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Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Mortality"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
22 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I wonder if Theo and Hermes can get their mortality back. I liked how Hermes tried to keep a sense of humor despite his own fears. Was he giving Theo an nickname when he said "Mount up, buttercup."? Buttercup is a flower and Anthos means flower.
Hope Adam is okay! Great use of the horses and their abilities to sense their riders identities.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2024
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I wonder if Theo and Hermes can get their mortality back. I liked how Hermes tried to keep a sense of humor despite his own fears. Was he giving Theo an nickname when he said "Mount up, buttercup."? Buttercup is a flower and Anthos means flower.
Hope Adam is okay! Great use of the horses and their abilities to sense their riders identities.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2024
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Hi Helen,
I'm so glad you were able to review this chapter. I value your input! I use flowers a lot in this book as there are so many gardens and some of the people are named after them. Hermes tends to throw nicknames around as pleases him. An attempt at levity to lighten the situation.
I'm glad you liked the part about the horses. I've heard they are very intuitive!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Faith Williams
I'm afraid I've missed some chapters, Rhonda. This one is gripping and kept me engaged, wanting to know what happens next.
Suggestions to consider:
'... and the promised storm roaring in like a firey dragon.' I believe the word is 'fiery'.
'... and lept into the air as though he could still fly.' I believe the word is 'leapt'.
'He looked down and saw a glow of silver - quick silver.' I believe quicksilver is one word.
I eagerly anticipate the next chapter because I really want to know what happens next!
Funny story: Certain members of my family have this obsession with naming their cars. When I purchased my current vehicle, my oldest son dubbed it Hermes... because it was a Mercury.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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I'm afraid I've missed some chapters, Rhonda. This one is gripping and kept me engaged, wanting to know what happens next.
Suggestions to consider:
'... and the promised storm roaring in like a firey dragon.' I believe the word is 'fiery'.
'... and lept into the air as though he could still fly.' I believe the word is 'leapt'.
'He looked down and saw a glow of silver - quick silver.' I believe quicksilver is one word.
I eagerly anticipate the next chapter because I really want to know what happens next!
Funny story: Certain members of my family have this obsession with naming their cars. When I purchased my current vehicle, my oldest son dubbed it Hermes... because it was a Mercury.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Faith!! I?m so glad to see you back!! Hope all is well!!
Thank you for your review and catching the mistakes. You?re awesome!!!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
Marvelous chapter of the world of gods, titans, ancients, and who knows what else.
Hermes and Theo make a great pair, I suspect they'll be up to the task.
Your description is first rate, with a fast paced tension that draws the reader in.
Great horses too. I suspect your knowledge of horses has been essential
The photo is marvelous as well.
Best wishes.
Robert
PS I'll go back to the chapter i missed shortly.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Hello Rhonda,
Marvelous chapter of the world of gods, titans, ancients, and who knows what else.
Hermes and Theo make a great pair, I suspect they'll be up to the task.
Your description is first rate, with a fast paced tension that draws the reader in.
Great horses too. I suspect your knowledge of horses has been essential
The photo is marvelous as well.
Best wishes.
Robert
PS I'll go back to the chapter i missed shortly.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2024
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Hi Robert!! Thanks for the six stars and for the great review!! Hope all is well with you! I enjoyed your delicious poem!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Erika Whittle
This reminds me a lot of Percy Jackson but with adults. It drew the reader in well and kept my attention. Good job and good luck with the rest of the book
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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This reminds me a lot of Percy Jackson but with adults. It drew the reader in well and kept my attention. Good job and good luck with the rest of the book
Comment Written 25-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Hi Erika, thanks so much for jumping in on this chapter. Thanks, as well for the review and comments! I'm glad you compared it to Percy Jackson as my target audience is young adults, heavier on the adult side, lol.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from GoWiSt
"Mortality" A blessing or curse? Depends on the perspective, and perceiver, I guess.
Geez, what fun it must be to be a Greek god. Mortally wounded, but still surviving. Losing wings, but still as nimble on their feet.
Magical horses fighting magical birds--so exciting.
Another entertaining episode. On to the next install...
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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"Mortality" A blessing or curse? Depends on the perspective, and perceiver, I guess.
Geez, what fun it must be to be a Greek god. Mortally wounded, but still surviving. Losing wings, but still as nimble on their feet.
Magical horses fighting magical birds--so exciting.
Another entertaining episode. On to the next install...
Comment Written 25-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much for your review, my friend. Yeah, lots of crazy elements working together!! I'm glad you took the time to read.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
The artwork is great, and this is an excellent chapter, Rhonda, that held my attention from beginning to end because it flowed so well. We see the special bond between Hermes and Theo, and what they were willing to sacrifice to save their own. It didn't sound like they were in very good shape physically, but they soldiered on. Their horses thought things were strange, but with some encouragement, they also did what they were asked to do. The storm didn't help things either.
I have never heard of these birds, but they sound horrible. You built the tension very well when Hermes and Theo are trying to rescue Adam. The comparison with the "jaws of a crane" illustrates their power and desire for destruction. Nifty did a great job doing his part to get rid of this horrible bird.
A great conclusion to the chapter lets us know that Hermes is still in his element because he didn't need to fly in order to be a good warrior. Very well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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The artwork is great, and this is an excellent chapter, Rhonda, that held my attention from beginning to end because it flowed so well. We see the special bond between Hermes and Theo, and what they were willing to sacrifice to save their own. It didn't sound like they were in very good shape physically, but they soldiered on. Their horses thought things were strange, but with some encouragement, they also did what they were asked to do. The storm didn't help things either.
