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Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "A New Life Begins"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
22 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
That rabbit looks demented. Just saying. I still have more to get through. This is so involving am going to copy this so I can read faster. I like this story very much. But without any points. I need to increase my time. I hope this does not offend you in any way. Karen
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That rabbit looks demented. Just saying. I still have more to get through. This is so involving am going to copy this so I can read faster. I like this story very much. But without any points. I need to increase my time. I hope this does not offend you in any way. Karen
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very interesting. And very well written.
I think I would have expected at least one of Theo's parents to address him, at least once, as Anthos.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2024
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Very interesting. And very well written.
I think I would have expected at least one of Theo's parents to address him, at least once, as Anthos.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2024
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Yes, Wayne, you?re right. I had that originally, but people were getting confused, so I left it out. I?ll probably go back and address it before actually publishing.
Thank you,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
Another excellent chapter in the book as we get to see the home of Phoebus
and Dainthe. I've never been in the house of a god, but this one seems very inviting. I like the bay windows and connection to nature. I thought there might be a gigantic aquarium since Poseidon is Phoebus' father. :)
It appears that Echo is not only welcome, but expected. I suspect she and Theo will have an interesting chat in the garden.
A nice peaceful chapter. Makes one want to visit.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2024
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Hello Rhonda,
Another excellent chapter in the book as we get to see the home of Phoebus
and Dainthe. I've never been in the house of a god, but this one seems very inviting. I like the bay windows and connection to nature. I thought there might be a gigantic aquarium since Poseidon is Phoebus' father. :)
It appears that Echo is not only welcome, but expected. I suspect she and Theo will have an interesting chat in the garden.
A nice peaceful chapter. Makes one want to visit.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 17-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2024
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Hi Robert, I'm sorry this response is late coming, but I already responded and it reappeared, so I'm not sure what's going on with that, but I do thank you for the six stars and the comments as both are invaluable.
On the aquarium, keep in mind you haven't seen the whole house yet, just the parlor and one hall. We're on the same vein, more-or-less.
The chat in the garden is a given, lol.
Thank you again,
Rhonda
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Nicely done you made it look so cozy and down to earth. The queen acts like a normal citizen. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2024
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Nicely done you made it look so cozy and down to earth. The queen acts like a normal citizen. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for the review, Iza! I can always count on you,
Rhonda
Comment from Daylily
A chapter highlighting your excellent skill at believable dialogue. I used to live in St. Louis and went to the botanical gardens several times. They fit the image I had when reading your story's garden description. Lovely landscaped gardens can be very revitalizing. :-)
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2024
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A chapter highlighting your excellent skill at believable dialogue. I used to live in St. Louis and went to the botanical gardens several times. They fit the image I had when reading your story's garden description. Lovely landscaped gardens can be very revitalizing. :-)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2024
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Hi Lily, and thank you so much for the six stars and great review!!
I already responded on this once, but it reappeared today, so I'll try to remember what I said, lol.
I love gardens, especially botanical gardens, so I had to include them in this story. Thank you for commenting on them.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Now I'm wondering if Hannah was modeled after your sweet Kylie.
What a great meeting with Theo's family. I was reminded of a new member's post about the "axis mundi" - a connection between the two worlds. I'm a little concerned from a Christian reader's perspective as to how you will use the gods of Greek mythology in your story. But at this point, it just feels like a normal, loving family greeting their son's beloved.
It is a serious breach of protecol (protocol)
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2024
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Now I'm wondering if Hannah was modeled after your sweet Kylie.
What a great meeting with Theo's family. I was reminded of a new member's post about the "axis mundi" - a connection between the two worlds. I'm a little concerned from a Christian reader's perspective as to how you will use the gods of Greek mythology in your story. But at this point, it just feels like a normal, loving family greeting their son's beloved.
It is a serious breach of protecol (protocol)
Comment Written 16-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2024
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Hi Helen, the gods have a lot of symbolism in them, but in one chapter, Theo tells Echo that they are just servants of God, which there is only one of, just different. I'll bring it back up again in the next chapter. Thanks for bringing it up so I can clarify their position.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Julie Helms
I am jumping in here in the middle of your story, but there are some observations I can make. You do dialogue very well. You are good at not over using tags, but using them when you need them. You also do descriptions very well. Walking by the garden into the house was beautifully described, for example.
