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Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Hermes' Missive"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
20 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
It sound like the feat he must do in order to become a God is something really difficult. You have taken on quite a challenget to to write stories about a war of ghe gods. I guess Ecfho is going to help come up with ways to defeat the Gods. I look foreward to more.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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It sound like the feat he must do in order to become a God is something really difficult. You have taken on quite a challenget to to write stories about a war of ghe gods. I guess Ecfho is going to help come up with ways to defeat the Gods. I look foreward to more.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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Hi Beth, thank you for reading the chapter and speculating on where it's going. Echo will, actually, have a challenge of her own pretty quickly.
As always, I look forward to your reviews.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda-----I want to see what Theo's plan is...will it work? And Theo has a sense of humor that Leslie Nielsen would be proud of, "it's all Greek to me, indeed!
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda-----I want to see what Theo's plan is...will it work? And Theo has a sense of humor that Leslie Nielsen would be proud of, "it's all Greek to me, indeed!
Comment Written 29-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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Lol, thank you Mike for the review. Theo will definitely have a plan and help to carry it out (or try to).
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Faith Williams
I chuckled at your description of Hermes and outright laughed at Echo's reaction. It seems gods have that effect on people. I really enjoyed the humor in this chapter.
Suggestions to consider:
croquette games--I think you mean 'croquet.'
It ended with Georgio(s) in the lead... Just forgot the 's'
'Echo felt this greeting was as often repeated as the race.' This sentence sounds a bit awkward to me. Maybe, 'Echo felt this greeting was repeated as often as the race.'
"Hey, brother. Do you have anything inside to eat, I'm famished?" I think the question mark might be better placed after 'eat' and then just make "I'm famished" into another sentence.
'He was tall, well over six and a half feet, with broad shoulders and well toned muscles that bulged from beneath a leather vest.' I think well-toned muscles should be hyphenated though I suggest switching it out for something stronger, maybe chiseled?
'non angelic glint' I think non-angelic should be hyphenated.
General suggestions:
There are several 'looks' in this chapter. It's one of those words which could be swapped out for stronger verbs. For example:
'Theo and Georgios looked at each other doubtfully... ' Maybe this one could be, 'Theo and Georgios exchanged doubtful expressions/glances...
I know I haven't caught up on all the chapters I missed, so maybe my question has already been answered. Why does Theo leave Echo's belongings in Rebecca's safekeeping?
I am intrigued by the idea of the war ahead is to be fought by unusual means and wondering where it could lead. Also interested to know where Apollo is holed up and why he has resigned. So many questions...
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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I chuckled at your description of Hermes and outright laughed at Echo's reaction. It seems gods have that effect on people. I really enjoyed the humor in this chapter.
Suggestions to consider:
croquette games--I think you mean 'croquet.'
It ended with Georgio(s) in the lead... Just forgot the 's'
'Echo felt this greeting was as often repeated as the race.' This sentence sounds a bit awkward to me. Maybe, 'Echo felt this greeting was repeated as often as the race.'
"Hey, brother. Do you have anything inside to eat, I'm famished?" I think the question mark might be better placed after 'eat' and then just make "I'm famished" into another sentence.
'He was tall, well over six and a half feet, with broad shoulders and well toned muscles that bulged from beneath a leather vest.' I think well-toned muscles should be hyphenated though I suggest switching it out for something stronger, maybe chiseled?
'non angelic glint' I think non-angelic should be hyphenated.
General suggestions:
There are several 'looks' in this chapter. It's one of those words which could be swapped out for stronger verbs. For example:
'Theo and Georgios looked at each other doubtfully... ' Maybe this one could be, 'Theo and Georgios exchanged doubtful expressions/glances...
I know I haven't caught up on all the chapters I missed, so maybe my question has already been answered. Why does Theo leave Echo's belongings in Rebecca's safekeeping?
I am intrigued by the idea of the war ahead is to be fought by unusual means and wondering where it could lead. Also interested to know where Apollo is holed up and why he has resigned. So many questions...
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much for the six stars and for the extremely helpful review. I've made the changes. It sounds much better now.
On the last thing you mentioned, I initially wrote a part about Rebecca and Echo meeting and talking about the necklace and bear. They talked about other things as well, but it seemed a bit slow, so I dropped it out. I guess I forgot to explain why she had the items. I'll go back and fix it.
Thank you for the comment at the first as well. I had to make Echo seem real, lol.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
I think the Roman a Greek gods were recognisable by their lack on morale fibre, they were a human creation, because the acted without accountability, so they had to be a human invention, but who invented them? Whereas in Christendom the highest morale order is the Godhead, something Hermes said to Theo, beautifully written, Rhonda, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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I think the Roman a Greek gods were recognisable by their lack on morale fibre, they were a human creation, because the acted without accountability, so they had to be a human invention, but who invented them? Whereas in Christendom the highest morale order is the Godhead, something Hermes said to Theo, beautifully written, Rhonda, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the six stars, my friend. They are hard to come by and quick to leave the quiver. I appreciate it as well as your insights into a tough subject.
I completely agree with your assessment, and that's why I have the gods talk about the fact they aren't really gods, and have them pray and wish God's blessings on people. It's a bit of a sticky subject when you write fantasy, to infuse your own Christian beliefs. Tolkien did it and CS Lewis. I have to look to their example, though I'll never reach their heights.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Yes, they both walked that path, they thought it out well, struck the balance well, they were friends, both attended Cambridge together.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
That was quite a chapter. A battle among the gods, or at least several of the gods. So, how does one defeat Hades? Not by force, I would imagine. Perhaps this is all a set up to test Anthos.
Leave it to a smart woman to point the way. The pen is mightier than the sword, the mind is greater than brawn, and heart is stronger than hatred.
