2024 Gypsy's Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Trying to Keep Warm "x
15 total reviews
Comment from Glenda Collins
I really like this. Provokes thought and very poignant. Definite connection between the top and bottom lines. There is irony, it evokes a sense of empathy and makes a statement about society and it's structural and political problems. Very well done. This is my first introduction to a SENRYU poem, very intriguing. Thank you so much for sharing and for the author's notes. The picture is also amazing--his eyes just draw you in.
So, so good.
Glenda
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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I really like this. Provokes thought and very poignant. Definite connection between the top and bottom lines. There is irony, it evokes a sense of empathy and makes a statement about society and it's structural and political problems. Very well done. This is my first introduction to a SENRYU poem, very intriguing. Thank you so much for sharing and for the author's notes. The picture is also amazing--his eyes just draw you in.
So, so good.
Glenda
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You really have captured the essence, so succinctly, of that homeless man. I can practically feel the welcome warmth of that vent pouring life into his ragged form. A poignant scene. Well done, Gypsy! Debbie
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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You really have captured the essence, so succinctly, of that homeless man. I can practically feel the welcome warmth of that vent pouring life into his ragged form. A poignant scene. Well done, Gypsy! Debbie
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from mermaids
There are feelings and emotions in your words. Your poem creates a clear image of this man attempting to keep warm. Your words are true to life. Excellent poetic form that makes the reader think.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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There are feelings and emotions in your words. Your poem creates a clear image of this man attempting to keep warm. Your words are true to life. Excellent poetic form that makes the reader think.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Baltimore Born
This is a well-crafted poem. Yes, this problem is everywhere. More has to be done to right this wrong. Your poem flows and reads well. The words in your poem should touch every one's heart who reads this poem. Nice job.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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This is a well-crafted poem. Yes, this problem is everywhere. More has to be done to right this wrong. Your poem flows and reads well. The words in your poem should touch every one's heart who reads this poem. Nice job.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Although your poem is sad, the presentation is absolutely beautiful. I was drawn in by the picture of the obviously downtrodden man washed with a sea of blue. Your posts are always so complete.
There's no reason for homelessness in our country, yet here we are. I'll not share my political views on the subject.
Thank you for sharing another thoughtful post.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Although your poem is sad, the presentation is absolutely beautiful. I was drawn in by the picture of the obviously downtrodden man washed with a sea of blue. Your posts are always so complete.
There's no reason for homelessness in our country, yet here we are. I'll not share my political views on the subject.
Thank you for sharing another thoughtful post.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
The homeless man is way too fragile looking. Probably needs some food or nourishment so he can get stronger. It is sad to see the homeless sit and wait for someone to help him. They usually dig in the garbage. Your words are so true.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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The homeless man is way too fragile looking. Probably needs some food or nourishment so he can get stronger. It is sad to see the homeless sit and wait for someone to help him. They usually dig in the garbage. Your words are so true.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Rosemary.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You make a very valuable statement with is presentation. Although I did wonder why this man didn't go inside to be kept warm. Most laundromats are open 24/7. I enjoyed reading and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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You make a very valuable statement with is presentation. Although I did wonder why this man didn't go inside to be kept warm. Most laundromats are open 24/7. I enjoyed reading and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Haiku is about creating a picture with words. The homeless man didn't want to be around people and laundromat owners don't want them hanging around if they are not using the machines. I was a social worker helping homeless people for three years. We had a shelter but many didn't want to use it because they can be assaulted by other h.p. and rob them. Another reason is mental illness or drug use. Good question, I will explain it in my author notes.
Thank you, Barbara.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from shelley kaye
i can totally see this too!
nice comparison between laundromat and dirty clothes...
a great senryu that many should read... and help.
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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i can totally see this too!
nice comparison between laundromat and dirty clothes...
a great senryu that many should read... and help.
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Shelley 🙂
Gypsy hugs
Comment from royowen
I think most of us may have to face the streets before or even we may already have done, I slept in my car for about three days before I found a place for my self, it wasn't pleasant, well done gypsy, great post, blessings royn
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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I think most of us may have to face the streets before or even we may already have done, I slept in my car for about three days before I found a place for my self, it wasn't pleasant, well done gypsy, great post, blessings royn
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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I was in a situation when I was between a hospital and my daughter's house, I was homeless for one day. I had to sleep and eat dinner at a church. I talked to other people there, some had been homeless for years. It was very sad.
Thank you, Roy.
Gypsy hugs
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I agree
Comment from teafor2
Gypsy: In these compressed syllables/words, without frills; no punctuation
no capitalization a clear, clean and pure moment in time has been captured...No wasted energy or spaces...Simplicity is what the originator(s)
(Japanese) of the form were seeking...In this sparsity of words you have
readily complied with requirement(s). teafor2
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Gypsy: In these compressed syllables/words, without frills; no punctuation
no capitalization a clear, clean and pure moment in time has been captured...No wasted energy or spaces...Simplicity is what the originator(s)
(Japanese) of the form were seeking...In this sparsity of words you have
readily complied with requirement(s). teafor2
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much, teafor2. I can see you know Japanese poetry. I love it. It's all I write along with free verse.
Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy
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My youngest girl taught in Japan for for one year...Sent a book of Japanese poetry, which is/was haiku & senryu. The rest is history: I am addicted or was, not so much anymore, but I still love it:) teafor2