The Interloper
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Downfall Chap 5"a family sage told by the ignored one
3 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Joan, you should start promoting this story, and get more readers and reviews, this is an amazing story! When you come to the end, and you have edited it as much as possible, I'll give you a hand at formatting it for publishing. This chapter was superb, and I don't have a six left. Now we have to wait to see what that wife abuser gets up to next. I'm glad Angie was there for her, and I'm sure they both will enjoy each other's company. This was really, really good, my friend. Well done. Warmest hugs, Sandra xx
reply by the author on 22-May-2024
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Joan, you should start promoting this story, and get more readers and reviews, this is an amazing story! When you come to the end, and you have edited it as much as possible, I'll give you a hand at formatting it for publishing. This chapter was superb, and I don't have a six left. Now we have to wait to see what that wife abuser gets up to next. I'm glad Angie was there for her, and I'm sure they both will enjoy each other's company. This was really, really good, my friend. Well done. Warmest hugs, Sandra xx
Comment Written 22-May-2024
reply by the author on 22-May-2024
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Thanks for the nice review and the future help with publishing. I am honored that you think it deserved 6 stars. I was surprise that a male reviewer thought I should add a description of the wedding in that chapter. What do you think about that idea?
Joan
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What I do is make notes of all the suggestions I get with each chapter. I don't do anything with them until the end. Then as I go through my editing, I check out those suggestions and decide whether to use them or not. It might be a good idea to bring in a few details about Angie's wedding when and then her pain in a later chapter about her split with him. That was callous of her husband, (but most men in those days only married to get a male heir and the money the wife could bring in). Those details can be slipped in without it changing the story, a bit like my last chapter where I had George remembering his mother's death in his thoughts. Just a bit of flash fiction in the on going story. Just a small mention, and then leave it alone unless needed later. But this is YOUR story, no one elses. Do what YOU think, not what others think. I hope this makes sense, Joan. I still think you story is fabulous. xxx
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Thanks for your suggestions, Sandra. Maybe I could bring in a description of Natalie's wedding and Angie's too.
Joan
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I like this story, Joan! It's got real momentum and I'm picking up the strands of the plot quickly (it might help though to give the reader a little synopsis of events so far in author's notes). I certainly don't like the sound of Gunthar! Some edits below:
I quickly got dressed (and) met him at the door; I now know more of (you)...; but we realized that my bank account was (not?) enough...; I would stay here with (her); (I'm a little confused by) Just starting to call Mrs Bessersmith by her first name: Amanda and Catherine Caty; we left to (retrieve) my things..; ...on the counter(,) (s)he said...;She looked around me (then) at me...; more fearful (than) respectful...
Thank you for sharing, Joan, and I hope to read more after your very inviting cliff-hanger:) Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 22-May-2024
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I like this story, Joan! It's got real momentum and I'm picking up the strands of the plot quickly (it might help though to give the reader a little synopsis of events so far in author's notes). I certainly don't like the sound of Gunthar! Some edits below:
I quickly got dressed (and) met him at the door; I now know more of (you)...; but we realized that my bank account was (not?) enough...; I would stay here with (her); (I'm a little confused by) Just starting to call Mrs Bessersmith by her first name: Amanda and Catherine Caty; we left to (retrieve) my things..; ...on the counter(,) (s)he said...;She looked around me (then) at me...; more fearful (than) respectful...
Thank you for sharing, Joan, and I hope to read more after your very inviting cliff-hanger:) Take care Debbie
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 22-May-2024
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Thanks for reading and editing my story, Debbie. I appreciate both.
Joan
Comment from royowen
So many violent have come bearing gifts, after showing signs of violent behaviour, have fallen back into the depths of depravity still, as they say, does a leopard change its spots? Well done Jian, blessings Roy
Typo : I will not (step) foot...set? 2: More fearful (the respectful) of him. In respect?
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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So many violent have come bearing gifts, after showing signs of violent behaviour, have fallen back into the depths of depravity still, as they say, does a leopard change its spots? Well done Jian, blessings Roy
Typo : I will not (step) foot...set? 2: More fearful (the respectful) of him. In respect?
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Hi Roy.
Thanks for reading and editing this addition to my story.
Joan
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Most welcome