Daddy, Dear.
A harrowing scene.5 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi
This is a sad poem which evokes a feeling of mistreatment or abuse on the dying father's part. It does seem that he was a good father for a while at least. It does end with some hope of forgiveness and getting past it after the death.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good luck in the contest.
Have a great weekend.
Joan
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Hi
This is a sad poem which evokes a feeling of mistreatment or abuse on the dying father's part. It does seem that he was a good father for a while at least. It does end with some hope of forgiveness and getting past it after the death.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good luck in the contest.
Have a great weekend.
Joan
Comment Written 29-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Thank you Joan.
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My pleasure, Shirley.
Joan
Comment from tempeste
Ciao mystery poet, you now have 2 votes!
Reading this dark poem about abuse on a child reminded me of :
Patrick Melrose
a mini series about a writer who as a child was molested by his father.
Year later he gets a phone call saying his father has died. He goes to pick up the ashes but he has not yet been cremated.
So he speaks to his father's corpse lying in the coffin.
To forget the abuse, he became a heavy drug addicted but he finds redemption later on in life, writes his story which becomes a best seller.
I recommend you watch it .
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Ciao mystery poet, you now have 2 votes!
Reading this dark poem about abuse on a child reminded me of :
Patrick Melrose
a mini series about a writer who as a child was molested by his father.
Year later he gets a phone call saying his father has died. He goes to pick up the ashes but he has not yet been cremated.
So he speaks to his father's corpse lying in the coffin.
To forget the abuse, he became a heavy drug addicted but he finds redemption later on in life, writes his story which becomes a best seller.
I recommend you watch it .
Comment Written 29-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much for your very considered comments. I appreciate it.
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I thought you might appreciate watching a clip of the 5 part series.
Benedict Cumberbatch plays Patrick when he is older and has become a drug addict and an alcoholic due to the abuse.
Hugo Weaver plays the abusive father.
The kid that plays young Patrick wears the red shirt and has black hair.. he was superb in the part. he made you feel his despair.
The kid with the orange hair instead is one of Patrick's sons.
Enjoy!
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Thank you for sending that. I will certainly give it a viewing. It's such a very harrowing subject. Thankfully, my poem wasn't autobiographical, it was influenced by an account I viewed (on youtube I think) some time ago.
My poem was different when I first wrote it, but apparently I misunderstood the rules so had to re-write. I understood the prompt to have A line repeating from the previous stanza, not the SAME line. Anyway, I do think think the re-write weakened it. Here's the original if you would like to read it.
Stained, was your deathbed Daddy, dear.
Skin yellow crinkled, body soured.
A ghostly pale, you lingered near
the final door in closing hours.
I looked into your sunken eyes.
What did they offer, shame or fear?
You gasped in seas of sordid lies.
Stained was you deathbed, Daddy dear.
There was a happy time before
I looked into your sunken eyes,
before the Daddy I adored
became the Daddy I despised.
I stand strong, my power reclaimed,
before the Daddy I adored.
Forgiveness breaks my heavy chains,
yet bitter truths remain as yours.
Forgiveness breaks my heavy chains.
Your legacy I will not bear.
So, know the poison in your veins
has stained your deathbed, Daddy, dear.
Thanks again for your interest. I truly appreciate.
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I like both versions..but I understand why you prefer the original
I messed up once too in a contest, and I was given to choice to edit or be disqualified.
I chose to not edit, I did not want to change anything because I felt it would lose "something" in the edit.
Comment from RJ Heritage
Very serious and well written poem. Forgiveness is difficult to give when such a gracious wrong has been done. Yet many times, it is what needed to move on.
Thanks for looking into this one, and expressing and presenting it well.
RJ
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Very serious and well written poem. Forgiveness is difficult to give when such a gracious wrong has been done. Yet many times, it is what needed to move on.
Thanks for looking into this one, and expressing and presenting it well.
RJ
Comment Written 28-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Thank you for reading.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your poem brings forward powerful emotions. I thought it was well written with a clear structure and a natural rhyme scheme. You share the relationship between a daughter and her father with a natural tone and honesty. Your word choices are excellent. What stood out to me was "Stained was your deathbed, Daddy dear" and "Forgiveness breaks my heavy chains". Wow! Those are powerful words. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Your poem brings forward powerful emotions. I thought it was well written with a clear structure and a natural rhyme scheme. You share the relationship between a daughter and her father with a natural tone and honesty. Your word choices are excellent. What stood out to me was "Stained was your deathbed, Daddy dear" and "Forgiveness breaks my heavy chains". Wow! Those are powerful words. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Michael.
Comment from Ricky1024
Horrid cast for death that shall always last.
Deeply Written with grief and regret.
From a child to their father That could never be.
...
Note: Any man can father a child.
But there's only one Heavenly Father above.
And to be the man you first have to be the daddy.
...
Well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Horrid cast for death that shall always last.
Deeply Written with grief and regret.
From a child to their father That could never be.
...
Note: Any man can father a child.
But there's only one Heavenly Father above.
And to be the man you first have to be the daddy.
...
Well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 27-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Dr Ricky.