Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Hard Decisions"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
22 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
You build the tension well, telling us just enough to keep us hooked but not revealing what is going on. A war between the gods? Hades has been known to be rebellious in the ancient myths so he is the perfect choice to be rebellious now. This has too many possibilities. I look forward to your creative revelations.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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You build the tension well, telling us just enough to keep us hooked but not revealing what is going on. A war between the gods? Hades has been known to be rebellious in the ancient myths so he is the perfect choice to be rebellious now. This has too many possibilities. I look forward to your creative revelations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much for the six stars, my friend!! He is definitely rebellious, and definitely up to know good. He also knows how to use distraction to his benefit.
Thanks again
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
I just started reviewing today and happily found your chapter, and what a chapter it is. Change is about to happen. It is clear in the words of Phoebus
that danger is growing and I doubt Hades is a god one wants to challenge.
After all, who wants to be god of the dead. I'm sure of the power structure of the old gods, but your last line are a bit forbidding. At least you didn't say
Theo thought he'd never see them again.
Perhaps Echo will soon learn of her true nature and possible power of her own.
Well done.
Best wishes, my friend.
Robert.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Hello Rhonda,
I just started reviewing today and happily found your chapter, and what a chapter it is. Change is about to happen. It is clear in the words of Phoebus
that danger is growing and I doubt Hades is a god one wants to challenge.
After all, who wants to be god of the dead. I'm sure of the power structure of the old gods, but your last line are a bit forbidding. At least you didn't say
Theo thought he'd never see them again.
Perhaps Echo will soon learn of her true nature and possible power of her own.
Well done.
Best wishes, my friend.
Robert.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Hi Robert, thank you so much for the golden sixes. They are much appreciated, as are your thoughtful words.
Hades is still god of the dead, and he is still one to be reconned with. Echo does have some revelations left to go...
Again, thank you so very much,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
How did I miss this, Rhonda? It was because you read my Flossie poem that I thought I hadn't seen your name in my messages, so came to your profile page and found this one. I owe you a six. This was a fabulous chapter. Now things aren't looking too good, are they? What will happen now that Phoebus and Diantha has left? Can Theo manage if trouble comes knocking at their door? I will keep a watch out for your next chapter. This was great. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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How did I miss this, Rhonda? It was because you read my Flossie poem that I thought I hadn't seen your name in my messages, so came to your profile page and found this one. I owe you a six. This was a fabulous chapter. Now things aren't looking too good, are they? What will happen now that Phoebus and Diantha has left? Can Theo manage if trouble comes knocking at their door? I will keep a watch out for your next chapter. This was great. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Awww, thank you Sandra!! I'm like you, I get messages buried beneath the stacks of them. I'm pretty sure I've missed one or two of yours before. I'm always horrified when I do, lol, but you've good. I'm just glad you came across it.
With the parents gone, all of the kids are about to grow up fast, as you can well guess.
Thanks again,
Warm hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I'm so sorry for the delay here and I'm still not sure how I missed your post until today. Your lovely story is really scaling up to another level now with this decision by Phoebus to visit his father, Zeus, in an attempt to resolve this rebellion, apparently instigated by Hades. I wondered when we might hear more about the spectres and their unexplained aggression earlier in the book. A lot of responsibility has now been put on Theo in his parents' absence. And this will also impact on Echo. After the peaceful interlude, there is the suggestion that more contrasting action will now follow in this excellent fantasy. Small edit: speech para starting "More or less.." Z(eu)s. Thanks for sharing, Rhonda. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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I'm so sorry for the delay here and I'm still not sure how I missed your post until today. Your lovely story is really scaling up to another level now with this decision by Phoebus to visit his father, Zeus, in an attempt to resolve this rebellion, apparently instigated by Hades. I wondered when we might hear more about the spectres and their unexplained aggression earlier in the book. A lot of responsibility has now been put on Theo in his parents' absence. And this will also impact on Echo. After the peaceful interlude, there is the suggestion that more contrasting action will now follow in this excellent fantasy. Small edit: speech para starting "More or less.." Z(eu)s. Thanks for sharing, Rhonda. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Hi Debbie, thank you so much for reviewing! I'm always behind on reviewing and often people's work gets buried in my messages. I'm just glad you found me!
I'm always misspelling Zeus, lol. It just sounds different than it's spelled, which is pretty much most things with me, lol.
Yes, more action, replete with Specters, is on its way. Thanks again,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Faith Williams
An excellent chapter, Rhonda. I like the layers of conflict you've got going on here: the gods dealing with a delinquent member, Theo and Phoebus, Diantha and Phoebus. Not to mention the prophecies. You keep the reader asking questions.
Suggestions to consider:
"That's not what I mean," she said. She narrowed her eyes at her mate.
I think here you could delete the dialogue tag as the surrounding narration lets the reader know who is speaking.
"Heracles, which is what we call him, got in trouble with (Zues) and had to do extra tasks," Just a typo.
Diantha cleared her throat (to get attention). "Take me," (she said). "I've been by your side through danger before." I think you could delete the parts in parentheses as they are both implied by the surrounding narration. If you want a pause where 'she said' is, maybe you could have Diantha perform another action in place of the dialogue tag.
"I'm not just your wife, (Phobus) Just a typo.
'Diantha folded her arms across her chest.' You repeated this action within a short time frame. Maybe switch one of them to a different action, straightening her shoulders?
Theo's sense of foreboding keeps the reader wanting more as well. I really enjoyed this chapter and eagerly anticipate what's next.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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An excellent chapter, Rhonda. I like the layers of conflict you've got going on here: the gods dealing with a delinquent member, Theo and Phoebus, Diantha and Phoebus. Not to mention the prophecies. You keep the reader asking questions.
