Two Colors
Two lambs make a discovery17 total reviews
Comment from gramalot8
This is a very good poem. I am sure that children will enjoy it. Would be very cute in an illustrated storybook version.
A great message for everyone... children and adults alike.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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This is a very good poem. I am sure that children will enjoy it. Would be very cute in an illustrated storybook version.
A great message for everyone... children and adults alike.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your kindness!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a sweet natured write for the contest and I enjoyed your fine rhymes and your metre overall was really good with just a few hiccups in places, I adores the sentiments and wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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This is a sweet natured write for the contest and I enjoyed your fine rhymes and your metre overall was really good with just a few hiccups in places, I adores the sentiments and wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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Dolly, your comments always help me in some way. Thank you.
Comment from bob cullen
What a lovely message for children. Colour doesn't matter. Hope the lambs understand the message than we humans do. Then again, I suppose sheep are often a whole lot smarter than we humans. Me included. Very nicely written.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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What a lovely message for children. Colour doesn't matter. Hope the lambs understand the message than we humans do. Then again, I suppose sheep are often a whole lot smarter than we humans. Me included. Very nicely written.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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That was a dear message. I needed that?lol
Comment from GWHARGIS
Awe. This was so sweet. I love the easy rhyming scheme and the way the story progressed. I found it so wonderful that you said she needed grace. It was a perfect word choice. Not every poet would have been good enough to use that word. Beautifully written. Gretchen
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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Awe. This was so sweet. I love the easy rhyming scheme and the way the story progressed. I found it so wonderful that you said she needed grace. It was a perfect word choice. Not every poet would have been good enough to use that word. Beautifully written. Gretchen
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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Thank you for such nice comments, Gretchen. Hug
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent poem with a fine message, not only for children but for everyone. It flows well, with a fine metre, and rhymes well too. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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An excellent poem with a fine message, not only for children but for everyone. It flows well, with a fine metre, and rhymes well too. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for the kind words given. It was so nice reading them.
Comment from jessizero
I think this was a great Children's rhyming poem. I love that Luna found her friend. You're right that colors shouldn't matter to anyone. I also liked your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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I think this was a great Children's rhyming poem. I love that Luna found her friend. You're right that colors shouldn't matter to anyone. I also liked your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Blessings? loved your comments.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hello Poet!
This is a lovely teaching poem for children. The story of two colors translates to no colors actually. Black and white being the absence of color.
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Hello Poet!
This is a lovely teaching poem for children. The story of two colors translates to no colors actually. Black and white being the absence of color.
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much. Honestly,I could not figure out how to upload my pic from photos. Lol
Comment from Michele Harber
Amen to your comment: "Color shouldn't matter to man or sheep!"
You chose a lovely way to make your point, as you present it as a gentle reminder. You don't need to beat someone over the head with an idea for them to understand, and you chose characters (two lambs) that would appeal to children, for whom this is intended.
Your abab cdcd, etc. rhyme scheme works perfectly, giving your poem a nice sing-song quality that should also appeal to children.
Your meter is perfect except for one line: "Who didn't believe in spite." If you were to say, i.e., "Who had no need for spite," it would get your point across while sticking to the rhythm you'd established.
My only other suggestion is to make your poem more visually appealing. You might want to add a picture, divide your poem into stanzas on the page (which are already written into your poem, just not shown), and choose a larger, perhaps more kid-friendly font. In other words, you have a poem whose words kids should read, and which they'd enjoy, so why not give it an appearance that would attract kids to read it or ask that it be read to them? Just a suggestion.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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Amen to your comment: "Color shouldn't matter to man or sheep!"
You chose a lovely way to make your point, as you present it as a gentle reminder. You don't need to beat someone over the head with an idea for them to understand, and you chose characters (two lambs) that would appeal to children, for whom this is intended.
Your abab cdcd, etc. rhyme scheme works perfectly, giving your poem a nice sing-song quality that should also appeal to children.
Your meter is perfect except for one line: "Who didn't believe in spite." If you were to say, i.e., "Who had no need for spite," it would get your point across while sticking to the rhythm you'd established.
My only other suggestion is to make your poem more visually appealing. You might want to add a picture, divide your poem into stanzas on the page (which are already written into your poem, just not shown), and choose a larger, perhaps more kid-friendly font. In other words, you have a poem whose words kids should read, and which they'd enjoy, so why not give it an appearance that would attract kids to read it or ask that it be read to them? Just a suggestion.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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Michelle, your comments were wonderful and so helpful! I will be honest. I have cried over my inability to upload my pictures to the site. So I tried to find one on fan art and I was unsuccessful. I?m a writer who loves writing and drawing above all else? but I am questioning my ability to post correctly? so I don?t know what to do. I?m glad you don?t know who this is, for I would be ashamed🥹thank you for listening and for your insight. I agree completely. Thank you!
Blessings
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I?m so glad I was able to help!
Please don?t be ashamed over not knowing how to do something electronic. You apparently lack something I have: a teenaged daughter to handle all my electronics questions!
Seriously, here?s how I get pictures in FanStory. First, I find a picture online. I search ?free picture of [whatever]? and, when I find what I want, I press ?save image as,? and save it to my Pictures file. It has to save as a JPEG or JPG file to use it in FanStory.
When you?re in FanStory, instead of picking FanArt, pick Computer then tap on the rectangle under it and it will open a search path. Enter the path for your Pictures file and select the name of the photo you saved. If it?s a proper-type photo, you?ll see a tiny version of the picture. If it?s the one you want, hit Upload and that should do the trick. In case I missed anything, just follow the prompts. Good luck!
Comment from Wils
A cute poem that has a very important message.
Sadly, I think adults need to read it more than kids do. Good luck in the contest, this should do well.
Geoff
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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A cute poem that has a very important message.
Sadly, I think adults need to read it more than kids do. Good luck in the contest, this should do well.
Geoff
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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Thank you so very much, Geoff.I appreciate your reading it. Your comments were important to me.
Comment from Mark Jackson
I like it it is a good poem for younger children, a nursery rhyme of sorts. It has a simple and positive message and a simple rhyme which is all you needed in this competition. Good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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I like it it is a good poem for younger children, a nursery rhyme of sorts. It has a simple and positive message and a simple rhyme which is all you needed in this competition. Good luck.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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What nice comments and insight. Thank you for reading this. I appreciate it. Take care.