Life, Death, Up, Down
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "painsacreepin'"short stories
26 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Arch Stemple, whose working life was devoted to bringing joy to others, loses his partner and his reason to carry on. What a brilliant setup for the tragic error he makes, ignoring social prejudices to bring a little girl happiness. There is so much sadness caused in this world by misunderstood intentions. You are a maestro when it comes to playing on the heartstrings.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Arch Stemple, whose working life was devoted to bringing joy to others, loses his partner and his reason to carry on. What a brilliant setup for the tragic error he makes, ignoring social prejudices to bring a little girl happiness. There is so much sadness caused in this world by misunderstood intentions. You are a maestro when it comes to playing on the heartstrings.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Thank you! I learn from the best teachers!
Comment from lyenochka
Wow, what a sad story. So for not reporting the missing child, he was incarcerated? I guess the child can't talk maybe from the traumatic situation she was from? I liked how you showed that even that one special day meant the world to the narrator.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Wow, what a sad story. So for not reporting the missing child, he was incarcerated? I guess the child can't talk maybe from the traumatic situation she was from? I liked how you showed that even that one special day meant the world to the narrator.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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I will try not to overdo the sadness part. But I enjoy writing either for The Lord, or bout the human condition, and humans are fallible and often must pay consequences for the wrong decisions.
Comment from Thesis
When I started reading this, I was not enjoying it. However, when Suzy was introduced and he took her away from where she was sitting, I became fearful for her safety until his reasoning was identified. The way you described how he took her all over the City without her guardian's permission, even though she enjoyed it and he felt she deserved it, led to a predictable outcome with the police.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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When I started reading this, I was not enjoying it. However, when Suzy was introduced and he took her away from where she was sitting, I became fearful for her safety until his reasoning was identified. The way you described how he took her all over the City without her guardian's permission, even though she enjoyed it and he felt she deserved it, led to a predictable outcome with the police.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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I hope I do not disappoint you in future writings. Thank you so much for reding and reviewing!
Comment from lancellot
Jim, this is an interesting story about a lonely man. Before Arch got to the police station, I figured the kid had to be abused or mistreated by her family, that was the only way to save Arch in the mind of most readers. Because, let's be honest, what he did was selfish, foolish, and criminal. If you or I did this, we too be arrested, and our family would look at us like we'd lost our mind, as we become registered sex offenders.
But, I guess, the moral is years of loneliness makes people do strange things to alleviate it, or you can do what you want with abused children.
LOL, just kidding. Nicely written story.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Jim, this is an interesting story about a lonely man. Before Arch got to the police station, I figured the kid had to be abused or mistreated by her family, that was the only way to save Arch in the mind of most readers. Because, let's be honest, what he did was selfish, foolish, and criminal. If you or I did this, we too be arrested, and our family would look at us like we'd lost our mind, as we become registered sex offenders.
But, I guess, the moral is years of loneliness makes people do strange things to alleviate it, or you can do what you want with abused children.
LOL, just kidding. Nicely written story.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Years ago, around the time of the Punic Wars, in grad School, I learned (other than for me, glorifying God), the best thing is to write about the human situation. In life, nothing hardly ever ends up wrapped in a pretty package. When wrong decisions are made, consequences occur.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a lovely story about a child having the best day of her life after having a life what was apparently as awful as life can be. I hope he is right about everything coming out ok because he did a wonderful thing, even if it took all day. You might say . . . she (nodded) her head . . . because shaking is thought of as moving from side to side, or so I've been told.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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This is a lovely story about a child having the best day of her life after having a life what was apparently as awful as life can be. I hope he is right about everything coming out ok because he did a wonderful thing, even if it took all day. You might say . . . she (nodded) her head . . . because shaking is thought of as moving from side to side, or so I've been told.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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I fixed that and am very thankful to you!
Comment from Allieas
Wow, you did a good job telling us an intense story. Life can be quite unfair. And it's hard to do the "right" thing, or even know what that is sometimes.
I didn't notice any glaring errors. Thanks for sharing your writing with us!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Wow, you did a good job telling us an intense story. Life can be quite unfair. And it's hard to do the "right" thing, or even know what that is sometimes.
I didn't notice any glaring errors. Thanks for sharing your writing with us!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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I am very thankful for your kind words.
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow.
I certainly have mixed emotions on this story.
First it was well written, soft and with feeling. I can see Archie's point and having a wonderful day with the little girl giving her smiles and joy, but as an adult he should have known better.
