Everything Changes Time
time changes everything and...19 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
This is a quite interesting foray into the fantasy that could also be very real world. It has much to promote its acceptance and propagation. I do not think I would be a good candidate for this group, as I tend to over share.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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This is a quite interesting foray into the fantasy that could also be very real world. It has much to promote its acceptance and propagation. I do not think I would be a good candidate for this group, as I tend to over share.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. i would've walked out and been killed.
Comment from lancellot
My dream {now} included travelling with her, hand in hand
-My dream then included travelling with her, hand in hand
Hmm, this is an interesting concept and fantasy. I really like the different POV of things. It is well written, but I would work on the introduction or the beginning of the journey.
notes:
"Now follow me," he said, "And I'll tell you who you really are!"
-Okay why would anyone simply follow such a stranger?
When I awoke, I found myself in a small sealed, concrete chamber with ten other classmen.
_Why would a young man let this happen? Why wouldn't he fight?
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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My dream {now} included travelling with her, hand in hand
-My dream then included travelling with her, hand in hand
Hmm, this is an interesting concept and fantasy. I really like the different POV of things. It is well written, but I would work on the introduction or the beginning of the journey.
notes:
"Now follow me," he said, "And I'll tell you who you really are!"
-Okay why would anyone simply follow such a stranger?
When I awoke, I found myself in a small sealed, concrete chamber with ten other classmen.
_Why would a young man let this happen? Why wouldn't he fight?
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate all your fine suggestions. Thanks so much for reviewing!
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate all your fine suggestions. Thanks so much for reviewing!
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate all your fine suggestions. Thanks so much for reviewing!
Comment from QC Poet
This was a very interesting and entertaining story and I did notice two misspelled words such as-instead of a "G", it had s "P".
and there is one other I'm aware of. This is a Great read and I wish you Good Luck on your book
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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This was a very interesting and entertaining story and I did notice two misspelled words such as-instead of a "G", it had s "P".
and there is one other I'm aware of. This is a Great read and I wish you Good Luck on your book
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate all your fine suggestions. Thanks so much for reviewing!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Instead of a "G", it had s "P". Do you want a?
And now, your first lesson now begins!". Drop a now.
long time to work on these things - time
So, everything we've come to know and believe in is manufactured, including God? I kinda wish the new number 30 had remained ignorant and spent his life with ol' what's her name:-)
An interesting idea for this contest - I wish you luck.
Pam
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Instead of a "G", it had s "P". Do you want a?
And now, your first lesson now begins!". Drop a now.
long time to work on these things - time
So, everything we've come to know and believe in is manufactured, including God? I kinda wish the new number 30 had remained ignorant and spent his life with ol' what's her name:-)
An interesting idea for this contest - I wish you luck.
Pam
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate your fine suggestion. Thanks so much for reviewing!
Comment from tfawcus
In these days of fake news, your story is particularly relevant. We are inclined to believe what we hear and read without checking the facts. An enjoyable read with a satirical slant that gives it depth.
One fix recommended before the contest closes:
We've had a long tome (time) to work on these things.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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In these days of fake news, your story is particularly relevant. We are inclined to believe what we hear and read without checking the facts. An enjoyable read with a satirical slant that gives it depth.
One fix recommended before the contest closes:
We've had a long tome (time) to work on these things.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate all fine suggestion. Thanks so much for reviewing!
Comment from John Ciarmello
Jim, this story teeters on the edge of brilliance. The notion that all artifacts are fabricated and placed worldwide by chosen men and women is an incredible dive into your and our imaginations.
It started a bit wonky until the wow factor kicked in, along with its unmistakable originality.
Sensational work here, my friend. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Jim, this story teeters on the edge of brilliance. The notion that all artifacts are fabricated and placed worldwide by chosen men and women is an incredible dive into your and our imaginations.
It started a bit wonky until the wow factor kicked in, along with its unmistakable originality.
Sensational work here, my friend. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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The very best to you
Comment from SimianSavant
An entertaining tongue-in-check piece attacking fossil records. The large font made this more digestible to scroll.
I think this functions in its current form. If you are open to some suggestions on keeping the reader more on the edge of the seat, perhaps consider punctuating the dialogue with more action and detail of what is going on during the monologues, which can get a little long. Then you'll be able to get away with fewer exclamation points to convey the charismaticism of the overlords. You have some good stuff here already. Maybe get rid of one additional candidate who says or does something edgy. Maybe add some more sensory detail to the scene. More detail on the concrete chamber, what folks are wearing, eating, anything to bring out more of the subculture.
Thanks for a neat read,
Harambe (for President)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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An entertaining tongue-in-check piece attacking fossil records. The large font made this more digestible to scroll.
I think this functions in its current form. If you are open to some suggestions on keeping the reader more on the edge of the seat, perhaps consider punctuating the dialogue with more action and detail of what is going on during the monologues, which can get a little long. Then you'll be able to get away with fewer exclamation points to convey the charismaticism of the overlords. You have some good stuff here already. Maybe get rid of one additional candidate who says or does something edgy. Maybe add some more sensory detail to the scene. More detail on the concrete chamber, what folks are wearing, eating, anything to bring out more of the subculture.
Thanks for a neat read,
Harambe (for President)
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Those are all excellent suggestions. The contest is still in the future, so I might go back and implement them!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is such an imaginative piece of fantasy here with archaeology as your theme with man's intervention altering our knowledge throughout the passage of time. I wondered if you meant "I held my (peace)/ An excellent, well structured and beautifully expressed entry for this contest. Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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This is such an imaginative piece of fantasy here with archaeology as your theme with man's intervention altering our knowledge throughout the passage of time. I wondered if you meant "I held my (peace)/ An excellent, well structured and beautifully expressed entry for this contest. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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That's what I meant! Thanks! I'll re-edit!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This fantasy almost sci-fi entry was fun to read. You did a good job bringing up a dinosaur species that sounded real. Good luck in the fantasy writing contest. The ending was great.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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This fantasy almost sci-fi entry was fun to read. You did a good job bringing up a dinosaur species that sounded real. Good luck in the fantasy writing contest. The ending was great.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. Thanks so much for reviewing!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Hi Jim! Thia is such a good fantasy story for the challenge! Your full descriptions and authentic dialogues make this good to read. I also went through a phase of wanting to be an archeologist. I love to watch those kinds of shows on tv now. Well done!
Your friend.
Alexan :)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Hi Jim! Thia is such a good fantasy story for the challenge! Your full descriptions and authentic dialogues make this good to read. I also went through a phase of wanting to be an archeologist. I love to watch those kinds of shows on tv now. Well done!
Your friend.
Alexan :)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Sorry for the delay in replying. I appreciate all your fine words. Thanks so much for reviewing!
