Life's Twisted Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Life's Twisted Road"Pages turn, stories change, bonds crumble
19 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow -- flawless writing, and a compelling read -- marvelous pacing, highly believable characters. Under normal circumstances (in times past) this is a book I would choose to follow.
I am fresh out of sixes this week -- wish I wasn't because this deserves that rating, IMHO.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Wow -- flawless writing, and a compelling read -- marvelous pacing, highly believable characters. Under normal circumstances (in times past) this is a book I would choose to follow.
I am fresh out of sixes this week -- wish I wasn't because this deserves that rating, IMHO.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hello, Dawn... Sorry for my delay, but life is always getting in my way. Though I did manage to read about Greta and Biscuit and enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by and I hope to see you again.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
I am so hooked. In this first chapter of the story, you've included action, mystery, suspense, and lies. Something dreadful had taken place and the grandmother knows about it. Now, her granddaughter hopes she dies from her fall, never to reveal the secret. Wow! I am glad you are back, despite the challenges you may have had while away. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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I am so hooked. In this first chapter of the story, you've included action, mystery, suspense, and lies. Something dreadful had taken place and the grandmother knows about it. Now, her granddaughter hopes she dies from her fall, never to reveal the secret. Wow! I am glad you are back, despite the challenges you may have had while away. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Hello, my friend. What a welcome back! I'm thrilled to hear from you and ecstatic that you love the story. It's definitely not my usual detective thriller but I needed to dump a lot of sad baggage and what better place than entwined in a story. I hope I can do it justice. I am humbled by your words and the stars, but grateful beyond words. Thank you...Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Welcome back dear Carol!!! I've missed you! And what a thumper of a chapter you've started your first chapter with. The detail, the imagery, the emotions, the nastiness ... it's all there in this chapter!! I don't think you will be short of readers, my friend. I love this one, although that isn't quite the word I should use, as I recognise your own life experiences in this. But then again, that's what makes the story so realistic. I'm glad you're back, dear friend. Love you lots. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Welcome back dear Carol!!! I've missed you! And what a thumper of a chapter you've started your first chapter with. The detail, the imagery, the emotions, the nastiness ... it's all there in this chapter!! I don't think you will be short of readers, my friend. I love this one, although that isn't quite the word I should use, as I recognise your own life experiences in this. But then again, that's what makes the story so realistic. I'm glad you're back, dear friend. Love you lots. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Couldn't ask for a better way to begin my day than sharing it with you, my dear. First, I was captivated by your magical Flossie and Tildie and couldn't stop smiling. And now, I am blessed by your kindness. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I appreciate every word.... your encouragement and support has brought me to this point. Thank you so much. Smiles, hugs, and love, Carol
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I couldn't ask for anything better than seeing you here at long last!! I missed you so much. xxxx🥰
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It's a struggle but then don't they say any thing worth having takes work and lots of effort. Every review has been encouraging and confidence building. It may take me longer than I prefer, but I am determined to dig my heels in and stick this one out. I've been blessed with "cheerleaders" and special friends like you. I am so thankful. Love you, Carol
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I'm so glad, because this will do you so much good. They are nice on here, and you are such a lovely lady, you fit in perfectly. Love you lots. xxxx
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(((HUGS)))
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is a nice touch Most writers wouldn't think to add this little bit of more stress. You have used some good metaphors and similes in this also. This seems to be some sort of foreshadowing: "Stupid old lady should have minded her own business." There's been a suspicious air throughout this whole report. Me thinks the lady protests too much: "I guess I was afraid someone might blame me since I was here." Good ending. A+
Onto the next chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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This is a nice touch Most writers wouldn't think to add this little bit of more stress. You have used some good metaphors and similes in this also. This seems to be some sort of foreshadowing: "Stupid old lady should have minded her own business." There's been a suspicious air throughout this whole report. Me thinks the lady protests too much: "I guess I was afraid someone might blame me since I was here." Good ending. A+
Onto the next chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Your kindness is overwhelming.... An A+! I am thrilled that you found enjoyment in the story and caught all the underlying jabs and turmoil. Thank you so much and I pray you continue to enjoy my writing.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I've made note to be able to get on to the next chapter. Glee abounds.
Comment from Frank Malley
I read Chapter 2, "Begin Again," first. Since this the setup for that brief chapter, I am able to correctly sync the story pieces. The story moves well. The reader's curiosity is strongly desires to discover what preceded these first instances of a serious problem. There's a serious suggestion that something wrong has been done by the central character in the story, Natasha. Natasha makes several remarks, and she says very angry things about the woman who's unconscious. The reader wants to know how and why this unconscious woman ended up on the floor. All of this works to make this story a success.
I always think that efficiency in tell is very important. Put in all the needed mapway points for the reader, but don't digress and describe things that may be clear simply from context. For example, what EMTs do when they arrive. Questions from the police should be efficient and perhaps too blunt; answers can display confusion, anxiety, and deception. The author engenders these reader recognitions, but I think that it could be achieved more efficiently. Pacing is a critical skill for the modern writer.
There is very little physical description in this chapter. Some greater visual description of setting and character might help the reader's imaginative envisionment of the progressing story. Only include key features, and use hints rather than more complete descriptions unless the physical description plays a necessary role in the story telling.
