Brotherly Love
How far does love go?19 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Barry, you told an intriguing tale, my friend! I absolutely loved the way you spun your mysterious tale. You drew me in with the story of the brother getting himself into trouble, then the other rescuing him. Step by step money and instructions built up interest and suspense.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Barry, you told an intriguing tale, my friend! I absolutely loved the way you spun your mysterious tale. You drew me in with the story of the brother getting himself into trouble, then the other rescuing him. Step by step money and instructions built up interest and suspense.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Rhonda,
Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from Wendy G
A great story, Barry. Very engrossing - I had to keep reading till I found out the ending, which was terrific! Ray was more corrupt than his gambling brother!! Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Edits: "How much you in for Steve" (needs question mark at end) and "Forty grand" (Needs full stop at the end.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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A great story, Barry. Very engrossing - I had to keep reading till I found out the ending, which was terrific! Ray was more corrupt than his gambling brother!! Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Edits: "How much you in for Steve" (needs question mark at end) and "Forty grand" (Needs full stop at the end.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Wendy.
Thanks for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks also for the edits. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
This was a compelling story, and I read through it quickly to see what would happen next. Well told, with a nice twist, and the idea was unique for this particular contest. Very creative.
I'm just wondering what happens when the thugs' boss realizes he has a bag of counterfeit money. Surely, they'll be back at Ray's house again.
Good luck in the contest - lots of entries for this one!
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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This was a compelling story, and I read through it quickly to see what would happen next. Well told, with a nice twist, and the idea was unique for this particular contest. Very creative.
I'm just wondering what happens when the thugs' boss realizes he has a bag of counterfeit money. Surely, they'll be back at Ray's house again.
Good luck in the contest - lots of entries for this one!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Pam,
Thanks very much for your review. Glad you liked it. Will they be back at Ray's? Not if Ray's reproductions are any good.
Take care and have a wonderful day. Thanks for the best wishes.
Cheers,
Barry.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A great story for this knock on the door contest, Barry. There has been quite a variety of topics and I enjoyed this one. Brotherly love indeed. I wondered what the punchline would be, exquisite reproductions was perfect.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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A great story for this knock on the door contest, Barry. There has been quite a variety of topics and I enjoyed this one. Brotherly love indeed. I wondered what the punchline would be, exquisite reproductions was perfect.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Valda,
Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed it Yes exquisite reproductions sort of hit the spot. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is good, really good and I'd give you a six if I had any left. You might look into getting this published at one of the mystery web magazines or even in one of the few paper ones. Your characters are clearly defined. The story has no holes or errors. It's just a very fun story.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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This is good, really good and I'd give you a six if I had any left. You might look into getting this published at one of the mystery web magazines or even in one of the few paper ones. Your characters are clearly defined. The story has no holes or errors. It's just a very fun story.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Carol, thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Yes, I think I will try some magazines. Thanks for the suggestions. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry
Comment from Thesis
Barry, that was a good read. I liked the mystery of why Steve was being followed, how you identified the thugs being incompetent losing him in a crowd, and one of them being seen. The use of the courier kid to be the intermediary with messages was a nice touch. The best though, was the twist at the end when it was revealed that Ray paid his brothers debt with counterfit bills.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Barry, that was a good read. I liked the mystery of why Steve was being followed, how you identified the thugs being incompetent losing him in a crowd, and one of them being seen. The use of the courier kid to be the intermediary with messages was a nice touch. The best though, was the twist at the end when it was revealed that Ray paid his brothers debt with counterfit bills.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed the story and liked the twist. I keep feeling there are a few stories that could spin off from this one. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a twister in the end. I hope the boys don't get caught for trying to spend fake money. And again, I can't see the men who were after Steve don't find out, Ray and Steve certainly WOULD have another visit. Lol. Nice one. Good luck in the contest, :)) Sandra
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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That was a twister in the end. I hope the boys don't get caught for trying to spend fake money. And again, I can't see the men who were after Steve don't find out, Ray and Steve certainly WOULD have another visit. Lol. Nice one. Good luck in the contest, :)) Sandra
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Sandra,
Thanks so much for your review. Yes, there is potential for another visit. Ray has faith in his exquisite reproductions, and it is unlikely they will notice. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
The reader shares raise curiosity. We want to read the next sentence The next paragraph, to find out who this individual is who's knocking at the door. The mystery continues: "I think we both might need these." The sense of mystery has turned to a sense of panic. Unrealistic. All of my experience with loan sharks, possibly a broken kneecap or two? "
This is an interesting term....then we get the punch line...Ooof. This story could be revamped & made into further chapters. It's great.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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The reader shares raise curiosity. We want to read the next sentence The next paragraph, to find out who this individual is who's knocking at the door. The mystery continues: "I think we both might need these." The sense of mystery has turned to a sense of panic. Unrealistic. All of my experience with loan sharks, possibly a broken kneecap or two? "
This is an interesting term....then we get the punch line...Ooof. This story could be revamped & made into further chapters. It's great.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Liz. thanks for your review. I do agree with you that a little tweeking of the story could set it up for many chapters. I will see how time goes. Lots of things on my plate.
Take care and have a wonderful day. thanks for your support.
Cheers
Barry
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I would be very interested if you wanted to do more chapters.
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Oh Ok. Just have to see how things pan out with some other projects. Get back to you if I start something.
Cheers
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cool
Comment from Wy Jung
Well written and implemented. Didn't see that ending coming!
I like how the story unfolded and could clearly see the scene. The only thing I'd improve on would be that I'd like to "see" Ray's home a little better, maybe just a few details. Otherwise, kudos. ..well done!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Well written and implemented. Didn't see that ending coming!
I like how the story unfolded and could clearly see the scene. The only thing I'd improve on would be that I'd like to "see" Ray's home a little better, maybe just a few details. Otherwise, kudos. ..well done!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. I am glad you like the story. Your suggestion for some more description of Ray's home is a good one. I might see what I can do to amend the storyline a little.
Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from royowen
This is a great story Barry, and they finish up giving each other a hug, happy that they can pass off counterfeit notes, with their obvious great conclusion, I was wondering if the messengers were paid in counterfeit note, well done Barry, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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This is a great story Barry, and they finish up giving each other a hug, happy that they can pass off counterfeit notes, with their obvious great conclusion, I was wondering if the messengers were paid in counterfeit note, well done Barry, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Thanks Roy for your kind review. Glad you liked it. The boys were paid real money. A very subtle hint was given when he paid the original boy from his left pocket. Might have to improve that aspect of the story. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry
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You too
