Comment from BermyBye50

Exceptional

Sarah,

Welcome to Fanstory. This is a powerful write that conveys the emotional roller coaster ride one's heart experiences when given fully in a committed relationship that suddenly goes wrong.

One suggestion: You may want to change this line as follows

But the envious [started] began to cast a curse, (replace the word started with began)

All the best,

Eugene

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2024

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2024

thanks a million for your reviews and your lovely suggestions, take care :)

Comment from Pamusart

Excellent

Hi, Sarah.

I could not tell who or what the demons and enemies are. Maybe it's not germain to the story. But, I found it to be one of the unanswered questions that would've helped me understand your poem more

I mean, it's a pretty stark view of things. And I'm guessing somebody was jealous because of the word envious.

Jealousy can cause a person to become violent. So, is she mad at him for breaking up with her?

Here do you need the word 'all'?

" And you drank from the pure endless rivers of my heart all my love,"

Good job. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2024

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2024

Hi Pamusart, many thanks for your review: the poem is about investing so much love and thinking it is invincible until you find out all your bridges have burnt and your efforts were vain, because the other party was influenced by envious and jealous people and chose to join them instead of fighting for the invested love: this is treason

Comment from Nicole Schmidt

Excellent

You let the door open to those monsters,

My love's fortress is ruined by those destroyers....

I can definitely feel the frustration here!! It's sadð??¢

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2024