Sandra's Lover
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "The Librarian"A macabre crime thriller. Grotesque and detailed.
2 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Interesting chapter. It was entirely his perspective and went relatively easily. I'll have to read more.
notes:
Figures, what do you expect from Walmart? Not high quality.
- If this is his thoughts, it's best to distinguish it from the narrative.
The feeling of control, of absolute power is surging through him.
-The feeling of absolute power and control surges through him like a runaway river.
His brain in full and he is high from all the events of the evening.
- Look this line over.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
  |
Interesting chapter. It was entirely his perspective and went relatively easily. I'll have to read more.
notes:
Figures, what do you expect from Walmart? Not high quality.
- If this is his thoughts, it's best to distinguish it from the narrative.
The feeling of control, of absolute power is surging through him.
-The feeling of absolute power and control surges through him like a runaway river.
His brain in full and he is high from all the events of the evening.
- Look this line over.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for your input!
Comment from Julie Helms
I am just jumping into the middle of your story here for the first time. I have been fascinated for years by the differences in the brain or thought processes of serial killers. When you lay it out as you did, it is clear to see there would be no reasoning with this person that what they were doing is terrible. Sometimes it's not a persons act that is so horrifying, it is the thought process behind it. Clearly your killer here has no guilt or remorse. And that is scary. You certainly use good imagery to describe how he was perceiving the scene and how it made him feel.
One suggestion:
I would keep these two lines in the present tense as the rest of your story is:
It took some effort but eventually he was able to 'hide' it well. (Takes some effort/Is able)
He takes this time to think about what he had just accomplished. (Has just)
Very well executed (??) story! Julie
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
|
I am just jumping into the middle of your story here for the first time. I have been fascinated for years by the differences in the brain or thought processes of serial killers. When you lay it out as you did, it is clear to see there would be no reasoning with this person that what they were doing is terrible. Sometimes it's not a persons act that is so horrifying, it is the thought process behind it. Clearly your killer here has no guilt or remorse. And that is scary. You certainly use good imagery to describe how he was perceiving the scene and how it made him feel.
One suggestion:
I would keep these two lines in the present tense as the rest of your story is:
It took some effort but eventually he was able to 'hide' it well. (Takes some effort/Is able)
He takes this time to think about what he had just accomplished. (Has just)
Very well executed (??) story! Julie
Comment Written 10-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
-
Oh my! Thank you very much! I will correct that!