I have never heard of these birds, but they sound horrible. You built the tension very well when Hermes and Theo are trying to rescue Adam. The comparison with the "jaws of a crane" illustrates their power and desire for destruction. Nifty did a great job doing his part to get rid of this horrible bird.
A great conclusion to the chapter lets us know that Hermes is still in his element because he didn't need to fly in order to be a good warrior. Very well done, my friend.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Pam, thank you so very much for your review and six stars! I'm glad all the elements worked together. The next few chapters are going to be pretty intense, then a breather.
I appreciate the time and attention to the different parts.
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome for the stars and review, Rhonda. Thanks for sharing in your reply. Were those mythological birds or ones you made up?
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They were real in Greek. Mythology. I didn?t make them up, but I did look them up, lol. I knew there were some predatory birds of humans, but didn?t remember their names. Though with me, you never know, lol. I do tend to mess with their myths!
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Thanks for answering my question. Like science, mythology wasn't one of my strong points, either. 😊😊
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It's all my sister's fault. We used to play school and she was the teacher. She taught me to read and write through it, and later on would give me tests. And now I'm the teacher, and she a Medical Admin (retired). Go figure.
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That is very interesting, Rhonda. Your sister was a tough teacher, even giving you tests.
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You have no idea, lol!! She's still mean.
Just kidding, besides my husband, she's my best friend. But she still orders me around. I just go with it.
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I was an only child so I can't relate but can imagine from what my mother told me about her sister.
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I?m sorry you had no siblings to fight with, lol. All I have is one. My husband is the oldest of six, and his father, one of 14. At family reunions, there are always at least 300. My mother in Law?s funeral procession wrapped around our town. Mind blowing to me.
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Don't be sorry. I used to think about it growing up. Originally I had planned to be an elementary teacher and it's probably because I didn't have siblings. It didn't take long in college to know it wasn't for me and I switched to secondary.
I can't imagine all of those people in one place for the funeral. It must have been surreal.
Comment from F. William Lester
An interesting story. I don't read much fantasy, but this caught my attention. The two characters are well defined, and I didn't have any difficulty following the plot. My only comment is that I couldn't really tell who the POV character was. I thought it was Theo, but it appeared as though you head hopped between him and Hermes. Then, when the two got up on their steeds, you hopped into the thoughts of each of the horses. You will have insight into the thoughts and feelings of the POV character, but the thoughts and feelings of the non-POV characters will not be known by the POV character. The POV character would only be able to assume what the others were feeling or thinking by assessing movements and facial expressions and body language. That is if you intend to write in third person limited POV. If you are writing in third person omniscient, then what you wrote makes sense. In short, make whatever POV you choose clear to the reader. Nice work. I enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing it. Stay well.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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An interesting story. I don't read much fantasy, but this caught my attention. The two characters are well defined, and I didn't have any difficulty following the plot. My only comment is that I couldn't really tell who the POV character was. I thought it was Theo, but it appeared as though you head hopped between him and Hermes. Then, when the two got up on their steeds, you hopped into the thoughts of each of the horses. You will have insight into the thoughts and feelings of the POV character, but the thoughts and feelings of the non-POV characters will not be known by the POV character. The POV character would only be able to assume what the others were feeling or thinking by assessing movements and facial expressions and body language. That is if you intend to write in third person limited POV. If you are writing in third person omniscient, then what you wrote makes sense. In short, make whatever POV you choose clear to the reader. Nice work. I enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing it. Stay well.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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You know, Lester, you are entirely right! I did jump around on the POV. I?ll need to fix that. Thanks for pointing it out.
I am so glad you stopped by to review. I appreciate the time you spent on the review.
Rhonda
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Rhonda,
My pleasure and you're very welcome.
Comment from BethShelby
This is quite a brutal scene. I glad Hermes is back in business with his powerful sword. They nee to save Adam from the man eating birds. I enjoyed this intense chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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This is quite a brutal scene. I glad Hermes is back in business with his powerful sword. They nee to save Adam from the man eating birds. I enjoyed this intense chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Hi Beth,
Thank you for the review, my friend. Yes, it was very intense, and will probably be for a chapter or two, then will lighten up.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Wow, this chapter was filled with excitement from the first to the last word. Your writing is terrific and enabled me to envision the location and action throughout the chapter. I will be waiting for the next addition.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Wow, this chapter was filled with excitement from the first to the last word. Your writing is terrific and enabled me to envision the location and action throughout the chapter. I will be waiting for the next addition.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Hi prettybluebirds!! Thank you for stopping by to review. I'm glad you felt the excitement, it was what I was going for. It'll stay that way for a few chapters, then a cool off one before the final showdown!!
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Steve Foreman
Brilliant descriptive writing. I sense a touch of humour in the characters that fits well with the tragic context. Ancient mythology mixed with modern storytelling. Excellent.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Brilliant descriptive writing. I sense a touch of humour in the characters that fits well with the tragic context. Ancient mythology mixed with modern storytelling. Excellent.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Steve, thank you so very much for the six stars!! They are most welcome, as is your review. I'm glad you noticed the humor. Some of my chapters have more than others, but I do try for the comic relief bit, even in the worst of action.
You also caught onto the mixture of old with new, which is a hallmark of a great deal of my writing.
Take care,
Rhonda
