The Colonoscopy That Wasn't
I was scheduled for a procedure that didn't happen27 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Observing somebody bound out of one burning building into another would be funny to watch. Kind of like out of the frying pan and into the proverbial fire.
Don't those unordinary happenings help to keep life interesting?
"doctors office" should be doctor's office.
"back side" should be backside.
What, prostrate exams not your idea of a grand event?
"How about a fist?" sounds just like what a wiseacre doctor would counter a refusal to do the digit stunt with.
On occasion, life has a strange manner for preventing some of those less desired and unfortunate incidents one does not wish to endure.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Observing somebody bound out of one burning building into another would be funny to watch. Kind of like out of the frying pan and into the proverbial fire.
Don't those unordinary happenings help to keep life interesting?
"doctors office" should be doctor's office.
"back side" should be backside.
What, prostrate exams not your idea of a grand event?
"How about a fist?" sounds just like what a wiseacre doctor would counter a refusal to do the digit stunt with.
On occasion, life has a strange manner for preventing some of those less desired and unfortunate incidents one does not wish to endure.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Hello Brett,
thanks so much for the thoughtful and humorous review. I had already gone through the whole crapping my guts out routine, I would have liked to have endured the probe just for peace of mind, but without a timeline to let me know when it would happen, I opted out. I may pursue it again in the future, but no time soon.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from LateBloomer
Oh, Tom, your experience was awful. I've had this procedure and my share of surgeries where a similar prep is necessary. As frustrating as it was, I want to encourage you to re-schedule. I understand where you are coming from. My husband would do the same exact thing as you. My other thought is ... if you are not going to have a colonoscopy, please have your doctor arrange for you to send a "sample" via mail or to your local blood lab. My husband does the mail-in "sample" and blood was found in his sample. Thus, forcing him to have a colonoscopy. The result was that he had a 10cm polyp. He was more than lucky that it was not a cancer. His doctor has suggested that he have a colonoscopy done each year, and his response was ... maybe in three years, I'll think about it. I want to encourage you reschedule, but don't do it in the winter. My weather is much milder than where you live, but I do my doctor appointments between April - October. Please reconsider and do it in the summer. Now back to your story ...
Your story is well written. It has good humor, and humor sells. Let's face it, we all hate going to doctors. Of note:
I just wanted to get the whole thing behind me.
(T, now it's time for my joke ... actually, the whole thing was behind you.)
I know that we all have to die from something, but there are better ways to go. My mom died from ovarian and colon cancer. None of it was pretty. I say this softly ... dying from colon cancer is a needless death when there is screening for the disease. Polyps are simply cut out and home you go.
Be well. Stay safe, and reconsider. I'm going to read the other reviews I'm sure there aren't as many "mother hens" as myself.
Your story is well written. You had the bad luck of having some A-hole driving too fast. Perhaps, after s/he, they, recover from their car accident, they should all get a colonoscopy before they go home--their just punishment. Have a great night. Margaret ~ LateBloomer
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2024
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Oh, Tom, your experience was awful. I've had this procedure and my share of surgeries where a similar prep is necessary. As frustrating as it was, I want to encourage you to re-schedule. I understand where you are coming from. My husband would do the same exact thing as you. My other thought is ... if you are not going to have a colonoscopy, please have your doctor arrange for you to send a "sample" via mail or to your local blood lab. My husband does the mail-in "sample" and blood was found in his sample. Thus, forcing him to have a colonoscopy. The result was that he had a 10cm polyp. He was more than lucky that it was not a cancer. His doctor has suggested that he have a colonoscopy done each year, and his response was ... maybe in three years, I'll think about it. I want to encourage you reschedule, but don't do it in the winter. My weather is much milder than where you live, but I do my doctor appointments between April - October. Please reconsider and do it in the summer. Now back to your story ...
Your story is well written. It has good humor, and humor sells. Let's face it, we all hate going to doctors. Of note:
I just wanted to get the whole thing behind me.
(T, now it's time for my joke ... actually, the whole thing was behind you.)
I know that we all have to die from something, but there are better ways to go. My mom died from ovarian and colon cancer. None of it was pretty. I say this softly ... dying from colon cancer is a needless death when there is screening for the disease. Polyps are simply cut out and home you go.
Be well. Stay safe, and reconsider. I'm going to read the other reviews I'm sure there aren't as many "mother hens" as myself.