Suggestions to consider:
"That's not what I mean," she said. She narrowed her eyes at her mate.
I think here you could delete the dialogue tag as the surrounding narration lets the reader know who is speaking.
"Heracles, which is what we call him, got in trouble with (Zues) and had to do extra tasks," Just a typo.
Diantha cleared her throat (to get attention). "Take me," (she said). "I've been by your side through danger before." I think you could delete the parts in parentheses as they are both implied by the surrounding narration. If you want a pause where 'she said' is, maybe you could have Diantha perform another action in place of the dialogue tag.
"I'm not just your wife, (Phobus) Just a typo.
'Diantha folded her arms across her chest.' You repeated this action within a short time frame. Maybe switch one of them to a different action, straightening her shoulders?
Theo's sense of foreboding keeps the reader wanting more as well. I really enjoyed this chapter and eagerly anticipate what's next.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Faith, as always, you show up to give an enlightened review and assessment. Thank you for your time, energy and 6 stars. All are deeply appreciated.
I made the changes you recommended and a few others along the same vein. The narrative sounds a lot better with them.
I appreciate your comment at the end as well. It's about to take a more serious turn as you noticed.
Take care, and thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
I enjoy reading your story and reviewing it. Your interesting and authentic sounding dialogues support your plot well, as does your use or color descriptions and imagery. Your Author Note is full and clear and helpful to a reader. Well done!
Best wishes,
Alex
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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I enjoy reading your story and reviewing it. Your interesting and authentic sounding dialogues support your plot well, as does your use or color descriptions and imagery. Your Author Note is full and clear and helpful to a reader. Well done!
Best wishes,
Alex
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much, Alexandra. You have encouraged and supported me.
Comment from Pam (respa)
You wrote a good chapter about this meeting that Phoebus had scheduled. It is a good contrast to the carefree nature of things that preceded this chapter. Now Phoebus had to discuss the serious side of their lives involving those on the Mountain of the Gods, and apparently Hades is the problem.
There are many aspects to this situation, and they are sorted out in this discussion. Each one present listened attentively, but also had questions and wanted to help. Phoebus acknowledged each one, but Diantha and Theo wanted to do their part. It was hard for Phoebus because he didn't want harm to come to anyone, but he listened, and finally agreed that Diantha would go with him and Theo would be in charge of the valley. Echo was willing to do what she could, as well. It will be interesting to see what develops.
One small thing: Diantha continued standing with her arms folded.
[I went over the story and there wasn't a spot where she had been standing]
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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You wrote a good chapter about this meeting that Phoebus had scheduled. It is a good contrast to the carefree nature of things that preceded this chapter. Now Phoebus had to discuss the serious side of their lives involving those on the Mountain of the Gods, and apparently Hades is the problem.
There are many aspects to this situation, and they are sorted out in this discussion. Each one present listened attentively, but also had questions and wanted to help. Phoebus acknowledged each one, but Diantha and Theo wanted to do their part. It was hard for Phoebus because he didn't want harm to come to anyone, but he listened, and finally agreed that Diantha would go with him and Theo would be in charge of the valley. Echo was willing to do what she could, as well. It will be interesting to see what develops.
One small thing: Diantha continued standing with her arms folded.
[I went over the story and there wasn't a spot where she had been standing]
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Pam, thank you so very much for the six stars and for the scene specific review. You hit the heart of it all, thank you for that.
I must have edited the part out where I had Diantha stand. I'll go back and look. I'm glad you picked up on it.
Much thanks,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. I appreciate your reply.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Echo has learned a lot about Concorde Valley since her arrival, but this is well beyond what she can understand. It sounds very dangerous for Phoebus and Diantha.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Echo has learned a lot about Concorde Valley since her arrival, but this is well beyond what she can understand. It sounds very dangerous for Phoebus and Diantha.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the review, Carol. Yes, it will be dangerous for them, but the home front will be pretty perilous as well.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is an excellent description along with some of your bodily descriptive reactions. We know alot about the characters because you zoom in on their physical descriptions.: "Looking at the others, he took in a deep, ragged breath. As he let it out, he met each set of eyes with directness, and each person sat up straighter in response." The plot is thickening. This will keep your readers with you through to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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This is an excellent description along with some of your bodily descriptive reactions. We know alot about the characters because you zoom in on their physical descriptions.: "Looking at the others, he took in a deep, ragged breath. As he let it out, he met each set of eyes with directness, and each person sat up straighter in response." The plot is thickening. This will keep your readers with you through to the next chapter.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Hi Liz, thank you so much for the lovely review. I?m glad you liked that line and that it works in the story.
Take care,
Rhonda
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***Smile***
That line shows forethought & skill.
Comment from forestport12
A royal family that has food fights. Certainly not your everyday fantasy fiction. Interesting world you built. You keep a strong list of characters and use dialogue well here. Again, I sound like a broken record. I really like your writing style. I have a hard time getting emotionally invested in the characters that work for a young audience. I notice too how you make the list of nominated chapters every month, which is no small feat. Keep going and don't feel hurt, if I haven't always followed. You are gifted and worthy as one of the top authors on site.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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A royal family that has food fights. Certainly not your everyday fantasy fiction. Interesting world you built. You keep a strong list of characters and use dialogue well here. Again, I sound like a broken record. I really like your writing style. I have a hard time getting emotionally invested in the characters that work for a young audience. I notice too how you make the list of nominated chapters every month, which is no small feat. Keep going and don't feel hurt, if I haven't always followed. You are gifted and worthy as one of the top authors on site.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Hi Stan, you are one of my favorite authors on this site, and I value your opinion. You're right that my genre is young adult fantasy, and that my characters are meant to appeal to that age group. Thank you for being honest.
All my best,
Rhonda