The Car That Brought Us Together
Grandkids love to tell the story46 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
That car was a big first attraction, but the guy was the real bonus. Sweet poem like all your writing. It is 56 years for my husband and me and I cannot believe how the years have flown.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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That car was a big first attraction, but the guy was the real bonus. Sweet poem like all your writing. It is 56 years for my husband and me and I cannot believe how the years have flown.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Awe, Carol, that is so awesome how you have been married for so long.... and yet you look so young and cute.
Thanks for all the kind comments for my car poem. I really was a little shallow back then, but thankfully I grew out of it.
Thanks again, my dear friend. Love, Debi
Comment from Neil Samways
A lovely love story thats told over many years, how wonderful that a car can bring a life time of memories and happiness. 50 years, three kids and 6 grandchildren, all thanks to one car.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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A lovely love story thats told over many years, how wonderful that a car can bring a life time of memories and happiness. 50 years, three kids and 6 grandchildren, all thanks to one car.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Hi Neil, I thank you so very much for the kind words for our anniversary and for having some fun with me and my early years of shallow immature love for the car LOL. Thanks again, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from Sallyo
I do love a love story that ranges over years. This one has a novel focal point with the car...and a green car, too! I get so bored with black, white, silver and grey cars. Give me blue, green, yellow, red, orange, etc. I'm not surprised if grandkids would tell this story!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I do love a love story that ranges over years. This one has a novel focal point with the car...and a green car, too! I get so bored with black, white, silver and grey cars. Give me blue, green, yellow, red, orange, etc. I'm not surprised if grandkids would tell this story!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Hi Sallyo, I thank you with all my heart. I get tired of white vehicles too, yet my husband now owns two.....Thanks again, my friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the
Poem Poetry Contest.
Hahaha.... this poem story is the best. I loved the car references. I get it. I bought a convertible mustang that I love so much, but regrettably I had an accident and the car was totaled.
Well done! Things are nice but family comes first. Congratulations on the 50 years anniversary.
Love
Marival
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Excellent entry for the
Poem Poetry Contest.
Hahaha.... this poem story is the best. I loved the car references. I get it. I bought a convertible mustang that I love so much, but regrettably I had an accident and the car was totaled.
Well done! Things are nice but family comes first. Congratulations on the 50 years anniversary.
Love
Marival
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Marival, I thank you with all my heart. You are so sweet and I appreciate all the kind words and the gracious six stars. I will think of you on our anniversary. Thanks again, my very wonderful friend. Hugs!!
Love, Debi
Comment from Monica Chaddick
Boy, does this bring back some memories for me, as well. As I was reading your poem, I could see, plain as day, the cars that have passed through my life and what they meant to me. Thanks for the memories!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Boy, does this bring back some memories for me, as well. As I was reading your poem, I could see, plain as day, the cars that have passed through my life and what they meant to me. Thanks for the memories!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Dearest Monica, I thank you with all my heart. You are so sweet and I appreciate all the kind words and the gracious six stars. I will think of you on our anniversary. Thanks again, my very wonderful friend. Hugs!!
Love, Debi
Comment from godlucifer
those classic cars are so joyable. i am fascinated by those classic cars. your poem truly tell a love story about you and your man for 50 yrs and beyond. your poem was a true written from your heart. thanks for the read.
truly
godlucifer
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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those classic cars are so joyable. i am fascinated by those classic cars. your poem truly tell a love story about you and your man for 50 yrs and beyond. your poem was a true written from your heart. thanks for the read.
truly
godlucifer
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Awe, I thank you with all my heart. You are so sweet and I appreciate all the kind words.
I will think of you on our anniversary. Thanks again, my very wonderful friend. Hugs!!
Love, Debi
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and presentation, Debi.
-You have written an excellent poem with effective imagery and rhyme.
-It flows well from verse to verse as you tell your story.
-The first line is excellent and captures our attention.
-I like your second verse since you were glad "there was an us."
-I guess you got the man and the car.
-Did you get rid of the car after you started your family?