Your story is well written. You had the bad luck of having some A-hole driving too fast. Perhaps, after s/he, they, recover from their car accident, they should all get a colonoscopy before they go home--their just punishment. Have a great night. Margaret ~ LateBloomer
Comment Written 08-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2024
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Hello Margaret,
thanks so much for the wonderful review. I will reconsider, but it won't be any time soon. I will admit, I lost four pounds afterwards, but I've since gained it back, so that's not a good reason to go in. Your last sentence cracked me up gal. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a just punishment for all the criminal or just plain stupid things that people did? I really do appreciate your concern gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from Mrs. KT
Oh my goodness, Tom!
I don't know how I missed this hilarious - at your expense, I'm afraid - post! I write "hilarious" only because it resonates so "deeply" and personally with me.
Your experience is something that would happen to me.
Oh, wait!
A similar experience did: I did all the preparation for my colonoscopy.
On the table, ready to "go under" for the procedure, but the nurse cannot find a suitable vein to get the anesthesia moving along on its way. She keeps jabbing my hidden veins, all the while asking me if I remembered her waiting on my husband and me when she was a waitress at our favorite restaurant.
I believe, I replied, "Hell, no, I don't remember you! And watch what you are doing!"
At that moment a seasoned nurse takes over, informing me that "You have little veins."
To which I replied, "Well, that's about the only thing that is little on me."
She sticks me good, and the pain is searing... unbelievable pain.
I scream, "Something is wrong! My arm is burning!"
To which the DOCTOR now chimes in, "Too late. We're going in!"
And yes, I experienced my first colonoscopy completely awake - Felt EVERYTHING!!!! Worse than childbirth.
I "tossed my cookies" afterwards...
And believe me I say, that the next time I had to undergo a colonoscopy, the entire anesthesia department at Munson Medical Center in Traverse City, MI knew to knock out the crazy lady BEFORE the procedure began!
Whew...
That is all...
Haven't retold that experience in years... :)
diane
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024
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Oh my goodness, Tom!
I don't know how I missed this hilarious - at your expense, I'm afraid - post! I write "hilarious" only because it resonates so "deeply" and personally with me.
Your experience is something that would happen to me.
Oh, wait!
A similar experience did: I did all the preparation for my colonoscopy.
On the table, ready to "go under" for the procedure, but the nurse cannot find a suitable vein to get the anesthesia moving along on its way. She keeps jabbing my hidden veins, all the while asking me if I remembered her waiting on my husband and me when she was a waitress at our favorite restaurant.
I believe, I replied, "Hell, no, I don't remember you! And watch what you are doing!"
At that moment a seasoned nurse takes over, informing me that "You have little veins."
To which I replied, "Well, that's about the only thing that is little on me."
She sticks me good, and the pain is searing... unbelievable pain.
I scream, "Something is wrong! My arm is burning!"
To which the DOCTOR now chimes in, "Too late. We're going in!"
And yes, I experienced my first colonoscopy completely awake - Felt EVERYTHING!!!! Worse than childbirth.
I "tossed my cookies" afterwards...
And believe me I say, that the next time I had to undergo a colonoscopy, the entire anesthesia department at Munson Medical Center in Traverse City, MI knew to knock out the crazy lady BEFORE the procedure began!
Whew...
That is all...
Haven't retold that experience in years... :)
diane
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024
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Hello Diane,
Well, your experience, while undeniably hilarious to me, I'm sure was one of the most humiliating, painful procedures you've ever endured. I wish you would write about this on FS, if it's not too painful to relate again. I'm so sorry that you endured such a terrible experience. The way you write about it though is priceless. Thanks so much for sharing this. Regardless of what they may think of you at the hospital, you are a class act gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from pome lover
I am not laughing. I am not laughing. :)
You went through the absolute worst part and then didn't have it? Your "intro" was perfect for that situation! I wish I could've seen your face!
What I don't understand, really, is why the EKG back to back? I never heard of such a thing.
There sure must have been a lot of hurt people in that pile up for doctors to have to stop procedures their patients were already prepped for. I never heard of that, either!
It is 68 degrees right now. Along with pots of pansies, today I planted some yellow snapdragons. This is just for my front porch. The back is a disaster area of huge potted plants that didn't make it because I stupidly uncovered them too soon. Going to have to replace them all a little at a time. But we'll probably have another cold spell this month. Everything on the front porch I can bring in.
