Life's Twisted Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Life's Twisted Road - Chap 10"Pages turn, stories change, bonds crumble
12 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
Well, you did it again and left me eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. This is a very well-executed and interesting story. I still have a couple of more chapters to read in my catch-up.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
  |
Well, you did it again and left me eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. This is a very well-executed and interesting story. I still have a couple of more chapters to read in my catch-up.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
-
THANK YOU....THANK YOU....THANK YOU. I could not have received a better gift than to have you continue to read and enjoy.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
I like the way you've used the weather as a sign of what's happening in the story. Good technique, but I can't remember what it's called. Good dialogue to move the story forward. I like the Irish brogue. Another good chapter. Carol
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2024
|
I like the way you've used the weather as a sign of what's happening in the story. Good technique, but I can't remember what it's called. Good dialogue to move the story forward. I like the Irish brogue. Another good chapter. Carol
Comment Written 08-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2024
-
Neither can I, but it's something I like to do. Appreciate all your thoughts on the chapter. I've eased up a little on the brogue because a few have mentioned it's difficult to follow. thanks again!
Smiles, Carol
-
A little bit of brogue is fun. It is a little easier now. It probably helps to read it aloud so readers get the sense of it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hmm, who paid for his bail? That was interesting. But I do hope Gabbie let's them know that going into the clinic had nothing to do with Dion, that he was only there to support her. I'll might find out in the next chapter. Loving this story, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2024
|
Hmm, who paid for his bail? That was interesting. But I do hope Gabbie let's them know that going into the clinic had nothing to do with Dion, that he was only there to support her. I'll might find out in the next chapter. Loving this story, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 08-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2024
-
A good question. What misguided person would throw good money after bad? Probably no one if they knew what the future held for Bobby. His bull dog attitude could only mean trouble.
Thanks for stopping by to read and review. Now I must get back to writing that next chapter....
Smiles, hugs and love, Carol
Comment from royowen
So Bobby is out on bail, I wonder if he'll do something stupid and try to harm someone, namely Dion, perhaps he'll be sorry if he does. It doesn't look good for Jackson with Bobby in the can, well done Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024
|
So Bobby is out on bail, I wonder if he'll do something stupid and try to harm someone, namely Dion, perhaps he'll be sorry if he does. It doesn't look good for Jackson with Bobby in the can, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024
-
Thanks for your review, Roy. Unfortunately, not everyone learns from their mistakes and Bobby is a prime example. He thinks he's King of the Hill and Dion is his prey. (Even though his sights are set on the wrong boy),
Hugs, Carol
Comment from karenina
While I appreciate the dimensionality of introducing the Irish couple with so much dialect this was a struggle for me to read without being distracted.
A lot in one chapter!
Wouldn't Gabby have inquired about Dion, after her father pummeled him?
As for Bobby. Who the heck would bail him out?
I found the transition to the church bells somewhat abrupt and out of the blue, to end this chapter.
I'm sure you will pull it all together...
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024
|
While I appreciate the dimensionality of introducing the Irish couple with so much dialect this was a struggle for me to read without being distracted.
A lot in one chapter!
Wouldn't Gabby have inquired about Dion, after her father pummeled him?
As for Bobby. Who the heck would bail him out?
I found the transition to the church bells somewhat abrupt and out of the blue, to end this chapter.
I'm sure you will pull it all together...
Karenina
Comment Written 07-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024
-
Caught! A great deduction Sherlock! LOL
I questioned the chapter too! But by accident, I hit end preview instead of edit. And it was posted. I couldn't get it back and it already had a review while I was trying to fix the ending. Panic mode....I left it.
As for the dialect, I guess it's been too long since I wrote the Frankie stories. His dialect seemed smoother or maybe I was better at it then. I should probably make it less of an accent and insert more English. It comes easy to me, but not so much for the readers. The ones that count!!!!
I thought ...and I'll have to check ... I mentioned that Gabby didn't go to Dion because she felt his family wouldn't want to see her there because of her father. But yes, I should insert an inquiry or a thought somewhere.
My slip-up botched this chapter, didn't it?
I'll need to go back and review/edit. Suppose that's why Chapter Eleven is still sitting at the first paragraph. Thanks for bringing your thoughts to my attention. The chapter didn't sit well with me either, but like I said.... I panicked. A dumb writer's mistake. Not fixing it immediately was a dumber one!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
-
Hey, I'm the QUEEN of dumb mistakes...your chapter was challenging, but yes--you have the luxury of going back and editing as you please now.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You did well with the Irish accent. I had to slow down and read each word. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
|
This is another excellent chapter. You did well with the Irish accent. I had to slow down and read each word. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
-
I worried about that because someone else mention it too. But I wanted to give another dimension to the characters. Thank you for reviewing.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Bobby has been freed on bail? Who by, especially if it hasn't been approved? He's too hot-headed and both Gabby and Dion are likely to be on the receiving end of much more. Was a bit surprised by Audrey - surely she knows her brother's personality, and also the Sheriff's personality sufficiently to know to listen to the full story .... Well written.
Wendy
I'll me fine (be)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
|
Bobby has been freed on bail? Who by, especially if it hasn't been approved? He's too hot-headed and both Gabby and Dion are likely to be on the receiving end of much more. Was a bit surprised by Audrey - surely she knows her brother's personality, and also the Sheriff's personality sufficiently to know to listen to the full story .... Well written.
Wendy
I'll me fine (be)
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
-
Maybe I should have written it a bit clearer. The fight was Saturday...on Monday, he was sober and bail for drunk and disorderly was automatically set. Dion didn't press any other charges. He probably should have.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Lots more people have their oars in this story now and the three girls are no longer on their own. I hope Dion wasn't seriously injured for doing a good deed. Gabby's father is a real loser. One thing that I have heard editors say over and over again at writing conferences is do not use dialect unless each word has nearly the same number of letters and starts and ends with the correct letters. Dialect tends to slow down reading or the reader just ignores it, or so the editors say.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
|
Lots more people have their oars in this story now and the three girls are no longer on their own. I hope Dion wasn't seriously injured for doing a good deed. Gabby's father is a real loser. One thing that I have heard editors say over and over again at writing conferences is do not use dialect unless each word has nearly the same number of letters and starts and ends with the correct letters. Dialect tends to slow down reading or the reader just ignores it, or so the editors say.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
-
Good morning, Carol. I sthink I see what your saying about the Irish dialect. I'd hope to add another layer to the characters. I hope it wasn't too distracting for you.
Hugs, CArol
Comment from lyenochka
Seems like the best thing would have been to keep Bobby in jail. Who would bail that guy out? Was it the nice Irish couple? It seems that Audrey is quite the enabler and not helping her addicted brother. Hope someone will put Bobby in rehab.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
|
Seems like the best thing would have been to keep Bobby in jail. Who would bail that guy out? Was it the nice Irish couple? It seems that Audrey is quite the enabler and not helping her addicted brother. Hope someone will put Bobby in rehab.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
-
Small town and they only had him for Drunk and disorderly. Too bad! Being the younger sister, Audrey has lived under Bobby's thumb for so long. She wants a better life, but struggles to get there. He's her only family....
Hugs, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
Bobby is out. We don't know who bailed him out, because Audrey didn't have money, but we know he's on his way to get Gabby and Dion. The road of this story just keeps twisting. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
|
Bobby is out. We don't know who bailed him out, because Audrey didn't have money, but we know he's on his way to get Gabby and Dion. The road of this story just keeps twisting. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
-
And many more twists to come...LOL
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am thrilled that you are enjoying this tangled story.
Hugs, Carol