Ten Minute Scripts For Two Actors
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Punter"A collection of short scripts
6 total reviews
Comment from royowen
There's any number of things that cross my mind after reading this, of course the ferryman is the legendary Charon, only he wasn't as chatty as this one,mi was a compulsive gambler, drink and smoker, until God told me to stop, and I did, but our discourse was considerably less, beautifully written, blessjngs Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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There's any number of things that cross my mind after reading this, of course the ferryman is the legendary Charon, only he wasn't as chatty as this one,mi was a compulsive gambler, drink and smoker, until God told me to stop, and I did, but our discourse was considerably less, beautifully written, blessjngs Roy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much, Roy! I must confess I wasn't thinking of Charon when I wrote this, but of course it is a perfect fit. Nothing in writing is ever new. :)
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Well done
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Navada,
what an interesting script. I wasn't sure where this was going at first. The idea that he would get a second chance is unexpected. There were a few words that I didn't understand. I don't know what pokies music is, and when you were mentioning the gambling, words like footie and flutter don't mean anything to me. I've never done much gambling. Money is too hard to come by to waste it on something like that. Well done gal. Thanks for sharing this.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Hello Navada,
what an interesting script. I wasn't sure where this was going at first. The idea that he would get a second chance is unexpected. There were a few words that I didn't understand. I don't know what pokies music is, and when you were mentioning the gambling, words like footie and flutter don't mean anything to me. I've never done much gambling. Money is too hard to come by to waste it on something like that. Well done gal. Thanks for sharing this.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for this thoughtful feedback, Tom, and for the generous six stars! I'm not a gambler either - I agree with you about it being too hard-earned to waste It makes me a very unusual Aussie though as gambling is a big component of our culture, sadly. :) Pokies are poker machines - I believe North Americans call them slot machines? They have very loud jangly music and sound effects. Footy means football (in our case, AFL or the Australian Football League) and flutter means a casual fun bet. Thanks for this feedback - I often forget I'm using Australian slang and should provide more explanation in my author's note. I'll update it now, Thank you so much! :)
Comment from Wendy G
This is wonderful! A meaningful script, filled with tension and emotion. It deals with an important social problem and the results on human relationships.You've included some humour, and VERY clever wordplays. Memorable too. I enjoyed it a lot!
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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This is wonderful! A meaningful script, filled with tension and emotion. It deals with an important social problem and the results on human relationships.You've included some humour, and VERY clever wordplays. Memorable too. I enjoyed it a lot!
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much, Wendy! This was the script that made me decide to direct my own work after it was performed by our local community theatre company. I handed it over to them and didn't see it until opening night. The director and I had different visions - she interpreted this in quite a "stagey" way and I'd imagined it to be more of an honest meaningful conversation. I directed my own scripts after that. :) I really appreciate your feedback!
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One learns the hard way.
It was indeed an honest and meaningful conversation, and it was very creatively written, and very thought-provoking. I could imagine this in a theatre. You portrayed Mick with excellent understanding of his confusion and emotions of guilt and grief. Thinking back, I wish I'd given it a six (All your pieces are six-worthy!).
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You are so kind! I really appreciate you! :)
Comment from Jim Wile
Fabulous, Navada! A very strong story and as realistic as a fantasy story can be. I loved Mick's confusion at first when he finds himself in a strange place, and I loved the Ferry Man's eventual annoyance as Mick keeps saying "What?"
The Ferry Man slowly extracts Mick's story from him, although he knows it already, in an effort to make sure Mick truly knows what has happened to him and to get him to realize that his actions will have consequences he may not have thought much about in his self-absorbed act of suicide. Mick is momentarily outraged as the Ferry Man says his name for the first time, but is eventually mollified by the FM's gentle prodding.
I also loved how the FM puts all of the responsibility on Mick when he's given the choice of a second chance. I loved the effects of the music coming to a crescendo and then stopping suddenly as the key question, "WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?" is uttered by Mick. He is then given another chance to see what else he could do.
I also loved the calming, experienced, intelligent, and fatherly demeanor of the FM, that belies his appearance as a hobo, as he listens to Mick's tale and puts the burden on him to choose his path when he gives him the choice. This was such a riveting and well-written script. - Jim
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Fabulous, Navada! A very strong story and as realistic as a fantasy story can be. I loved Mick's confusion at first when he finds himself in a strange place, and I loved the Ferry Man's eventual annoyance as Mick keeps saying "What?"
The Ferry Man slowly extracts Mick's story from him, although he knows it already, in an effort to make sure Mick truly knows what has happened to him and to get him to realize that his actions will have consequences he may not have thought much about in his self-absorbed act of suicide. Mick is momentarily outraged as the Ferry Man says his name for the first time, but is eventually mollified by the FM's gentle prodding.
I also loved how the FM puts all of the responsibility on Mick when he's given the choice of a second chance. I loved the effects of the music coming to a crescendo and then stopping suddenly as the key question, "WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?" is uttered by Mick. He is then given another chance to see what else he could do.
I also loved the calming, experienced, intelligent, and fatherly demeanor of the FM, that belies his appearance as a hobo, as he listens to Mick's tale and puts the burden on him to choose his path when he gives him the choice. This was such a riveting and well-written script. - Jim
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Jim, I feel so unbelievably affirmed by this insightful and detailed review - you've picked up on everything I was trying to achieve and you've expressed your response so positively! This was the first script I'd ever written. It was for a production of 10 in Ten with our local community theatre - a performance of 10 ten-minute plays written by (mostly) local playwrights. It made me decide to direct my own work after that. The director interpreted it in quite a "stagey" way and I'd imagined it to be more of an honest meaningful conversation. I really appreciate your thoughtful feedback and generous six stars!
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I don't blame you for wanting to direct yourself. Although there was a bit of humor with the "Whats?" at first, it was definitely an honest and meaningful conversation. Sorry the director botched the presentation with a "stagey" take.
Very impressive for a first script!
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi,
I'm enjoying these short 'plays.' So, do you read aloud to ensure the piece fits into the ten-minute time provided? I'm just wondering - though I think you've done a great job - Thank you for sharing your challenge with us,
~MP~
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Hi,
I'm enjoying these short 'plays.' So, do you read aloud to ensure the piece fits into the ten-minute time provided? I'm just wondering - though I think you've done a great job - Thank you for sharing your challenge with us,
~MP~
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much! These were actually written over three or four years for a ten-minute play festival with my community theatre group. They've all been performed on stage and they do last for ten minutes.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I enjoyed reading this. About a fourth of the way through, I started to see a mythological allusion to Charon the ferryman in Greek mythology, even though the reader is never told his real name. This script does a good job pointing out what can happen when a young man loses balance in his life. It offers a hopeful second chance at the end. The ferryman is more like Clarence, the angel in "It's A Wonderful Life" with much better communication skills than the mythological Charon. Nice share.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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I enjoyed reading this. About a fourth of the way through, I started to see a mythological allusion to Charon the ferryman in Greek mythology, even though the reader is never told his real name. This script does a good job pointing out what can happen when a young man loses balance in his life. It offers a hopeful second chance at the end. The ferryman is more like Clarence, the angel in "It's A Wonderful Life" with much better communication skills than the mythological Charon. Nice share.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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I really, really appreciate your thoughtful feedback and the six stars - thank you so much! You are my first review for this script. I confess I wasn't thinking specifically about either of those references when I first wrote this piece some years back, but of course they fit well. Thanks again! :)
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Sure thing. My head is stuck in classic Hollywood half the time.