Lair Of The Seductress
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Lust Of Damnation"Book Four Wolf Bend Series
8 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Hi, Doug
A few thoughts:
Maybe: (Now) he knew exactly where he was.
Nice phrasing: One who dwells above
Maybe be more specific in: she placed her hand on it.
Perhaps simply say (placed her hand on him) and let the reader deduce what part of him.
Perhaps instead of: Bitch is reading my thoughts, which the reader is aware of, revise to:
Greg closed his eyes, as if that could keep the bitch from reading his thoughts.
Perhaps an exclamation point after: She's winning(!) to indicate his inner struggle.
You might need more detail before she flies away. What happens to anger her? Suggest revise:
Greg tore his mouth from hers. "You're not my wife!" The intense waves of (his) lusty confusion subsided.
Then she gets mad and flies away.
Next para: (Breathing heavily,) Greg sat still for several seconds, (before pulling) hard on his chains(.) (He pulled) until his wrists started to hurt.
Paranormal, I didn't pick up on that before this chapter, I don't think. Good going!
Sol
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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Hi, Doug
A few thoughts:
Maybe: (Now) he knew exactly where he was.
Nice phrasing: One who dwells above
Maybe be more specific in: she placed her hand on it.
Perhaps simply say (placed her hand on him) and let the reader deduce what part of him.
Perhaps instead of: Bitch is reading my thoughts, which the reader is aware of, revise to:
Greg closed his eyes, as if that could keep the bitch from reading his thoughts.
Perhaps an exclamation point after: She's winning(!) to indicate his inner struggle.
You might need more detail before she flies away. What happens to anger her? Suggest revise:
Greg tore his mouth from hers. "You're not my wife!" The intense waves of (his) lusty confusion subsided.
Then she gets mad and flies away.
Next para: (Breathing heavily,) Greg sat still for several seconds, (before pulling) hard on his chains(.) (He pulled) until his wrists started to hurt.
Paranormal, I didn't pick up on that before this chapter, I don't think. Good going!
Sol
Comment Written 12-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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Thanks, Sol, great suggestions. Yes, the series is about the paranormal. Sort of a Goosebumps for adults. Appreciate you!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Poor Greg is hurt with physical pain and guilt.
Lilith is a seductive succubus demon that regardless of her powerful talents didn't win Greg's submission. She is like a pray mantis or black widow spider.... but more powerful.
I love horror movies and your chapter could be a scene in a scary movie.
If it's up to me, you don't need a sex warning but I think sex and sensuality are natural parts of human nature. I consider sex warning necessary when it's offensive.... crude words or acts. Yours was more suggestive... in the reign of fantasy. But there are plenty of puritans on this site that disagree with me. So you are on your own. LoL
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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Poor Greg is hurt with physical pain and guilt.
Lilith is a seductive succubus demon that regardless of her powerful talents didn't win Greg's submission. She is like a pray mantis or black widow spider.... but more powerful.
I love horror movies and your chapter could be a scene in a scary movie.
If it's up to me, you don't need a sex warning but I think sex and sensuality are natural parts of human nature. I consider sex warning necessary when it's offensive.... crude words or acts. Yours was more suggestive... in the reign of fantasy. But there are plenty of puritans on this site that disagree with me. So you are on your own. LoL
Comment Written 11-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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HA! Thank you, my friend! Glad you are hanging in!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I honestly believe Greg will beat this evil Lilith and he will not succumb to lust. I really like this story and you're doing a great job writing it. I am hoping help is on the way.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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I honestly believe Greg will beat this evil Lilith and he will not succumb to lust. I really like this story and you're doing a great job writing it. I am hoping help is on the way.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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Me too! Gregory is in quite a pickle.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A vivid and evocative scene skilfully developed to reveal Greg's determination to resist and survive her evil, seductive plans. I particularly like the "long reptilian looking tail" Being the last sight before she disappeared. Dialogue and thought processes, as ever, excellent and character building. Pace is also very pleasing. Just don't forget punctuation between adjectives which helps to stress their impact: filthy(,) native magic. Otherwise, no boo-boos found.
Well done! All hopes rest with Jesse perhaps? Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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A vivid and evocative scene skilfully developed to reveal Greg's determination to resist and survive her evil, seductive plans. I particularly like the "long reptilian looking tail" Being the last sight before she disappeared. Dialogue and thought processes, as ever, excellent and character building. Pace is also very pleasing. Just don't forget punctuation between adjectives which helps to stress their impact: filthy(,) native magic. Otherwise, no boo-boos found.
Well done! All hopes rest with Jesse perhaps? Take care Debbie
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2024
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Thank you! Stay tuned!
Comment from royowen
He nearly submitted to his lust, will he indeed be able to have a crack at whether he actually can or not, I'm betting that you have the entry to Lilith's demise at the centre of the epic, beautifully written Douglas, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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He nearly submitted to his lust, will he indeed be able to have a crack at whether he actually can or not, I'm betting that you have the entry to Lilith's demise at the centre of the epic, beautifully written Douglas, blessings Roy
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Roy! Greg is in a bit of a pickle.
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It seems that way, but Lilith is heading fo disaster
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Ha! Me thinks you know me too well. Glad I?m not the only one rattling around on here at 3 am.
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No, it?s Monday afternoon here
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HA! I am a loner
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Of course
Comment from Wayne Fowler
As they said on Jerry Seinfeld - sex happens when the nipple first makes its appearance. And fortunately, you omitted that part. (smiley face here)
Nicely written. Can't wait to see how Greg gets out of this pickle.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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As they said on Jerry Seinfeld - sex happens when the nipple first makes its appearance. And fortunately, you omitted that part. (smiley face here)
Nicely written. Can't wait to see how Greg gets out of this pickle.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Pickle being the key word! HA
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well, like the girls I heard about in high school that would have a boy get to second base and then hear the umpire call them out exccept the heat between these two is reversed.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Well, like the girls I heard about in high school that would have a boy get to second base and then hear the umpire call them out exccept the heat between these two is reversed.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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I would already be dead . . . Just saying
Comment from Nicole Schmidt
Great graphic and storyline! I can tell you that right off the bat! This was strong..as it pulled my attention in and held it from start to finish. Good luck !
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Great graphic and storyline! I can tell you that right off the bat! This was strong..as it pulled my attention in and held it from start to finish. Good luck !
Comment Written 09-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Nicole. This book is wrapping up nicely.
D
