Comment from Nicki.B

Excellent

This is beautifully written with lovely imagery, a sad but romantic poem all in one. How you refer to sea throughout is very well done. Good luck with the competition.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

thanks a million for your lovely review, yes i often compare sorrow tears to drops of sea water and anger to waves, thanks again. Best wishes :) Sarah

Comment from Pamusart

Excellent

Hi, Sarah

This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!

This is beautifully written with lots of descriptive stuff that shows how much he is loved.. Hopefully their love is mutual.

I liked the tears tasting of salt

But why did you say you hope to forget his face? Have they broken up?

I detected a rhyming pattern and the poem flowed easily

Here. Why not remove the s in oceans?

" Your eyes two oceans waves,"

Here it is a little bit confusing. Affliction is like a disability. How about 'have afflictions in my consumed soul'. What do you think?

" Of affliction is my consumed soul,"

I really enjoyed reading your poem

Good job. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2024