2024 Gypsy's Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "Empty Gin Bottles"x
8 total reviews
Comment from Mark Schardine
This poem presents a very ominous scene. We can imagine a drunken person refusing to cooperate in any way, and the other cannot end a terrible relationship.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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This poem presents a very ominous scene. We can imagine a drunken person refusing to cooperate in any way, and the other cannot end a terrible relationship.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Thank you 😊
gypsy
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is great and I see you have the bottles lying in the grass also. But to have the divorce papers inside. Scenarios in the two different settings is really a great contrast. So great a juxtaposition too.
thank you for pointing this out to me.I really appreciate it
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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This is great and I see you have the bottles lying in the grass also. But to have the divorce papers inside. Scenarios in the two different settings is really a great contrast. So great a juxtaposition too.
thank you for pointing this out to me.I really appreciate it
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much, Liz, I appreciate your positive review,
Gypsy hugs
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It was great It was intricate but powerful
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Sound like an unwanted divorce. It makes me wonder why one person wanted one and the other didn't. Unless the drinking caused the divorce. That could be the reason too. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Sound like an unwanted divorce. It makes me wonder why one person wanted one and the other didn't. Unless the drinking caused the divorce. That could be the reason too. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you very, Barbara.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from shelley kaye
not sure about the "ON overgrown grass backyard"
on overgrown grass, yes...
IN backyard reads better
maybe in overgrown grassy backyard?
that line just kinda tripped for me
or it could be just me lol
other than that a great 15 word poem!
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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not sure about the "ON overgrown grass backyard"
on overgrown grass, yes...
IN backyard reads better
maybe in overgrown grassy backyard?
that line just kinda tripped for me
or it could be just me lol
other than that a great 15 word poem!
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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thank you, Shelley, i fixed that, i have a hard time with the IN and ON. English is my second language and even though I have been in California for a long time, there are a few words that confuse me. Thank you very much for the positive review and feedback.
Gypsy
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totally get that! 😊✌️
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi MariVal,
had my own divorce involved in picking up empty bottles of alcohol, but not from a marriage, from a family relationship... and this image would have been a little corner of the whole large area of scattered empty bottles.
You really gave thought to the apathy caused by addition and the tether that had been stretched to its breaking strain. Hmmm, wonder if the divorce papers will make it through, or lost forever...or end up a message in a bottle?
Rather hard-hitting, straight to the point type of 15 word poem... and I must say... I was not expecting that!
But in saying that, you always paint the perfect picture... this one is most likely your Pollock period:))
With our thoughts we create...
crystal through the haze.
Warmest regards,
James.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Hi MariVal,
had my own divorce involved in picking up empty bottles of alcohol, but not from a marriage, from a family relationship... and this image would have been a little corner of the whole large area of scattered empty bottles.
You really gave thought to the apathy caused by addition and the tether that had been stretched to its breaking strain. Hmmm, wonder if the divorce papers will make it through, or lost forever...or end up a message in a bottle?
Rather hard-hitting, straight to the point type of 15 word poem... and I must say... I was not expecting that!
But in saying that, you always paint the perfect picture... this one is most likely your Pollock period:))
With our thoughts we create...
crystal through the haze.
Warmest regards,
James.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Dear, James,
I am an addict, even though I haven't used any drugs since 1995. I attended NA and AA meetings for a few years and I still remember some of the slogans. One was a great metaphor of a tiger, "drug addiction is a tiger that even when you stop using, it still sleeps within.
Alcohol was not my drug of choice but I do drink an occasional glass of wine or beer. I
As you know, drugs and alcohol numb the pain for a while but nothing changes.
I never know where my haiku comes from until I sit down to write it.
Sometimes I need a few extra syllables and with modern haiku the syllable count is not as strict but fanstorians are not ready for that, even when I add source links, it's easier to go with a word count.
Thank you, my friend, I always appreciate your exceptional intuitive reviews.
Amigos para siempre,
MariVal
"one day at the time"
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with good imagery and sensory appeal. When divorce happens, a lot of things fall apart and behind--not just
the heart. Well done. Xo. M
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with good imagery and sensory appeal. When divorce happens, a lot of things fall apart and behind--not just
the heart. Well done. Xo. M
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much, M.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is a sad story. Alcohol is very dangerous and it can destroy people and break families. I have heard many stories about it. I can write one, too. I don't like to write sad stories anymore. I used to. My dad was alcoholic.
Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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This is a sad story. Alcohol is very dangerous and it can destroy people and break families. I have heard many stories about it. I can write one, too. I don't like to write sad stories anymore. I used to. My dad was alcoholic.
Well done.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much, Lisa. I try to write a verity of types.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
You choose all the details that bring us to the reason for the disarray and the need for dissipation - the divorce papers. Great job in telling this story by giving us just the bare bones in a poem!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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You choose all the details that bring us to the reason for the disarray and the need for dissipation - the divorce papers. Great job in telling this story by giving us just the bare bones in a poem!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much, big sister.
Love
Marival