Hopefully if you continue with the story he will be set free and the girl goes to a loving foster family, while her abusers go to prison.
Story well told.
John
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Wow.
I certainly have mixed emotions on this story.
First it was well written, soft and with feeling. I can see Archie's point and having a wonderful day with the little girl giving her smiles and joy, but as an adult he should have known better.
Hopefully if you continue with the story he will be set free and the girl goes to a loving foster family, while her abusers go to prison.
Story well told.
John
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you. I never was guilty of having my characters make all the right decisions, but that is the essence of the human condition.
Comment from Lisasview
Hi Jim,
I do hope my review finds you feeling better...that horrible Covid seems to be hitting nearly everyone...again...
Delightful tale and oh so very well written...
Oh and by the way I saw that you won a contest!!! How very wonderful.
I am better...saw the doctor today...
In the last two days they took out all the staples in my knee.
I am pretty exhausted when I am up more than, let's say 30 minutes.
I sleep very well in a recliner, so that is great... Trying hard to straighten the back of my knee not easy.... but no pain killers... just a bit of red wine now...
Where do you live? I lived In So. Cal most of my life but now we are in Costa Blanca, Spain and loving it... Best adventure ever...
Thank you for taking the time to read my words... I do not post a lot...
Hugs to you dear Jim,
Lisa
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Hi Jim,
I do hope my review finds you feeling better...that horrible Covid seems to be hitting nearly everyone...again...
Delightful tale and oh so very well written...
Oh and by the way I saw that you won a contest!!! How very wonderful.
I am better...saw the doctor today...
In the last two days they took out all the staples in my knee.
I am pretty exhausted when I am up more than, let's say 30 minutes.
I sleep very well in a recliner, so that is great... Trying hard to straighten the back of my knee not easy.... but no pain killers... just a bit of red wine now...
Where do you live? I lived In So. Cal most of my life but now we are in Costa Blanca, Spain and loving it... Best adventure ever...
Thank you for taking the time to read my words... I do not post a lot...
Hugs to you dear Jim,
Lisa
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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I loved those kind words! I'm a transplanted Nutmegger (tht means from Connecticut) and live in Florida. First in Hilliard, then Jacksonville. I may move nearer to Orlando later on. I just had physical therapy and feel as lot stronger now, though I have a juice bottle I can't take the top off of! Please continue to get better. We all need your words!
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A nutmegger means from Connecticut... Now that is interesting .... love learning new things.
Lisa
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It used to. I think it still does. Connecticut was known as "The Nutmeg State" and "The Constitution State".
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All very interesting information...
Lisa
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P.T. Barnum owned homes there, built a neighborhood of unique houses, now all gone, and had a museum to his honor there, where I hung out and took visitors around when I was young. There's a large statue at Bridgeport's Seaside Park, which college students often vandalized.
Comment from Ulla
That's a beautiful story. Nobody wants to believe a man when he hands in a missing child. They always believe the worst. I do believe this will end well. I certainly hope so. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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That's a beautiful story. Nobody wants to believe a man when he hands in a missing child. They always believe the worst. I do believe this will end well. I certainly hope so. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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The main character made errors in judgment, but he was a sad and lonely individual brightened for the moment by the intrusion of the girl into his life.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I'm glad you ended this tragedy on a positive note. Things will be okay. Yes, although he will go through Hell in prison he will finally get out of there and go through the rest of his life knowing he did the right thing by that little girl he called, Suzy. This was written well and although my eyesight is dim from Glaucoma I was on the edge of my seat reading this engrossing tale of a solo artist missing his teammate. Thanks for sharing this sad yet inspiring story about a man who helped a little girl to help himself as well.
Jesse
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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I'm glad you ended this tragedy on a positive note. Things will be okay. Yes, although he will go through Hell in prison he will finally get out of there and go through the rest of his life knowing he did the right thing by that little girl he called, Suzy. This was written well and although my eyesight is dim from Glaucoma I was on the edge of my seat reading this engrossing tale of a solo artist missing his teammate. Thanks for sharing this sad yet inspiring story about a man who helped a little girl to help himself as well.
Jesse
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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My eyes are growing worse with age and diabetes, but I'm thankful greatly that you read this and appreciate your kind words. Many have prayed for you. Please keep well!
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Thanks for sharing. Yes, I enjoyed reading your melancholic piece.
I am grateful for the prayers.
I intend to heal as fast as possible.
Jesse
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It's just good to know you're on that road to being well! Too many of us on FS have had to travel that highway!