Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 159 "How Mom Met My Father"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
2 total reviews
Comment from phill doran
Hello Aiona,
Well, I must say this is great writing.
You have really taken the "free form" opportunity to construct an engaging (to say the least) narrative. There's enough story to be a story, and enough silence to allow the reader an opportunity to bring their own shading to the picture.
It is impossible to comment on the form as there's no measure of right or wrong, but know that I am NOT a great fan of the form and my rating really is a surprise to me too!
I wish you well with your continued writing - this would make a spectacular short story...just a suggestion.
cheers
phill
I think you are missing a full stop at the end of the first 'verse'.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Hello Aiona,
Well, I must say this is great writing.
You have really taken the "free form" opportunity to construct an engaging (to say the least) narrative. There's enough story to be a story, and enough silence to allow the reader an opportunity to bring their own shading to the picture.
It is impossible to comment on the form as there's no measure of right or wrong, but know that I am NOT a great fan of the form and my rating really is a surprise to me too!
I wish you well with your continued writing - this would make a spectacular short story...just a suggestion.
cheers
phill
I think you are missing a full stop at the end of the first 'verse'.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your review, Phill. I appreciate your critique, and I'll insert that period.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like a Dad in name only as he was never around as you were growing up and that you may have other siblings too. Our humble beginnings present more questions than answers sometimes, I enjoyed your personal musings, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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This sounds like a Dad in name only as he was never around as you were growing up and that you may have other siblings too. Our humble beginnings present more questions than answers sometimes, I enjoyed your personal musings, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your review, Dolly. Luckily it's not autobiographical! :)