Right in the Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Right in the Eye, ch 19"The adventures and reaches of people with a divine
10 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a dangerous part of Ben Paul's determination to learn about his father's life. He never knew when he saved that girl's life that things could go so wrong. His father had a few problems like that also. Ben's life as mostly been simple, now he knows the other side of the coin.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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This is a dangerous part of Ben Paul's determination to learn about his father's life. He never knew when he saved that girl's life that things could go so wrong. His father had a few problems like that also. Ben's life as mostly been simple, now he knows the other side of the coin.
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you.
No one said that living up to a calling would be easy.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Ben the younger seems to be following Ben the elder into situations that most of us would prefer to avoid.
A well-written and engaging chapter, Wayne. I enjoyed the read.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Ben the younger seems to be following Ben the elder into situations that most of us would prefer to avoid.
A well-written and engaging chapter, Wayne. I enjoyed the read.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thank you very much!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Maybe the most meaningful word in the dictionary, YET. It covers so many things that most of us can't possibly keep up with them all. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Maybe the most meaningful word in the dictionary, YET. It covers so many things that most of us can't possibly keep up with them all. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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smiley face here
Thank you!!!!!
Comment from Jim Wile
Now I see where I went wrong in my last review. I had forgotten it was even a girl that Ben Paul had rescued from the burning building, hence when the bad guy showed up saying she had worked for him and was worth a lot of money to him, I didn't know who he was talking about, thinking it might have been Sylvia, which didn't make a lot of sense to me. Why would he think Ben Paul would have taken the rescued girl with them?
It's all so clear in your mind, but, especially when read several days later, it can be confusing to readers. Perhaps when the bad guy said his piece about the girl being worth a lot of money to him in the previous chapter, you had followed with a thought of Ben Paul's in which you'd said something like:
He was referring, of course, to the girl I had rescued from the burning building, but why he thought we may have taken her with us is anyone's guess.
It makes it a lot easier on the reader to know right off what you're talking about. It could just be me being a little thick, but this would have clarified for me instantly what you were talking about.
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Now I see where I went wrong in my last review. I had forgotten it was even a girl that Ben Paul had rescued from the burning building, hence when the bad guy showed up saying she had worked for him and was worth a lot of money to him, I didn't know who he was talking about, thinking it might have been Sylvia, which didn't make a lot of sense to me. Why would he think Ben Paul would have taken the rescued girl with them?
It's all so clear in your mind, but, especially when read several days later, it can be confusing to readers. Perhaps when the bad guy said his piece about the girl being worth a lot of money to him in the previous chapter, you had followed with a thought of Ben Paul's in which you'd said something like:
He was referring, of course, to the girl I had rescued from the burning building, but why he thought we may have taken her with us is anyone's guess.
It makes it a lot easier on the reader to know right off what you're talking about. It could just be me being a little thick, but this would have clarified for me instantly what you were talking about.
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thank you for your great review.
Yeah, it's a huge problem for the FanStory format. This chapter should have been twice as long. And in a book, readers wouldn't be waiting days with a hundred other posts in between.
Comment from Wendy G
Ben's calling is not exactly a smooth or easy one either! Danger seems to lurk everywhere. Sylvia seems to be very capable and a common-sense type. Will it be enough though, for them to just say they won't say anything? Probably not. I guess we'll soon see.
Wendy
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Ben's calling is not exactly a smooth or easy one either! Danger seems to lurk everywhere. Sylvia seems to be very capable and a common-sense type. Will it be enough though, for them to just say they won't say anything? Probably not. I guess we'll soon see.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thank you. Yes, trouble brews.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, Ben and Sylvia's calling is not smooth sailing either. It's good that the real thugs didn't do more damage to Ben or Sylvia. I am not sure what that warning was about. Not sure how Ben's agreement to not say anything helps them. I liked the multilingual request for understanding.
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Well, Ben and Sylvia's calling is not smooth sailing either. It's good that the real thugs didn't do more damage to Ben or Sylvia. I am not sure what that warning was about. Not sure how Ben's agreement to not say anything helps them. I liked the multilingual request for understanding.
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Thank you.
I'm gonna put it on the FanStoryformat. This entry should be twice the size, not leaving readers confused for days.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wow, Wayne, there's a lot going on here and you've built up the tension skilfully and credibly in your usual flawless prose. I'm afraid I've not been keeping up with the plot but that makes this chapter even more effective in conveying a palpable sense of suspense and danger. I like Sylvia too. She's a cool customer! Thanks for sharing, Wayne. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Wow, Wayne, there's a lot going on here and you've built up the tension skilfully and credibly in your usual flawless prose. I'm afraid I've not been keeping up with the plot but that makes this chapter even more effective in conveying a palpable sense of suspense and danger. I like Sylvia too. She's a cool customer! Thanks for sharing, Wayne. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Thank you.
Slim and Mary met Ben Paul in California. Ben Paul traveled to Creede to meet Sylvia. Now the four will get together in Los Cerrillos while their attacker is dealt with, hopefully.
(Sylvia is a peeker!) smiley face here
Comment from jim vecchio
Sure wish I had six again. Your chapters are way above average and get more and more exciting as the tale progresses. hope Ben and Sylvia make out safely. Wait, tht sounds dirty! You know what I mean!
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Sure wish I had six again. Your chapters are way above average and get more and more exciting as the tale progresses. hope Ben and Sylvia make out safely. Wait, tht sounds dirty! You know what I mean!
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Hah! I have a feeling that hey'll 'make out' just fine!
Thank you for your very nice review and the wish for a sixth star.
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If you post Sunday, you'll probably get it.
Comment from papa55mike
It sounds like they're chasing a dog that will bite'em hard if they don't watch it. But those old guys with guns are hard to beat. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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It sounds like they're chasing a dog that will bite'em hard if they don't watch it. But those old guys with guns are hard to beat. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Thank you for your great review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a lively chapter, with excellent character description. I liked the repeated reporting of attacks on Ben and Sylvia. It's a good job they live charmed lives. kay
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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This is a lively chapter, with excellent character description. I liked the repeated reporting of attacks on Ben and Sylvia. It's a good job they live charmed lives. kay
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Thank you for your very kind review.