Echo might lead the way and the answer may rest with Persephone.
We'll see.
Best wishes.
Robert
It had been days since the royal couple left for Mount Olympus. During this uncertain time, she [had still gotten to know] Theo's siblings and extended family members. Since the kids were on [Christmas] Vacation, there were many fun activities, like swim parties, croquette games, wrestling matches and lots
perhaps [she continued to learn about]
[Christmas] struck me as inconsistent with the theme of all the Greek gods.
You might consider just using 'vacation" just a thought
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Hello Rhonda,
That was quite a chapter. A battle among the gods, or at least several of the gods. So, how does one defeat Hades? Not by force, I would imagine. Perhaps this is all a set up to test Anthos.
Leave it to a smart woman to point the way. The pen is mightier than the sword, the mind is greater than brawn, and heart is stronger than hatred.
Echo might lead the way and the answer may rest with Persephone.
We'll see.
Best wishes.
Robert
It had been days since the royal couple left for Mount Olympus. During this uncertain time, she [had still gotten to know] Theo's siblings and extended family members. Since the kids were on [Christmas] Vacation, there were many fun activities, like swim parties, croquette games, wrestling matches and lots
perhaps [she continued to learn about]
[Christmas] struck me as inconsistent with the theme of all the Greek gods.
You might consider just using 'vacation" just a thought
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Hi Robert,
I know you are a very intuitive reviewer, but you just sent chills down my spine. You are spot on about Persephone, and I would just ignore it so you can be surprised later. You're good!!
Yeah, I started to do that with the Christmas vacation, but I had pointed out before the Christian connection, and that she had been at a Christmas party at her work before all this broke loose. I'll probably change it!!
I liked the other suggestion as well, and I'll smooth that one out as well.
Take care, and thank you so much for the 6 stars and the never-ending support!!
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
Good artwork and story to go with it, Rhonda. You did a great job with it. Life with Theo and his family and the gods is not an easy one with so much for Echo to learn, and now Theo will be dealing with his test to see if he succeeds.
I like the camaraderie among everyone that stopped by to talk to Theo. They also took time to talk to Echo and offer any assistance if she needed it. You have created a good family atmosphere, as well as bonds of friendship. People willing to help other people. We could use some of that in our world.
I also like how Sunny reacts to various people showing her pleasure or displeasure, as the case may be. You did a great job with all of the descriptive detail, and the story flowed well. I enjoyed reading it. Very well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Good artwork and story to go with it, Rhonda. You did a great job with it. Life with Theo and his family and the gods is not an easy one with so much for Echo to learn, and now Theo will be dealing with his test to see if he succeeds.
I like the camaraderie among everyone that stopped by to talk to Theo. They also took time to talk to Echo and offer any assistance if she needed it. You have created a good family atmosphere, as well as bonds of friendship. People willing to help other people. We could use some of that in our world.
I also like how Sunny reacts to various people showing her pleasure or displeasure, as the case may be. You did a great job with all of the descriptive detail, and the story flowed well. I enjoyed reading it. Very well done, my friend.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Pam, thank you so much for the six stars, and for the commentary. They are both appreciated.
I agree on people needing the help people, and for comradery to rule the day. It will be an ongoing theme.
I try to work Sunny in. He will have a greater part later, but I try not to forget him as I work in the larger picture details.
Thanks again, my friend,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. I appreciate your reply.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Sorry it took me so long to review this chapter. I have been under the weather since last Thursday. I'm gaining, but still don't feel to hot. I look forward to the next addition to your story.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Sorry it took me so long to review this chapter. I have been under the weather since last Thursday. I'm gaining, but still don't feel to hot. I look forward to the next addition to your story.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Hi,
I'm sorry you've been ill, but am glad you're on the mend. Sometimes this site is good for what ails you, sort of like an apple aday! Unfortunately, though, sometimes it's hard to put two words together and make sense when you've got something that's pulling you down.
Take care and thank you,
Rhonda
Comment from Daylily
This is another very well-written chapter. That artwork is really gorgeous and measures up perfectly to the other wonderful pictures used for your postings. I am enjoying the story as it moves along and I an always looking forward to reading more. Smiles, Lily
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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This is another very well-written chapter. That artwork is really gorgeous and measures up perfectly to the other wonderful pictures used for your postings. I am enjoying the story as it moves along and I an always looking forward to reading more. Smiles, Lily
Comment Written 27-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Hi Lily,
Thank you for stopping by. I always look forward to your reviews. You're lighthearted and informative. I'm glad you like the pictures. I have several friends who send them to me as they come across ones that would reflect my characters. It's a fun way to share the journey.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Wow this is going to be a great battle and undertaking for Theo. But I'm sure Echo with her earthly background will be of great help.
This story is absolutely captivating, Rhonda. A big hug, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Wow this is going to be a great battle and undertaking for Theo. But I'm sure Echo with her earthly background will be of great help.
This story is absolutely captivating, Rhonda. A big hug, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 27-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Hi Ulla,
Thank you for the six stars, my friend!! It will be a great undertaking, for sure. Echo will help, but it will be a personal battle for her as well.
Big hug back,
Rhonda
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well, well, well. A battle brews.
"Are you kidding, I helped write it? - the way it's written, this is not a question. If you want it to be a question, you need to break it after 'kidding'.
Good plot movement.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Well, well, well. A battle brews.
"Are you kidding, I helped write it? - the way it's written, this is not a question. If you want it to be a question, you need to break it after 'kidding'.
Good plot movement.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much, Wayne, for you comments and suggestions. You know, I didn't think it looked right, either. Thanks for helping me figure out how to fix it!!