Sandra's Lover
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Rocking R Bar"A macabre crime thriller. Grotesque and detailed.
2 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is a good chapter. I like a good detective story, and the office politics angle, of a woman being introduced to a male dominated field.
I recommend going back through this for additional editing. Focus on speech tag and those little gremlins.
notes:
For missing person {# 2 �¢?"} Sandra Jean Jesperson,
-Is this intentional?
"whatcha drinkin sweetie?" The blonde asked.
-"Whatcha drinkin sweetie?" the blonde asked.
"Long Island iced tea, tall glass and only a little ice" She responded.
-"Long Island iced tea, tall glass and only a little ice," she responded.
"Single {�¢?"} gotta drive home later, thanks."
-unknown
"Sandra Jesperson." Terry replies and then ad
-"Sandra Jesperson," Terry replies and then ad
"Uhm just her sweater. But she did that a lot." Mars offered.
-"Uhm just her sweater. But she did that a lot," Mars offered.
"Uhm, yeah, ok{ �¢?"} just give a minute to fix these guys their drinks and I'll go in back and get it for {you." Mars} replied.
-"Uhm, yeah, ok, just give a minute to fix these guys their drinks and I'll go in back and get it for you," Mars replied.
"I haven't seen you in here before, this your first time in here?" He asked her.
-"I haven't seen you in here before, this your first time in here?" he asked.
"So, you must have known Sandra then." Terry asked him
-"So, you must have known Sandra then," Terry asked him
and take a closer look at Sandra's sweater..
-and take a closer look at Sandra's sweater.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
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This is a good chapter. I like a good detective story, and the office politics angle, of a woman being introduced to a male dominated field.
I recommend going back through this for additional editing. Focus on speech tag and those little gremlins.
notes:
For missing person {# 2 �¢?"} Sandra Jean Jesperson,
-Is this intentional?
"whatcha drinkin sweetie?" The blonde asked.
-"Whatcha drinkin sweetie?" the blonde asked.
"Long Island iced tea, tall glass and only a little ice" She responded.
-"Long Island iced tea, tall glass and only a little ice," she responded.
"Single {�¢?"} gotta drive home later, thanks."
-unknown
"Sandra Jesperson." Terry replies and then ad
-"Sandra Jesperson," Terry replies and then ad
"Uhm just her sweater. But she did that a lot." Mars offered.
-"Uhm just her sweater. But she did that a lot," Mars offered.
"Uhm, yeah, ok{ �¢?"} just give a minute to fix these guys their drinks and I'll go in back and get it for {you." Mars} replied.
-"Uhm, yeah, ok, just give a minute to fix these guys their drinks and I'll go in back and get it for you," Mars replied.
"I haven't seen you in here before, this your first time in here?" He asked her.
-"I haven't seen you in here before, this your first time in here?" he asked.
"So, you must have known Sandra then." Terry asked him
-"So, you must have known Sandra then," Terry asked him
and take a closer look at Sandra's sweater..
-and take a closer look at Sandra's sweater.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
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Thank you...please look again and see if I got them all. I really appreciate all feedback! These little codex's that the system adds, I don't usually see when I first load them.
Again thank you!
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written story, and I enjoyed listening to it very much. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. Have a good rest of the week and then have a good weekend. Patricia.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024
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This is a very well written story, and I enjoyed listening to it very much. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. Have a good rest of the week and then have a good weekend. Patricia.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024
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Thank you Patricia. I always look forward to your reviews. More coming soon.