The Walk
Never underestimate the power of the elderly.33 total reviews
Comment from Neonewman
This is a well-crafted story about events that happen way to often. Never underestimate the elderly is solid advice. These boys hopefully learned a valuable lesson from Ken.
Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2024
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This is a well-crafted story about events that happen way to often. Never underestimate the elderly is solid advice. These boys hopefully learned a valuable lesson from Ken.
Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 11-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2024
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Steve,
Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Take care and have a most wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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My pleasure, Barry.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I loved this story, Barry and I say good on Ken. I would like to think this would have taught that young smart aleck a lesson, but I doubt it did. Well told and I really felt like I was walking the track with Ken.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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I loved this story, Barry and I say good on Ken. I would like to think this would have taught that young smart aleck a lesson, but I doubt it did. Well told and I really felt like I was walking the track with Ken.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 11-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Valda,
Thanks so much for your review. I am glad you enjoyed the read. I can reveal that Ken became a local hero after this event. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Many will be relating to this one. It's funny I get this call somebody doing a survey and they ask I've ever fallen I so we can start when I was maybe 8 years old or 10 most up till now. I have to watch every spot I'm going to put my next footstep so I won't trip over something
. It works as long as my ADD doesn't take over : "He did not stop to talk further as he needed to concentrate on the track. Trip hazards were frequent and he kept a keen lookout for any danger." i love how you are building the tension We want to keep reading. A great ending.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Many will be relating to this one. It's funny I get this call somebody doing a survey and they ask I've ever fallen I so we can start when I was maybe 8 years old or 10 most up till now. I have to watch every spot I'm going to put my next footstep so I won't trip over something
. It works as long as my ADD doesn't take over : "He did not stop to talk further as he needed to concentrate on the track. Trip hazards were frequent and he kept a keen lookout for any danger." i love how you are building the tension We want to keep reading. A great ending.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Liz,
Thanks so much for the review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Ken became a local hero after this event.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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Wonderful
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think he was rather lucky this time. These days, the lads would probably have weapons themselves!
A few bits & pieces I jotted down whilst reading through.
The sun prized open the clouds and that was enough for Ken to announce,
"Eileen, the sun is out. I am off for a walk. Do you want to come?" - you could have the dialogue straight after announce, here. If not put a clear line between it and the following dialogue of the wife.
In fact, it would be a good idea to have a clear line between each section of dialogue when the speaker changes as it's technically a new paragraph and you do this for each of those in the general narrative.
A fork in the track
forced a decision. - unnecessary line break here.
you don't always need to have dialogue on a separate line. When it follows the actions of the speaker it can be run straight on from there.
"I want your wallet old man. If you don't hand it over, you will not be walking home" - need end punctuation before the closing speech marks.
Characters going for walks can provide a multitude f opportunity for the writer. Recaptured virality of lost youth is a good one here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Hi there,
I think he was rather lucky this time. These days, the lads would probably have weapons themselves!
A few bits & pieces I jotted down whilst reading through.
The sun prized open the clouds and that was enough for Ken to announce,
"Eileen, the sun is out. I am off for a walk. Do you want to come?" - you could have the dialogue straight after announce, here. If not put a clear line between it and the following dialogue of the wife.
In fact, it would be a good idea to have a clear line between each section of dialogue when the speaker changes as it's technically a new paragraph and you do this for each of those in the general narrative.
A fork in the track
forced a decision. - unnecessary line break here.
you don't always need to have dialogue on a separate line. When it follows the actions of the speaker it can be run straight on from there.
"I want your wallet old man. If you don't hand it over, you will not be walking home" - need end punctuation before the closing speech marks.
Characters going for walks can provide a multitude f opportunity for the writer. Recaptured virality of lost youth is a good one here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Thanks for the review. More importantly, thanks for the very helpful suggestion as to amendments etc. I will implement them.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Teri7
Barry, This is a really good story about the two younger guys thinking they could take down this older man. You used great descriptive words and very good imagery from your words and the art work. Teri
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Barry, This is a really good story about the two younger guys thinking they could take down this older man. You used great descriptive words and very good imagery from your words and the art work. Teri
Comment Written 09-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Thanks, so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Yes, Ken became a local hero after this incident. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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You are so welcome Barry!😊
Comment from Wendy G
Well written, Barry. I bet those young thugs learned more than one lesson from the old man. They'll certainly think twice before trying to be bullies and thieves next time. I liked the Australian elements in this, with the description of the bush track and the gums.
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Well written, Barry. I bet those young thugs learned more than one lesson from the old man. They'll certainly think twice before trying to be bullies and thieves next time. I liked the Australian elements in this, with the description of the bush track and the gums.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Wendy,
Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Ken became a local hero after this incident. Did not take long for the word to get around.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Wow, what a nice story. People do underestimate older people. They do have a lot of wisdom and this generation of old people are much healthier. The story is well written and interesting. Very good job.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Wow, what a nice story. People do underestimate older people. They do have a lot of wisdom and this generation of old people are much healthier. The story is well written and interesting. Very good job.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Brenda,
Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Yes, you are correct in saying this generation of older people are healthier.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Scarbrems
A great story that drew me in and kept me there. Older people aren't pushovers, that's for sure.
I liked the 'set up', you gave a good picture of his joy in walking as well as the final confrontation. Very well done.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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A great story that drew me in and kept me there. Older people aren't pushovers, that's for sure.
I liked the 'set up', you gave a good picture of his joy in walking as well as the final confrontation. Very well done.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Wow. Thanks so much for the six-star rating. It is much appreciated.
Glad you enjoyed it. Ken became a local hero after this event.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent - the writing and the altercation with the youths.
I like how you put us into the old man's head. Good work.
Best wishes to you and hoping for many sunny days ahead.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Excellent - the writing and the altercation with the youths.
I like how you put us into the old man's head. Good work.
Best wishes to you and hoping for many sunny days ahead.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Wayne,
Thanks for your great review. Glad you enjoyed the read.Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from RodG
I really enjoyed reading this story because (1) I am Ken's age and he's now my hero, (2) you did a splendid job of setting the scene and introducing Ken, (3) you used dialog very well to characterize him and propel the story forward, and (4) your ending was very satisfying to both Ken and me. Rod
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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I really enjoyed reading this story because (1) I am Ken's age and he's now my hero, (2) you did a splendid job of setting the scene and introducing Ken, (3) you used dialog very well to characterize him and propel the story forward, and (4) your ending was very satisfying to both Ken and me. Rod
Comment Written 07-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Rod,
Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed it and could relate to Ken. Yes, Ken did become a local hero. Perhaps I should try to build a whole book around the adventures of Ken.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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I like the idea of building a collection of stories around him.
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Thanks for the feedback Rod. Ken has picked up a bit of a following so it might just happen. Keep smiling.