Right in the Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Right in the Eye, ch 3"The adventures and reaches of people with a divine
14 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
How much of this is a real life he is hearing, and how much is his dreams and imaginings. We do not know. I hope very little time has passed and he recovers. But you are the writer kiddo not me.
Karen
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2024
  |
How much of this is a real life he is hearing, and how much is his dreams and imaginings. We do not know. I hope very little time has passed and he recovers. But you are the writer kiddo not me.
Karen
Comment Written 24-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2024
-
smiley face here
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What a poignant read as we become immersed into this timeless experience of consciousness versus unconsciousness and a brain that has become impaired forever, it seems. Your monologue is, as I would expect from you, incredibly well expressed as you transport the reader into a wholly different world, a very challenging task but successfully achieved. Well done, Wayne. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
|
What a poignant read as we become immersed into this timeless experience of consciousness versus unconsciousness and a brain that has become impaired forever, it seems. Your monologue is, as I would expect from you, incredibly well expressed as you transport the reader into a wholly different world, a very challenging task but successfully achieved. Well done, Wayne. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
-
Wow! What a great review. Thank you.
Comment from BethShelby
I can't imagine someone being cared for that long without any indication he knew what was going on. I also can't imagine anyone living to 120 with no exercise or being outside. He doesn't seem to mind that much. He said it had sold his claim. That means the guy who tried to rob him were actually robbing someone else. If anyone had found his money he probably had enough to pay for that long stay.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
|
I can't imagine someone being cared for that long without any indication he knew what was going on. I also can't imagine anyone living to 120 with no exercise or being outside. He doesn't seem to mind that much. He said it had sold his claim. That means the guy who tried to rob him were actually robbing someone else. If anyone had found his money he probably had enough to pay for that long stay.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
-
He knew what was going on, but was paralyzed.
I'm playing a bit of poetic license with his condition. After all, it was Ben Persons who saved him.
the claim that he was robbed of, he didn't sell. The two bad men shot him and threw him over the mountainside where Ben found him. The claim he sold was near LouAnne.
Thank you for the review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was well written and made sense, but Slim really didn't have a very exciting life, although it seems to have lasted 120 years. Is he going to live a lot longer and we'll move into SF future?
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
This was well written and made sense, but Slim really didn't have a very exciting life, although it seems to have lasted 120 years. Is he going to live a lot longer and we'll move into SF future?
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for your very kind review. The story will be Slim's for a while.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, this was an interesting recap of history from the point of view of a patient who was in a coma. But because he is in a coma, I'm guessing that we can't take his word that he's 120 years old as few live that long even if they were taking the best care of their health. I guess we'll get the perspective of a conscious person soon.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
Well, this was an interesting recap of history from the point of view of a patient who was in a coma. But because he is in a coma, I'm guessing that we can't take his word that he's 120 years old as few live that long even if they were taking the best care of their health. I guess we'll get the perspective of a conscious person soon.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Thank you.
I played with his age in order to make the history work out. I'm counting on a little poetic license and accepting of some divine intervention.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter, and it's an exciting way to get Ben Persons back in the story. Some people who have been in a coma for a long time and wake up often report hearing things but cannot respond. I do not see any need for improvement.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
This is another excellent chapter, and it's an exciting way to get Ben Persons back in the story. Some people who have been in a coma for a long time and wake up often report hearing things but cannot respond. I do not see any need for improvement.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Thank you. I appreciate your very nice review.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
You talk about Slim seeing smiles; is he imagining them based on the tone of voice or words that he's hearing?
Wayne, this reminded me of the book, "Johnny Got His Gun", which was one of the most profound books I've ever read on the cost of war.
I can't imagine Slim is 120, but he certainly is detailing historic changes in the world, as well as changes to the health care system and its employees. The chatty attendants at the beginning are replaced by someone occasionally happening by to turn him.
Well, I'll be interested to see what happens next.
This was chilling.
Have a great weekend, and I look forward to reading the next chapter.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
You talk about Slim seeing smiles; is he imagining them based on the tone of voice or words that he's hearing?
Wayne, this reminded me of the book, "Johnny Got His Gun", which was one of the most profound books I've ever read on the cost of war.
I can't imagine Slim is 120, but he certainly is detailing historic changes in the world, as well as changes to the health care system and its employees. The chatty attendants at the beginning are replaced by someone occasionally happening by to turn him.
Well, I'll be interested to see what happens next.
This was chilling.
Have a great weekend, and I look forward to reading the next chapter.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Thank you. I'll have to look up 'Johnny'. It sounds vaguely familiar.
Maybe I should comment on how his eyes work, just without muscle control.
This was the gimmick that I hope will work, aging Slim in a sort of miraculous manner in order to tie him into Ben Paul. But I get ahead of myself.
-
Wayne, if you haven't read the book, you may have heard Metallica's song "One" in which the line "Johnny Got His Gun" is repeated. The song was influenced by the book.
It's older, written in 1939, and was extremely controversial. My son read it in high school, but I'm certain it's been banned from most schools at this time because it is an anti-war book and pretty disturbing. But honest. You'd like it.
-
Hah! Are there 'any' books left in Florida libraries interesting enough to read? (smiley face here)
Closest I come to a music memory of Johnny would be Johnny Cash singing 'Don't take Your Guns To Town'. (another smiley face here)
-
No, our libraries are stripped here and all spring breakers have pretty much been told not to ever come back to Florida because getting drunk and possibly damaging property is not tolerated. BUT you can bring your gun to Florida on vacation.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Great chapter! Slim getting to tell his own story, figuring he had lived to 120, but not really sure. LOL. I guess, to know anything at 120 is a pretty good feat. Wish I had a six. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
Great chapter! Slim getting to tell his own story, figuring he had lived to 120, but not really sure. LOL. I guess, to know anything at 120 is a pretty good feat. Wish I had a six. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Thank you. I had him at 140, but my 'beta' reader nixed the idea. Grrrr. That's what I get for using my sister. Grrrr.
Thanks for your fun review.
-
LOL.
Comment from Mintybee
This is an interesting POV experiment. The pace really picked up, from talking about days going by to eras going by. I was hopeful he'd recover, since so much was from his perspective. Probably not at 120. I'm interested to see where this is going.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
|
This is an interesting POV experiment. The pace really picked up, from talking about days going by to eras going by. I was hopeful he'd recover, since so much was from his perspective. Probably not at 120. I'm interested to see where this is going.
Mintybee
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for your very kind review.
I hope you can hang with me for the next chapter.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
It is hard to write a good monologue. It all depends on pace and filling the story with an engaging tale. To succeed you need to fill your head with the tale, and let it escape little by little, paying attention to keep the same pitch. You have managed all this admirably, presenting a totally believable post. Well done, kay
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
 |
It is hard to write a good monologue. It all depends on pace and filling the story with an engaging tale. To succeed you need to fill your head with the tale, and let it escape little by little, paying attention to keep the same pitch. You have managed all this admirably, presenting a totally believable post. Well done, kay
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
-
Wow! Thank you immensely! And thank you for the six stars.
