Thaw sets in
Haiku20 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I admit i don't get it. Go ahead and put the duncecap on my head.
Thaw sets in ( easy to grasp)
Butter melts ( butter melts 24 hours a day inside the house on the table, I am not sure what you are going for here, as I have never carried around butter while I was outside)
Heart feels seeping warmth ( from what source?) And why was your heart ice cold?
Please explain your thinking to Me. Karen
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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I admit i don't get it. Go ahead and put the duncecap on my head.
Thaw sets in ( easy to grasp)
Butter melts ( butter melts 24 hours a day inside the house on the table, I am not sure what you are going for here, as I have never carried around butter while I was outside)
Heart feels seeping warmth ( from what source?) And why was your heart ice cold?
Please explain your thinking to Me. Karen
Comment Written 07-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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The severe limitation of syllable made it difficult to express more clearly .I intended thaw as thawing of hard feelings.hatred /resentment thaws like melting butter .I love to watch butter melting there is some comfort in it
Resentment harbored slowly melts...
Thanks for asking .
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Okay, got it. I appreciate your taking the time to explain it to me. Thses little buggers are hard to do. Karen :-)
Comment from lyenochka
I guess butter melting temperature is warm but it was quite a leap from the winter temps to the warmth in the heart to the butter. To me the heart is the most powerful line so should go last. Maybe something like:
Winter thaws
Even butter softens
Warmth seeps in my heart
Of course, it's all your choice!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I guess butter melting temperature is warm but it was quite a leap from the winter temps to the warmth in the heart to the butter. To me the heart is the most powerful line so should go last. Maybe something like:
Winter thaws
Even butter softens
Warmth seeps in my heart
Of course, it's all your choice!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you helen .I have made some changes..This was supposed to come as a club entry .I dont know why it didnt come like that.
Comment from Caroline M England
I like your haiku - it is thought provoking and I had to read it several times to pick up the relevance of the butter - and I always like to be made to think!
I do love the image of the heart feeling the warmth seeping in and it feels like we defrost slightly as people as the spring comes. Nicely done.
Best wishes
Caroline
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I like your haiku - it is thought provoking and I had to read it several times to pick up the relevance of the butter - and I always like to be made to think!
I do love the image of the heart feeling the warmth seeping in and it feels like we defrost slightly as people as the spring comes. Nicely done.
Best wishes
Caroline
Comment Written 03-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I like to watch as the butter melts Somehow to me it is heartwarming and comforting ..This was actually a club entry to write haiku lessthan the usual 17 syllables Thanks for dropping by.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Please -- delete your notes. You have succeeded. However, if I may, I'll offer what I learned from brilliant poets here in past--
HAIKU EXPLAINED
Two points to mention-- a title is always shown like this: the satori or the first line (not a different word), and alliteration is not encouraged. e.g. Your title is: haiku (thaw sets in) or haiku (melting butter)
The other thing is capital letters aren't used, except for proper nouns. Here's the explanation of haiku I keep on file (and one example of mine):
17 or less syllables - The main thing is to keep it as close as possible to short line, longer line, short line - does not have to be 5-7-5
should be immediate, as if watching as the observer - present tense only
kigo - this is a seasonal reference - does not have to be named (e.g. summer, winter etc.) just implied (e.g. lambs would imply spring)
kire - this is the cutting line, or pivot - it should join two concrete images grammatically
satori - this is the "aha!" moment -- the satori can be at the beginning OR end of the poem. In the example I give below, the satori starts the poem:
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Please -- delete your notes. You have succeeded. However, if I may, I'll offer what I learned from brilliant poets here in past--
HAIKU EXPLAINED
Two points to mention-- a title is always shown like this: the satori or the first line (not a different word), and alliteration is not encouraged. e.g. Your title is: haiku (thaw sets in) or haiku (melting butter)
The other thing is capital letters aren't used, except for proper nouns. Here's the explanation of haiku I keep on file (and one example of mine):
17 or less syllables - The main thing is to keep it as close as possible to short line, longer line, short line - does not have to be 5-7-5
should be immediate, as if watching as the observer - present tense only
kigo - this is a seasonal reference - does not have to be named (e.g. summer, winter etc.) just implied (e.g. lambs would imply spring)
kire - this is the cutting line, or pivot - it should join two concrete images grammatically
satori - this is the "aha!" moment -- the satori can be at the beginning OR end of the poem. In the example I give below, the satori starts the poem:
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I am changing the title. and removing the capital This was the club entry for succinct haiku shorter than the usual as short as possible.
Thank you for dropping in and taking the trouble to write a detailed review.
Comment from Begin Again
If anyone has ever watched butter melting in a microwave, slowly changing from the cold hard stick to the warm soft, creamy concoction ....they will definitely understand how warm and comfortable it feels as a harsh winter slips away. Well done!
Carol
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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If anyone has ever watched butter melting in a microwave, slowly changing from the cold hard stick to the warm soft, creamy concoction ....they will definitely understand how warm and comfortable it feels as a harsh winter slips away. Well done!
Carol
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much .sorry I am late in replying
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Sanku,
I like your haiku, it made me ponder.... why is the heart melting? The juxtaposition of melting butter and melting heart .... it's really good. The phrase, "it melts my heart" comes to but how does it relate to melting ice? It could be some people have a cold heart... a frozen up front... it's all very thought provoking.
Suggestions...
-- Keep it low case minimum punctuation
-- connect the 2 lines grammatically
-- dash before satori
thaw sets in
as heart's warmth seeps out--
melting butter....
Something like that.
Well done!!!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Hello, Sanku,
I like your haiku, it made me ponder.... why is the heart melting? The juxtaposition of melting butter and melting heart .... it's really good. The phrase, "it melts my heart" comes to but how does it relate to melting ice? It could be some people have a cold heart... a frozen up front... it's all very thought provoking.
Suggestions...
-- Keep it low case minimum punctuation
-- connect the 2 lines grammatically
-- dash before satori
thaw sets in
as heart's warmth seeps out--
melting butter....
Something like that.
Well done!!!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Thank you .I will do the corrections...I had written 'like melting' butter' Then cut off' like..'
Comment from QC Poet
I am aware that there other types of Haiku formats. I like your 3-5-3 syllable format. I'm just wondering if it carries a specific Haiku format name. Thank you for Sharing your Haiku
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I am aware that there other types of Haiku formats. I like your 3-5-3 syllable format. I'm just wondering if it carries a specific Haiku format name. Thank you for Sharing your Haiku
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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This was a club entry for succinct haiku kaiku shorter than the usual
Thanks for dropping b
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm hoping your ideas was that frozen hearts can be melted, much like butter can. It takes willingness, but they can be melted. I enjoyed reading and thank you for sharing this poem with us.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I'm hoping your ideas was that frozen hearts can be melted, much like butter can. It takes willingness, but they can be melted. I enjoyed reading and thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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True it takes willingness ,Thank you for dropping by
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well yes you did get your message across. I appreciate it very much. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. May you have a good day and may God bless you.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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This is very well yes you did get your message across. I appreciate it very much. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. May you have a good day and may God bless you.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I always say that I like these verses about winter when we have these opposing elements of cold and warmth. And this achieves that with originality and imagination. The emotion in the middle line perfectly links lines 1 and 3 together, giving a very pleasing sensation to your themed haiku. Well done, Sanku! Debbie
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I always say that I like these verses about winter when we have these opposing elements of cold and warmth. And this achieves that with originality and imagination. The emotion in the middle line perfectly links lines 1 and 3 together, giving a very pleasing sensation to your themed haiku. Well done, Sanku! Debbie
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much i am sorry for the delay in reply
