The Lioness of Shadi
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Prince of the Closed Fist"A fantasy adventure out of antiquity
4 total reviews
Comment from Shanbreen
I generally am not fond of fantasies presented as historically based fiction. I read this piece because your language and presentation fascinated me. Love the conversation. For example, Ilati shook her head. "The scars he left cannot be seen. These are...reminders."
You also have amazing creativity in naming the places and the people, although the presentation of so many unfamiliar names in sync with the unfamiliar names of places was a bit confusing for me.
"Well done.
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I generally am not fond of fantasies presented as historically based fiction. I read this piece because your language and presentation fascinated me. Love the conversation. For example, Ilati shook her head. "The scars he left cannot be seen. These are...reminders."
You also have amazing creativity in naming the places and the people, although the presentation of so many unfamiliar names in sync with the unfamiliar names of places was a bit confusing for me.
"Well done.
Comment Written 01-May-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your writing is rich with emotion and tension. I was drawn deep into the the characters' inner struggles. I also found the political dynamics of their world interesting. The way you weave together themes of grief and loyalty creates an interesting story. I enjoyed it. Ilati's inner turmoil and resilience I thought shined through so clearly. Her interactions with Zidanta was interesting and for me made each character more "real".
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Your writing is rich with emotion and tension. I was drawn deep into the the characters' inner struggles. I also found the political dynamics of their world interesting. The way you weave together themes of grief and loyalty creates an interesting story. I enjoyed it. Ilati's inner turmoil and resilience I thought shined through so clearly. Her interactions with Zidanta was interesting and for me made each character more "real".
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad the themes are shining through. I think this is one of the clearer chapters on that front. I'm glad the characters are seeming realer as well. I really appreciate your time and I hope you have a wonderful week. Thank you again!
Comment from Mark Jackson
Overall, this excerpt showcases skilled storytelling, blending introspective prose with compelling character dynamics and immersive world-building. You adeptly navigates themes of grief, resilience, and the complexities of human nature, leaving readers eager to uncover the mysteries and conflicts that lie ahead. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Overall, this excerpt showcases skilled storytelling, blending introspective prose with compelling character dynamics and immersive world-building. You adeptly navigates themes of grief, resilience, and the complexities of human nature, leaving readers eager to uncover the mysteries and conflicts that lie ahead. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate your time and I'm glad it came across so well. I hope you have a wonderful week. Thank you again!
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written story and it flows very well when it is read aloud. Your sentence structure your paragraphing, and your punctuation are all very good. I wish you the very best with all of your writing and I wish you a very, very good week. Patricia.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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This is a very well written story and it flows very well when it is read aloud. Your sentence structure your paragraphing, and your punctuation are all very good. I wish you the very best with all of your writing and I wish you a very, very good week. Patricia.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I'm glad the structure is supporting clarity and I appreciate your time in giving the feedback. Have a wonderful week and thank you again!
