Winter's Call
Another oldie I pulled out for this contest!3 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a very striking verse! The image is immediately chilly and atmospheric and this theme of darkness of the soul is picked up in the accompanying verse. I like the way you blend the harsher elements of winter with your own stage in life, the fading to grey, the light waning and then disappearing altogether bar the cracks. All very haunting and dream-like. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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This is a very striking verse! The image is immediately chilly and atmospheric and this theme of darkness of the soul is picked up in the accompanying verse. I like the way you blend the harsher elements of winter with your own stage in life, the fading to grey, the light waning and then disappearing altogether bar the cracks. All very haunting and dream-like. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much for your words! I pictured this poem when looking out of the window on a foggy winter day, and I'm so glad that the feeling was conveyed through my words! I hope you have an amazing day :)
Comment from RodG
Winter described here is both a literal and figurative time of year and the Speaker's life. The "darkness" alluded to is not as clearly described as those branches in stanza two. Twice you use THING words which are vague references. If you make your nouns and modifiers more specific, your poem will gain CLARITY and please your readers more. Rod
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Winter described here is both a literal and figurative time of year and the Speaker's life. The "darkness" alluded to is not as clearly described as those branches in stanza two. Twice you use THING words which are vague references. If you make your nouns and modifiers more specific, your poem will gain CLARITY and please your readers more. Rod
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the suggestions! I changed a couple parts that you suggested if you want to read it over again. Hopefully it flows better!
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You are making progress. Can you replace EVERYTHING? ?It doesn?t go fast? is vague. See if you can replace ?go fast? with a stronger verb.
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Fixed! Do these changes fit better? :)
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Much better. I added a star to my rating. But one more suggestion. You used a single mark of punctuation, a ?. Why no periods? Be consistent.
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You are so right! I'll fix that :D
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent poem for the challenge. You use colorful descriptions and good imagery. You express the changes that come as Winter takes over. Well written. I enjoyed reviewing this.
Best wishes,
Alex
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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This is an excellent poem for the challenge. You use colorful descriptions and good imagery. You express the changes that come as Winter takes over. Well written. I enjoyed reviewing this.
Best wishes,
Alex
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it, I'm crossing my fingers for the contest as well!
