Walking upon drifting sands
A sedoka poem6 total reviews
Comment from BermyBye50
kahpot,
This was a beautiful romantic entry in the Sedoka Poem contest, that I believe ought have received a first or at least a second place finish. Both stanzas are well written and capture the theme of this contests where each poem show the same scene from two different perspectives.
All the best,
Eugene
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2024
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kahpot,
This was a beautiful romantic entry in the Sedoka Poem contest, that I believe ought have received a first or at least a second place finish. Both stanzas are well written and capture the theme of this contests where each poem show the same scene from two different perspectives.
All the best,
Eugene
Comment Written 01-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Eugene, yes, I was trying to adhere to the rules, I had fun trying this form, and have enjoyed all the feedback, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Pamusart
Hi. This contest is very confusing because the writers prompt does not match what you guys are turning out. The writers prompt says it should be 575 but you guys are turning in 577 and the examples are also 577 so somehow even though the writing prompt says 575 you guys all know that it's really 577. If I have time, I'll get in touch with the contest coordinator and see if she can fix that.
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that.
I especially like the part about the evil spider even before I knew it was a metaphor for distance.
I also liked this part
" pon instant return
I'll build our castle of love
raising, drowning emotions"
Did you mean rising?
" pon instant return
I'll build our castle of love
raising, drowning emotions"
I saw no errors
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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Hi. This contest is very confusing because the writers prompt does not match what you guys are turning out. The writers prompt says it should be 575 but you guys are turning in 577 and the examples are also 577 so somehow even though the writing prompt says 575 you guys all know that it's really 577. If I have time, I'll get in touch with the contest coordinator and see if she can fix that.
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that.
I especially like the part about the evil spider even before I knew it was a metaphor for distance.
I also liked this part
" pon instant return
I'll build our castle of love
raising, drowning emotions"
Did you mean rising?
" pon instant return
I'll build our castle of love
raising, drowning emotions"
I saw no errors
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 31-May-2024
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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Thank you very much, I did contact the organizer, they said they could not edit that part, but it is 5-7-7
Comment from Bill Schott
This sedoka, Walking Upon Drifting Sands, has the proper formatting and uses the metaphor of the ocean and sands to speak to the wide separation and unmaneuverability of the situation.
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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This sedoka, Walking Upon Drifting Sands, has the proper formatting and uses the metaphor of the ocean and sands to speak to the wide separation and unmaneuverability of the situation.
Comment Written 31-May-2024
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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Thank you very much
Comment from Nicole Schmidt
I really enjoyed this and to feel the strong emotions behind it. The word usage is amazing as well. Good luck with your work moving forward I enjoy it.
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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I really enjoyed this and to feel the strong emotions behind it. The word usage is amazing as well. Good luck with your work moving forward I enjoy it.
Comment Written 31-May-2024
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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Wow! thank you so very much, your comments are so very encouraging
Comment from Sallyo
That's lovely, and we might have a winner here. The turn-around in this one is stronger than in some of the others I've read, and the picture you chose is most fitting.
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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That's lovely, and we might have a winner here. The turn-around in this one is stronger than in some of the others I've read, and the picture you chose is most fitting.
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you very much
Comment from royowen
Nicely written Sedoka, I like the metaphoric expressions describing those poetic seasons of love's outgoing ness means that one can the seasons in an emotion, well done, good luck blessings, Roy
Typo : you (abscence) finds me. Absence?
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Nicely written Sedoka, I like the metaphoric expressions describing those poetic seasons of love's outgoing ness means that one can the seasons in an emotion, well done, good luck blessings, Roy
Typo : you (abscence) finds me. Absence?
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you very much
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Most welcome