Intruder
A noise in the dark9 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a well-paced and credible accounting of what that scene might look like. The character break was likely unnecessary, though it did allow for a moment of comedy relief.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024
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This is a well-paced and credible accounting of what that scene might look like. The character break was likely unnecessary, though it did allow for a moment of comedy relief.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Bill!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Everything seems so much worse in the dark and alone. Your well-crafted story builds the tension well and reflects all those thoughts of fear blended with a sense of duty and responsibility to others. I actually thought your intruder was going to be a mouse or two. But even more benign than that and yet creating such a foreboding and deeply memorable sensation. An excellent story for the contest! Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Everything seems so much worse in the dark and alone. Your well-crafted story builds the tension well and reflects all those thoughts of fear blended with a sense of duty and responsibility to others. I actually thought your intruder was going to be a mouse or two. But even more benign than that and yet creating such a foreboding and deeply memorable sensation. An excellent story for the contest! Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for your lovely review!
Comment from Natureschild
This tale gets at that internal struggle we all know too well--the one between wanting to shield yourself and those dear to you and the sheer ambiguity of the impending danger. The build-up of tension had me hooked from the start, and that twist at the end? Brilliantly unexpected yet fulfilling, mixing a sense of relief with a good chuckle. The way sensory details are woven in, like the sounds and the feeling of movement, ramps up the sense of dread and the rush to act. I enjoyed it. - Terry
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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This tale gets at that internal struggle we all know too well--the one between wanting to shield yourself and those dear to you and the sheer ambiguity of the impending danger. The build-up of tension had me hooked from the start, and that twist at the end? Brilliantly unexpected yet fulfilling, mixing a sense of relief with a good chuckle. The way sensory details are woven in, like the sounds and the feeling of movement, ramps up the sense of dread and the rush to act. I enjoyed it. - Terry
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thank you very much for your kind review. Much appreciated.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from GoWiSt
"My parents could be killed while I lay down here" Change lay to lie or I'm lying, in keeping with the present tense narration.
Very well narrated fright scene. Good imagery, as your words put me right in the moment, and my senses perceive all that's transpiring in that basement.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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"My parents could be killed while I lay down here" Change lay to lie or I'm lying, in keeping with the present tense narration.
Very well narrated fright scene. Good imagery, as your words put me right in the moment, and my senses perceive all that's transpiring in that basement.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Thanks for the correction--I struggle with that one & pondered the use for awhile before choosing. Thanks for your review!
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very intriguing story and I enjoyed listening to it very much. This is the way it is when we're living in a place where it's absolutely dark and we're here and identified noises. Our imaginations can take over and we could be paralyzed almost. I am glad you didn't have any harm. Come to you or to your family. Patricia.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This is a very intriguing story and I enjoyed listening to it very much. This is the way it is when we're living in a place where it's absolutely dark and we're here and identified noises. Our imaginations can take over and we could be paralyzed almost. I am glad you didn't have any harm. Come to you or to your family. Patricia.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thanks for your review!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It is always good to be prepared for the worst in this kind of situation and a relief when it isn't what we thought and I enjoyed your post, I was on the edge of my seat and was glad to have a happy ending, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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It is always good to be prepared for the worst in this kind of situation and a relief when it isn't what we thought and I enjoyed your post, I was on the edge of my seat and was glad to have a happy ending, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much!
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story is totally compelling. I couldn't read fast enough. Your descriptions were so vivid, I felt like I was in the basement. I could almost hear the rustling. You made YOUR fear, the reader's fear. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This story is totally compelling. I couldn't read fast enough. Your descriptions were so vivid, I felt like I was in the basement. I could almost hear the rustling. You made YOUR fear, the reader's fear. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review! Appreciated!
Comment from robyn corum
G,
Absolutely. I am quite proud of you. John Wayne said, "Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway". Confronting our fears is no small thing. I applaud you.
Then writing them down so nicely deserves another round. *smile* Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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G,
Absolutely. I am quite proud of you. John Wayne said, "Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway". Confronting our fears is no small thing. I applaud you.
Then writing them down so nicely deserves another round. *smile* Good luck!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much!
Comment from royowen
Yes, the night is a terrible time, it seemed to affect more as a child than anytime now, but nothing hiding likes under the bedclothes. If I can't see them, they can't seem me...right? Beautifully written my friend, these things can be scary, but you were prepared to defend the household right? Good work blessings, Roy
Typo : I have (a pair) of scissors.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Yes, the night is a terrible time, it seemed to affect more as a child than anytime now, but nothing hiding likes under the bedclothes. If I can't see them, they can't seem me...right? Beautifully written my friend, these things can be scary, but you were prepared to defend the household right? Good work blessings, Roy
Typo : I have (a pair) of scissors.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your review!
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Welcome