-The conclusion is heartfelt as you express the emotions
you feel as you reminisce.
-Very well done and deserving of a win in the contest, dear friend.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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-Very nice image and presentation, Debi.
-You have written an excellent poem with effective imagery and rhyme.
-It flows well from verse to verse as you tell your story.
-The first line is excellent and captures our attention.
-I like your second verse since you were glad "there was an us."
-I guess you got the man and the car.
-Did you get rid of the car after you started your family?
-The conclusion is heartfelt as you express the emotions
you feel as you reminisce.
-Very well done and deserving of a win in the contest, dear friend.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Dearest Pam, I thank you with all my heart. You are so sweet and I appreciate all the kind words and the gracious six stars. I will think of you on our anniversary. Thanks again, my very wonderful friend. Hugs!!
Love, Debi
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Debi. Thanks for sharing in your reply.
Comment from June Sargent
Well, congratulations on your upcoming anniversary! My husband and I just celebrated our 55th anniversary in March. The funny thing is that our daughter found a photo of a 1960 Dodge Matador online, ordered it and had it framed for us. That was the car we dated in! I loved your post. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Well, congratulations on your upcoming anniversary! My husband and I just celebrated our 55th anniversary in March. The funny thing is that our daughter found a photo of a 1960 Dodge Matador online, ordered it and had it framed for us. That was the car we dated in! I loved your post. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Awe, June, I thank you with all my heart. You are so sweet and I appreciate all the kind words. I love that you have a car that you also relate to. I will think of you on our anniversary. Thanks again, my very wonderful friend. Hugs!!
Love, Debi
Comment from Colorado Owl
I love this! So romantic and funny at the same time. I can understand this. "I'd look forward to dates because it's just the three of us" really made me smile. Congratulations on 50 years, even though now it's just the two of you :-)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I love this! So romantic and funny at the same time. I can understand this. "I'd look forward to dates because it's just the three of us" really made me smile. Congratulations on 50 years, even though now it's just the two of you :-)
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I thank you so very much for the kind words for our anniversary and for having some fun with me and my early years of shallow immature love for the car LOL. Thanks again, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from SimianSavant
50 years, now that's a great milestone to celebrate. This is a cool and unique story, and looks like it was quite a car.
A few suggestions on grammar and flow:
STANZA 1
A green Roadrunner <= make it THE green Roadrunner, as this connects more naturally to the second part of the sentence (The... most)
At first when he would look at me and I would look right past <= the AND doesn't work; I suggest replacing it with a comma. Taking a one-beat rest is fine and doesn't mess up your meter.
Last line rhymes but I think what you mean to imply is how fast the car could go. Instead of "and wondering how fast", try "if it could go fast". It's not precisely the same meaning, but it completes the sentence.
STANZA 2
And after we had dated, and together for a while <= missing a word. The simplest resolution is to simply make it "...had dated, BEEN together..."
My love kept getting stronger, <= semicolon
I'd look forward to dates <= to fit all your syllables in the line, this puts the accent on the second syllable of forward (for-WARD), which is best avoided. How about: "when looking forward to a date with just the three of us"
last line: this would be a fun place to insert a joke about a third wheel. E.g. "we never had deal with a third wheel -- we had four" (but you'd have to change the rhyme in the previous line)
STANZA 3
"with my head he'd mess" is a little clumsy, but changing it might mess up your story too much
"I do love how" -- this puts the accent on DO, a weak verb. How about replacing it with "sure"?
But was I ready to learn how to become a new wife <=this puts the accent on the BE of become, which is awkward, and then you also have an accent on "A" after that. You might want to consider rephasing. E.g. "but what would happen to the car if I became his wife"?
STANZA 4
We sold the car when baby news said we'd have our first one <= baby news and first one are redundant, so it's a little confusing.