Anyway, I enjoyed your post and the way you began it. The lady and the fire story was hilarious.
Oh, and I don't blame you for not rescheduling!
Katharine (giggle giggle)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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I am not laughing. I am not laughing. :)
You went through the absolute worst part and then didn't have it? Your "intro" was perfect for that situation! I wish I could've seen your face!
What I don't understand, really, is why the EKG back to back? I never heard of such a thing.
There sure must have been a lot of hurt people in that pile up for doctors to have to stop procedures their patients were already prepped for. I never heard of that, either!
It is 68 degrees right now. Along with pots of pansies, today I planted some yellow snapdragons. This is just for my front porch. The back is a disaster area of huge potted plants that didn't make it because I stupidly uncovered them too soon. Going to have to replace them all a little at a time. But we'll probably have another cold spell this month. Everything on the front porch I can bring in.
Anyway, I enjoyed your post and the way you began it. The lady and the fire story was hilarious.
Oh, and I don't blame you for not rescheduling!
Katharine (giggle giggle)
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Hello Katharine,
I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Yes, I had mixed feelings; I mean I didn't really want to go through the procedure, but once I'd suffered through a whole roll of toilet paper, I felt like I should endure the humiliation, but as I mentioned, look who it is that's writing. Of course nothing like that has ever happened before in the history of the hospital, and most likely never will again. I think that they're going to have to label my life as Botts Syndrome or some such thing. You know, person could be sitting on the therapists couch mentioning all the unbelievable turns of event in their lives and he would calmly explain they were suffering from Botts Syndrome, an unpleasant by not unheard of malady. Next time you hear of something unheard of previously, remember me. Thanks so much for the wonderful review and stars gal.
Tom
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Interesting reading. Well done.
One finger was enough for me.
I figured that at my age, whatever they might find, I would not do anything about anyway. I went with the odds and now at 73, looks like it was the right choice. (Watch, now that I've said that I'll prob'ly start massive butt bleeding this afternoon!) smiley face here
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024
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Interesting reading. Well done.
One finger was enough for me.
I figured that at my age, whatever they might find, I would not do anything about anyway. I went with the odds and now at 73, looks like it was the right choice. (Watch, now that I've said that I'll prob'ly start massive butt bleeding this afternoon!) smiley face here
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024
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Hello Wayne,
I'm right there with you buddy. I don't want anyone invading my space. Probing fingers are not something I want to deal with anymore. I doubt that I'll go through the whole preparation thing again. It was really uncomfortable. I guess if I die from colon cancer, I'll always curse myself, but I suppose I'll take my chances.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
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I'm already older than my grandparents, so...
(time flies when you're havin' fun?)
Comment from Jeano
Although this probably wasn't funny at the time, it makes a great humorous story. Well done. Yes, that golightly is a salty mix. Thank goodness I was always prescribed bottles of magnesium citrate, it tastes more like strong 7Up. Not so bad. Enjoyed your story very much. It made me laugh, so that's the goal, righ?
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024
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Although this probably wasn't funny at the time, it makes a great humorous story. Well done. Yes, that golightly is a salty mix. Thank goodness I was always prescribed bottles of magnesium citrate, it tastes more like strong 7Up. Not so bad. Enjoyed your story very much. It made me laugh, so that's the goal, righ?
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024
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Hello Jeano,
thanks so much for the great review and comments. Yes, that was my intention, a little humor to offset the unpleasant. I took the magnesium citrate after I had knee surgery and was all plugged up. It worked good, and as you mentioned, it didn't taste bad. That other stuff was like drinking liquid pumice or something. It really scoured out the insides. My colon was squeaky clean, but a lot of good it did me. I did however lose four pounds, which was some consolation I guess.
Have a blessed day gal.
Tom
Comment from LJbutterfly
You've made the uncomfortable subject of a colonoscopy humorous. I had one almost eight years ago, and the prep was not fun, even though I appreciated the nice peaceful sleep while the procedure was being performed. My husband took me out to a nice restaurant afterward for lunch.
The car accident was unfortunate, but it got you off the hook. I hope all remains well and you never experience Golightly again.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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You've made the uncomfortable subject of a colonoscopy humorous. I had one almost eight years ago, and the prep was not fun, even though I appreciated the nice peaceful sleep while the procedure was being performed. My husband took me out to a nice restaurant afterward for lunch.
