd be in tears if I went after any "wee beastie"-- she'd scoot me away and gently capture it with her tissue and cradle it out the door.
(I was the bug psychopath of the clan!)
