Comment from tempeste

Exceptional

Ciao,

I love how you found this creative approach to speak about love by describing one of several physical reaction that we experience ..

Dry mouth, clammy hands , heart beat accelerates, dilated pupils are others.


A stunning piece of artwork.

PS: I don't think :
thoughts,
her
And neck
rhyme though. ( sigh)

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2024

---

reply by the author on 08-Feb-2024

You are correct. I entered the contest and forgot to see the rhyme requirement. It was a waste of my FanStory credits.

reply by tempeste on 08-Feb-2024

I?m sorry I didn?t read your entry before the deadline , I would have advised you like I have done for others.

That said ,

the committee should have advised you after the deadline and

Or ,
Given you a choice to edit.

Or ,
If it didnt want to give you that opportunity your poem should have been disqualified and removed from the contest

Either way it should not have been allowed to be there unedited.

I hope you understand my criticism is NOT towards you but the committee that failed to do its job.

A week ago a poet wrote a 1-6-1 and instead of presenting three different last words that rhymed ( that?s where the challenge is after all) the first and last line had the same word.

It should have been disqualified yet it was not.

That in my eyes is wrong especially if it?s a paid contest.

That?s not fair for the other participants that posted three different rhyming last words .

I hope you see my reasoning.

The committee failed to do its part.

Comment from kahpot

Excellent

This is a wonderfully constructed short poem, the reader can imagine the body's reaction when the eyes first see love, very well written and best wishes for your contest****kahpot

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2024

---

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024

Thanks for your review and thoughts for this 1-6-1 poem.

Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

You should have entered this in the contest, my friend. A winner in my eyes. Wonderfully crafted and illustrated in a most difficult rhyming form. A virtual six and compliments.
Sending you my best today as always.
Sal :))

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2024

---

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024

Thanks for your review Sally. It was meant to be a contest entry. I paid, but released it before I selected the contest )-;

Mark

reply by Sally Law on 07-Feb-2024

I?ve done that before. Splendid poem, nonetheless. Blessings,
Sal :))

Comment from karenina

Excellent

My mind reads this as:

"Thoughts of love
cause throbs
in her neck "

(The pulse quickens with emotion?)

I'd live to know your thoughts on presenting it as throbs causing love...

Clearly, I'm missing something!

Karenina

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2024

---

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2024

K

Your version is so much stronger! It was meant to entered in a contest that I paid for, but somehow released it without selecting the contest link)-;

M

reply by karenina on 07-Feb-2024

I've done that. (grrrr)---

Hey, anytime you approve of a suggestion I'm glad I spoke up!