Shooting Stars
Twelfth song for FAWM2 total reviews
Comment from bob cullen
May I first say how much I enjoyed the rhyme and flow of this poem. It's lyrics flowed quite beautifully. But if I'm allowed, I'd like to offer three minor suggestions.
First; First line verse four. Does 'Burning SO bright' provide better rhythm?
Second; In the second last verse I think 'phase' sits more comfortably than 'maze.'
And thirdly; In verse seven, I'd consider reversing the second phrases in lines one and two. Making the first line read,
Learn from each fall, find your place
And second line;
In the cosmic dance rise with grace
I hope these suggestions don't come across as 'nit-picking.'
Again, a great write
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May I first say how much I enjoyed the rhyme and flow of this poem. It's lyrics flowed quite beautifully. But if I'm allowed, I'd like to offer three minor suggestions.
First; First line verse four. Does 'Burning SO bright' provide better rhythm?
Second; In the second last verse I think 'phase' sits more comfortably than 'maze.'
And thirdly; In verse seven, I'd consider reversing the second phrases in lines one and two. Making the first line read,
Learn from each fall, find your place
And second line;
In the cosmic dance rise with grace
I hope these suggestions don't come across as 'nit-picking.'
Again, a great write
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This was a beautiful poem. I love the how you took shooting stars which are beautiful and took it to another level. Wonderful word choices and an enjoyable read.
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This was a beautiful poem. I love the how you took shooting stars which are beautiful and took it to another level. Wonderful word choices and an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
