Comment from Julie Helms

Excellent

This is a very well-written story. It is not my genre at all (the tech is confusing to me), but I still very much enjoyed the character interplay. I would have predicted I'd be bored by this topic (because I don't understand it) but you kept me completely focused till the end.

A couple suggestions for your consideration:


"me and Grim are going to be boring (It's conversation so may have been intentional, but in case not... Grim and I)

"Dead to the word," (world?)

Gri took a long draft on the vape. (Grim)

Even so, the dart clipped the top edge (Did the dart come out of the vape?)

Really nicely done!
Julie
:-)

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024

Oops, thanks for the spag. Glad you liked it despite the genre

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

Nicely done! From the moment Grim enters Daniel's office, there is a sense of unease that kept me engaged and eager to know what will happen next. This tension is effectively maintained throughout the story, leading to terrific ending. Thank you for sharing your story and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2024

---

reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024

You're very kind, thank you. Glad you enjoyed it