The car accident was unfortunate, but it got you off the hook. I hope all remains well and you never experience Golightly again.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Hello LJ,
I've heard from a number of folks who have had the procedure done. I almost wish I had gone through the process since I'd already crapped my guts out, and they may never be that empty again if I have any say in it. I did lose four pounds though. It was kind of your husband to take you to lunch afterwards. You had to refill the tank, it may as well be with something tasty. Maybe I can market a brand of toilet paper for people who are preparing for colonoscopies and call it Wipe Gently. Who knows, I might end up rich. Thanks so much for the fun review gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You can really write great comic stuff, Tom, and this is wonderful! You have a unique sense of humour that would make me want to read your account of a telephone directory! The pictures you paint are priceless and I found myself smiling all the way through. But so glad you didn't have to go through any further indignity. That's hospitals for you - you just, suddenly, want to put your health on the back burner and get on with life. Superb and a virtual six from me! Debbie
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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You can really write great comic stuff, Tom, and this is wonderful! You have a unique sense of humour that would make me want to read your account of a telephone directory! The pictures you paint are priceless and I found myself smiling all the way through. But so glad you didn't have to go through any further indignity. That's hospitals for you - you just, suddenly, want to put your health on the back burner and get on with life. Superb and a virtual six from me! Debbie
Comment Written 30-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Hello Debbie,
thanks so much for the great review gal. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I might not be rich or handsome, but I am blessed with a good sense of humor, and after my bout with Golightly, I lost four pounds. Of course I've gained it all back, but for a short period of time I didn't pass out when I stepped on the scale.
Have a blessed day gal.
Tom
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I haven't laughed so much in years. You wanted to get your colonoscopy behind you? I think that's a given. I have had several of those, and the last time I I told them, you put me completely under. Spending two days attached to the throne is not how I care to spend my time. I already call it the reading room because my bladder is the size of a thimble. You write deliciously well. Karen
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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I haven't laughed so much in years. You wanted to get your colonoscopy behind you? I think that's a given. I have had several of those, and the last time I I told them, you put me completely under. Spending two days attached to the throne is not how I care to spend my time. I already call it the reading room because my bladder is the size of a thimble. You write deliciously well. Karen
Comment Written 30-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Hello Karen,
thanks so much for the exceptional review and stars gal. I know too well about the small bladder, only now, to go with that, I have to deal with an enlarged prostate. The hits just keep on coming folks. When I used to go on road trips I could usually plan on making about fifty miles between stops. Most towns had a McDonalds, and they had clean bathrooms, so I'd stop there. I've been known to park in long driveways and water the trees of strangers though also, when the urge gets too much to bear. Of course being a man it's more feasible to do. A thimble huh? I think my bladder is the size of the cap on a pen. A cheap pen, like Bic.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
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Have you spent time in Texas? You sound like me. Highly intelligent and funny. You brightened my day immensely.
I think you would like "Genoa, Texas" one of my early ones here. Karen
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No, I've never spent any time there. I passed through the Dallas airport once on the way back to Alaska. I'll check out your post gal, thanks.
Tom
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My youngest lives in Alaska. Same kind of independent mind set . :-) Karen
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Where in Alaska?
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Palmer. close to anchorage.
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Well, its a small world. Palmer is very close to Wasilla. Our church is actually considered being in Palmer. My granddaughter has played softball in the field there and I think my son-in-law works there. I have friends who live in Palmer, and there is a gun range on the outskirts that I've been to. There is also a farm that grows veggies that you can go pick yourself. Yep, I'm familiar with Palmer. Thanks for letting me know.
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I want to go visit him, If I do, I will let you know we could do dinner. Karen
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Well, I know what you are talking about because I did it twice. My recommendation is to get the "full package" so you can sleep through it, otherwise you still feel it no matter what they give you.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Well, I know what you are talking about because I did it twice. My recommendation is to get the "full package" so you can sleep through it, otherwise you still feel it no matter what they give you.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Hello Iza,
I see you changed your picture. I don't know if I'll ever subject myself to it again. It's not like I didn't try to get it taken care of, it just wasn't in the cards for me I guess. I did, however, lose four pounds, so something good came out of the experience. Thanks so much for the fine review gal. Have a blessed evening.
Tom