The Objective View
The system of Narcissists & the shepherd; his sheep5 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Firstly, welcome to fanstory, I liked this fashionably affective poem, by offsetting the narrative, I found it a little off putting. The staggered zig zag pattern was a distracting, I found it hard to concentrate. But well done, I would like to see it, normalised. It's affective if on shorter pieces, well done, good prospects, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
  |
Firstly, welcome to fanstory, I liked this fashionably affective poem, by offsetting the narrative, I found it a little off putting. The staggered zig zag pattern was a distracting, I found it hard to concentrate. But well done, I would like to see it, normalised. It's affective if on shorter pieces, well done, good prospects, blessings Roy
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
-
Thank you so much! I was having a bit of a hard time gauging the allotted space & figuring out the pattern from journal to online format. I will edit it later so it will be semi-normalized, I appreciate your candor!
-
Well done
-
Thank you so much for your welcome love! I honestly was nervous to write and share on here. These are poems I have not shared with anyone yet; most are just journal entries that I've turned into poems just by display & how I deliver it. I am working on putting audio to the poems so it gets the proper delivery. I'm so sorry it has taken so long for me to respond.
-
Thank you so much for your welcome love! I honestly was nervous to write and share on here. These are poems I have not shared with anyone yet; most are just journal entries that I've turned into poems just by display & how I deliver it. I am working on putting audio to the poems so it gets the proper delivery. I'm so sorry it has taken so long for me to respond.
-
Most welcome
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Stef
I felt like this one read alright. It was a little too easy to miss a word to continue, so therefore, I needed to back up. To me this missed the mark a little bit as I tended to get a little bored by words that seemed to be more for their startling component than for a poetic sense. I think definitely you have something to say and look forward to your further progression in the writing of poetry. Good luck.
xo Kiwi
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
|
Hello Stef
I felt like this one read alright. It was a little too easy to miss a word to continue, so therefore, I needed to back up. To me this missed the mark a little bit as I tended to get a little bored by words that seemed to be more for their startling component than for a poetic sense. I think definitely you have something to say and look forward to your further progression in the writing of poetry. Good luck.
xo Kiwi
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
-
Thank you so much lovie! I am rarely looking for shock value, but also I think I did a little too much editing & I was concerned it was going to come across as less than what it was supposed to be.
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is a strong poignant opinion piece. You leave no doubts in your reader's minded exactly where you stand.
This line was interesting:
LABEL.
THEY PLAY THE SPADE
THEY THOUGHT WAS A DIAMOND.
Very enjoyable.
D
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
|
This is a strong poignant opinion piece. You leave no doubts in your reader's minded exactly where you stand.
This line was interesting:
LABEL.
THEY PLAY THE SPADE
THEY THOUGHT WAS A DIAMOND.
Very enjoyable.
D
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
-
Thank you so much love!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I love this metaphor - 'TIL THE LAST DROP OF
THE SEA EVAPORATES
ME- les jeux sont fais rien ne va plus, kind of exit.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
|
I love this metaphor - 'TIL THE LAST DROP OF
THE SEA EVAPORATES
ME- les jeux sont fais rien ne va plus, kind of exit.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
-
Thank you so much dollface! I have no idea where it came from, but I am certain it's from my souls core fire!
Comment from Karen Cherry
The freestyle ranting brought it all to the surface. You made it raw and undenied. I enjoyed the frantic nature of your writing. Cleverly done. Karen
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
|
The freestyle ranting brought it all to the surface. You made it raw and undenied. I enjoyed the frantic nature of your writing. Cleverly done. Karen
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
-
Thank You very much!
-
you are very welcome. Karen
