A Betrayal
Haiku3 total reviews
Comment from SimianSavant
**rating revised after edits made**
Your color scheme is good, aligning with the idea of tears. This gets the message across but it's a little clunky. A couple suggestions to smooth it out:
-Crop off the Shutterstock tag on the bottom of the image. You can do this in any image editor, or on a phone. Put that shutterstock notation in your notes instead, where it is less distracting.
-Keep the middle line as one cohesive clause. For example:
she cries in her mother's arms
crying in her mother's arms
she sobs, inconsolable
Hope this helps. If you edit, let me know and I will bump this up a star. Thanks for the read!
SS
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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**rating revised after edits made**
Your color scheme is good, aligning with the idea of tears. This gets the message across but it's a little clunky. A couple suggestions to smooth it out:
-Crop off the Shutterstock tag on the bottom of the image. You can do this in any image editor, or on a phone. Put that shutterstock notation in your notes instead, where it is less distracting.
-Keep the middle line as one cohesive clause. For example:
she cries in her mother's arms
crying in her mother's arms
she sobs, inconsolable
Hope this helps. If you edit, let me know and I will bump this up a star. Thanks for the read!
SS
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much for these critiques! It definitely looks a lot better now :)
Comment from jessizero
You got the syllable count correct for this contest, and your poem was very relatable and heartbreaking. I know how this feels, and you've captured it beautifully. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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You got the syllable count correct for this contest, and your poem was very relatable and heartbreaking. I know how this feels, and you've captured it beautifully. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
Comment from Jodi Ann Anderson
It can be hard to put a lot of impact in such a short poem, but you did it! You also have a perfect syllable count for the 5-7-5 writing prompt. The picture fits it too!
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It can be hard to put a lot of impact in such a short poem, but you did it! You also have a perfect syllable count for the 5-7-5 writing prompt. The picture fits it too!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024