You write well. When I reread, I try to remember that this should grab my interest. If I'm just indulging my aptitude with words, I may be taking the heat out of the story.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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I read Chapter 2, "Begin Again," first. Since this the setup for that brief chapter, I am able to correctly sync the story pieces. The story moves well. The reader's curiosity is strongly desires to discover what preceded these first instances of a serious problem. There's a serious suggestion that something wrong has been done by the central character in the story, Natasha. Natasha makes several remarks, and she says very angry things about the woman who's unconscious. The reader wants to know how and why this unconscious woman ended up on the floor. All of this works to make this story a success.
I always think that efficiency in tell is very important. Put in all the needed mapway points for the reader, but don't digress and describe things that may be clear simply from context. For example, what EMTs do when they arrive. Questions from the police should be efficient and perhaps too blunt; answers can display confusion, anxiety, and deception. The author engenders these reader recognitions, but I think that it could be achieved more efficiently. Pacing is a critical skill for the modern writer.
There is very little physical description in this chapter. Some greater visual description of setting and character might help the reader's imaginative envisionment of the progressing story. Only include key features, and use hints rather than more complete descriptions unless the physical description plays a necessary role in the story telling.
You write well. When I reread, I try to remember that this should grab my interest. If I'm just indulging my aptitude with words, I may be taking the heat out of the story.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you for reading the first chapter and for all your astute comments. I appreciate it very much since I've been away from the writing game for some time due to "family". It always helps to have guidance when the writer is uncertain. Thank you again for your time, review and efforts to assist me in writing a clear story.
Have a wonderful day!
Carol
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Thank you Frank for taking your time to read and study my efforts. Your suggestions and thoughts are greatly appreciated. I'm thrilled!
Have a great day! Carol
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I hope my remarks are functional and useful. I have a lot of English background, but when it comes to a dynamic form like literature, it's hard to know what truly works. But I think brevity and efficiency, altho they're somewhat ugly words, are important for a writer to remember. Be well. Frank
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Have a blessed day and thank you!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Your writing is good. The EMTs and policeman behave as they should in the situation. The two girls seem to be working on being rotten humans, but Marie is a lot less than a decent mother. The characters behave as the bad guys should, but will they become good guys? It sounds as if the girls are up to something nasty.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Your writing is good. The EMTs and policeman behave as they should in the situation. The two girls seem to be working on being rotten humans, but Marie is a lot less than a decent mother. The characters behave as the bad guys should, but will they become good guys? It sounds as if the girls are up to something nasty.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Hello, Carol. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my latest efforts. I truly appreciate your comments and time. Thank you - Carol
Comment from Teri7
Carol, This is a very well written chapter. I am glad to see you writing again. I was on pins and needles reading the girls dialogue. I just bet we are going to find out someone had something to do with this fall. Thank you for sharing. I can't wait for the next chapter. love and blessing, Teri
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Carol, This is a very well written chapter. I am glad to see you writing again. I was on pins and needles reading the girls dialogue. I just bet we are going to find out someone had something to do with this fall. Thank you for sharing. I can't wait for the next chapter. love and blessing, Teri
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Hello, Teri... Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my latest efforts. I truly appreciate your comments. It's been a struggle to write again, but it helps to know my writing is enjoyed. Thank you - Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's so nice to have you back posting and painting your vivid pictures of life. Yes, I think we all draw on our own experiences or those of who we know, which aren't all enjoyable. I can relate, as most will, to everything I've just read. Welcome back and I hope all is well!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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It's so nice to have you back posting and painting your vivid pictures of life. Yes, I think we all draw on our own experiences or those of who we know, which aren't all enjoyable. I can relate, as most will, to everything I've just read. Welcome back and I hope all is well!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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My dear Ric... It's so comforting to be welcomed back by friends and of course, your kindness. Like the title of this book... I travel a twisted road, praying I can dodge the pitfalls my family gives me. I appreciate the stars, but your thoughtfulness and smile out shine them all. Hugs, Carol
Comment from royowen
It seems like Natasha and Becky have ventured into areas that can get them into trouble if their grandmother cam be conscious enough to do just that, it's been awhile since I've read your stuff Carol, but it's almost like you never left, I know your life was in turmoil, but welcome Bach, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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It seems like Natasha and Becky have ventured into areas that can get them into trouble if their grandmother cam be conscious enough to do just that, it's been awhile since I've read your stuff Carol, but it's almost like you never left, I know your life was in turmoil, but welcome Bach, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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It seems my family isn't happy unless I'm walking a twisted road, dodging their potholes. Luckily, I always manage to find myself back to Fanstory, friends, and the support I desperately need. Writing again doesn't come easy, but it's my lifeblood. I have faith I can Begin Again.... Hugs, Carol
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Well done Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Oh my goodness, Carol. I sense this is more non-fiction than fiction! The story is wonderfully written, but with a terrible theme of elder abuse, ugly revenge, cruelty and lies. What a twisted family this poor grandmother has. I am so glad you are writing again. Your powerful words will make this a wonderful but gut-wrenching book.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Oh my goodness, Carol. I sense this is more non-fiction than fiction! The story is wonderfully written, but with a terrible theme of elder abuse, ugly revenge, cruelty and lies. What a twisted family this poor grandmother has. I am so glad you are writing again. Your powerful words will make this a wonderful but gut-wrenching book.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Your kindness outshines the magnificent stars, my friend. It has taken time to put these chapters together and I suspect it will remain that way through out my writing of the story. My family is no more, and possibly that's for the best, but the sting still hurts. Thank you for blessing me with the stars, your time and most of all your friendship. Hugs, Carol