Maybe try: when baby news arrived with bills, that old car's time was done
My family's my life; my love for them never forbids <= forbids what? Not sure what this line means. Maybe try a different rhyme. Grandkids is a hard word to rhyme, so maybe try to end the previous line with a word that's easier to rhyme. E.g. "two more kids, a bit of time; it's now six grandkids later"
And when I think how fast time went, <= for flow, try to avoid ending a phrase on a word that closes off the mouth. Try: "And when I think of time flown by" or "
On May 18th, my love and I are married 50 years <= wrong verb tense, but difficult to fix this without hacking a bit. Not sure you'll like this, but you could try something like: "Our marriage has been quite a ride, now nearing 50 years"
The last two lines work well.
Thanks for the read! Hope this helps.
SS
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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50 years, now that's a great milestone to celebrate. This is a cool and unique story, and looks like it was quite a car.
A few suggestions on grammar and flow:
STANZA 1
A green Roadrunner <= make it THE green Roadrunner, as this connects more naturally to the second part of the sentence (The... most)
At first when he would look at me and I would look right past <= the AND doesn't work; I suggest replacing it with a comma. Taking a one-beat rest is fine and doesn't mess up your meter.
Last line rhymes but I think what you mean to imply is how fast the car could go. Instead of "and wondering how fast", try "if it could go fast". It's not precisely the same meaning, but it completes the sentence.
STANZA 2
And after we had dated, and together for a while <= missing a word. The simplest resolution is to simply make it "...had dated, BEEN together..."
My love kept getting stronger, <= semicolon
I'd look forward to dates <= to fit all your syllables in the line, this puts the accent on the second syllable of forward (for-WARD), which is best avoided. How about: "when looking forward to a date with just the three of us"
last line: this would be a fun place to insert a joke about a third wheel. E.g. "we never had deal with a third wheel -- we had four" (but you'd have to change the rhyme in the previous line)
STANZA 3
"with my head he'd mess" is a little clumsy, but changing it might mess up your story too much
"I do love how" -- this puts the accent on DO, a weak verb. How about replacing it with "sure"?
But was I ready to learn how to become a new wife <=this puts the accent on the BE of become, which is awkward, and then you also have an accent on "A" after that. You might want to consider rephasing. E.g. "but what would happen to the car if I became his wife"?
STANZA 4
We sold the car when baby news said we'd have our first one <= baby news and first one are redundant, so it's a little confusing.
Maybe try: when baby news arrived with bills, that old car's time was done
My family's my life; my love for them never forbids <= forbids what? Not sure what this line means. Maybe try a different rhyme. Grandkids is a hard word to rhyme, so maybe try to end the previous line with a word that's easier to rhyme. E.g. "two more kids, a bit of time; it's now six grandkids later"
And when I think how fast time went, <= for flow, try to avoid ending a phrase on a word that closes off the mouth. Try: "And when I think of time flown by" or "
On May 18th, my love and I are married 50 years <= wrong verb tense, but difficult to fix this without hacking a bit. Not sure you'll like this, but you could try something like: "Our marriage has been quite a ride, now nearing 50 years"
The last two lines work well.
Thanks for the read! Hope this helps.
SS
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Hey You, SS! I am touched how you take the time to do this and as long as you aren't using AI, I am very appreciative. I only had the time to glance through this so far as I am getting ready to post a birthday poem for Nomi. But I see that you have suggestions on many places that I was struggling on.
I needed them to sound a certain way or say just the right thing, so as you also say you had trouble with them, so did I. For instance, I would rather it sound awkward than not complete my message of our wedding anniversary. I can't go with your suggestion, but I do appreciate very much many of the others. And just as soon as I am done posting the new one, I will definitely take some of your suggestions. So thank you, my friend. I do appreciate you very much. And just so you know, I do love the third wheel add on.
Love, Debi
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I only use AI for my images, never for writing, ha. When AI can complete two-dimensional acrostics and write compelling on theology and politics, then I'll listen to its suggestions ; )
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Thank you and some of your suggestions actually prompted me to make some better edits so as much as I didn't use them all, I felt I greatly improved the piece, as there were parts I was not happy with either. Thank you so very much, my friend.
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You're most welcome. Coming up with even better improvements of your own is always the best outcome!
