Wonderland
An only child*s escapist world2 total reviews
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Your poem is very easy to read flows like butter off the tongue because your meter is very good. There were only a couple of places where you broke the meter Your rhyming is also very good.
I don't remember the dancing lobster. Was there one in Wonderland?
Who is Father Brown and what kind of thrill? Should I cover my eyes and ears? It may be too much for me to hear what the thrill is. Lol
You broke with the meter in a couple of lines. I list them below. Ignore me if you don't care about meter
All of your other lines are cdcdcdcd where c is a soft sound d is hard sound. You are already really good with meter!!
"Books supplied my universe"
"A parallel life in Wonderland"
Those were the only two spots
Here did you mean door mouse? Yes, it's two words
"The teapot with the Dormouse sad"
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Your poem is very easy to read flows like butter off the tongue because your meter is very good. There were only a couple of places where you broke the meter Your rhyming is also very good.
I don't remember the dancing lobster. Was there one in Wonderland?
Who is Father Brown and what kind of thrill? Should I cover my eyes and ears? It may be too much for me to hear what the thrill is. Lol
You broke with the meter in a couple of lines. I list them below. Ignore me if you don't care about meter
All of your other lines are cdcdcdcd where c is a soft sound d is hard sound. You are already really good with meter!!
"Books supplied my universe"
"A parallel life in Wonderland"
Those were the only two spots
Here did you mean door mouse? Yes, it's two words
"The teapot with the Dormouse sad"
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Thank you for a helpful, thorough and constructive critique. You?ve given me a few things to ponder. I knew I had broken the meter with "parallel" but thought I might just get away with it. The other example hadn?t hit my ear.
I always thought dormouse was one word, from the Latin dormir to sleep, as in dormitory, but I will check it thanks. Best wishes, Terry.
Comment from Nicole Schmidt
The March Hare and the Hatter, mad,
The teapot with the Dormouse sad.
I like the word usage and imagery you use. Also clever how you can almost feel the emotions that you described.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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The March Hare and the Hatter, mad,
The teapot with the Dormouse sad.
I like the word usage and imagery you use. Also clever how you can almost feel the emotions that you described.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Thank you.