I do have a few corrections to offer if you were so inclined:
"...she wasn't able to distinguish individual flowers, but did recognise quality."
You do not use a comma here because there is a dependent clause following the "but". You would use a comma for an independent clause like this:
"Flowers, but SHE did recognize..."
Same issue in the paragraph after that:
"...wasn't good at gauging sizes, but guessed it..."
Either remove the comma, or add a subject after the "but".
"This may sound cliche, Echo said, "but you don't ..."
You just missed the closing quote after 'cliche'
You are an excellent writer and I enjoyed reading this! Julie
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I am jumping in here in the middle of your story, but there are some observations I can make. You do dialogue very well. You are good at not over using tags, but using them when you need them. You also do descriptions very well. Walking by the garden into the house was beautifully described, for example.
I do have a few corrections to offer if you were so inclined:
"...she wasn't able to distinguish individual flowers, but did recognise quality."
You do not use a comma here because there is a dependent clause following the "but". You would use a comma for an independent clause like this:
"Flowers, but SHE did recognize..."
Same issue in the paragraph after that:
"...wasn't good at gauging sizes, but guessed it..."
Either remove the comma, or add a subject after the "but".
"This may sound cliche, Echo said, "but you don't ..."
You just missed the closing quote after 'cliche'
You are an excellent writer and I enjoyed reading this! Julie
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Hi Julie,
I appreciate your review so much, especially as you are a new reader. Sometimes it helps to go in in the middle because you can pick up on things others might miss.
I appreciate the spag findings, and I will fix those at once.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Thanks so much for the reviewing vote, Rhonda! :-)
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My pleasure. I appreciate the help.
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent descriptions put the reader in this fantastic world which feels familiar and new at the same time. The dialogue is realistic and engaging. I want to be right there with Echo meeting the family.
It's no surprise that Phoebus is aware (and indulgent) of his son's visits to the mortal world.
Hannah seems like the seven-year-old children I know. One minute so childish and in the next so wise.
What a wonderful family so far.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Excellent descriptions put the reader in this fantastic world which feels familiar and new at the same time. The dialogue is realistic and engaging. I want to be right there with Echo meeting the family.
It's no surprise that Phoebus is aware (and indulgent) of his son's visits to the mortal world.
Hannah seems like the seven-year-old children I know. One minute so childish and in the next so wise.
What a wonderful family so far.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hi Debi, thank you for the six star review, and six star comments. They are deeply appreciated!
Everything you said is helpful. I'm glad the world seems both familiar and new. That was what I was going for.
Phoebus tries to indulge, but be in charge, and I'm glad Hannah came across as authentic.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is beautifully and flawlessly written, Ronda, and I'm so sorry I have nothing more to give you. The transition from the forest into this grand mansion, the centre of Theo's family world, has been fluently made with lovely descriptive detail and introductions to very credible characters in the form of Theo's sister and parents. Echo doesn't seem at all intimidated in the presence of the king and quickly launches into her concern about the spectres, eager to hear how they will be dealt with. Well done for yet another excellent and well crafted read. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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This is beautifully and flawlessly written, Ronda, and I'm so sorry I have nothing more to give you. The transition from the forest into this grand mansion, the centre of Theo's family world, has been fluently made with lovely descriptive detail and introductions to very credible characters in the form of Theo's sister and parents. Echo doesn't seem at all intimidated in the presence of the king and quickly launches into her concern about the spectres, eager to hear how they will be dealt with. Well done for yet another excellent and well crafted read. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hi Debbie,
Thank you so much for the your supportive review, my friend!
I'm glad the description worked out. I tend to lean too much on dialogue and have to concentrate on including setting as well.
Echo has the benefit of being a reporter. She had to learn early on to ignore rank, lol.
Thanks again, you're a sweetheart!!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Your story continues to get better with each chapter. I am enjoying the story immensely. I hope you publish this when it is completed. Keep writing and I will keep reading
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Your story continues to get better with each chapter. I am enjoying the story immensely. I hope you publish this when it is completed. Keep writing and I will keep reading
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hi, thank you so much for your review, my friend. I?m glad you?re enjoying it, and I do plan to publish if I can get the right things together to do it.
Hugs,
Rhonda