Wishing & Hoping
A peaceful world should happen.4 total reviews
Comment from Sarah Tummey
You fitted this perfectly to the specifications.
Reading your title made me think of a Dusty Springfield song with a similar title, but a totally different subject!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2024
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You fitted this perfectly to the specifications.
Reading your title made me think of a Dusty Springfield song with a similar title, but a totally different subject!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from tempeste
Ciao ,
I have been following what's going on in America and I fear nothing good is ahead.
I too hope matters calm down in the Middle East but I can see leaders are heading towards war.
PS: this is a word count contest and not a syllable one
Eg: The second line should have two words not two syllables
You could put : our vote
Best of luck!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Ciao ,
I have been following what's going on in America and I fear nothing good is ahead.
I too hope matters calm down in the Middle East but I can see leaders are heading towards war.
PS: this is a word count contest and not a syllable one
Eg: The second line should have two words not two syllables
You could put : our vote
Best of luck!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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It's done. Thank you for your help and kind review!
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Ciao ! 😐
you now have two votes! 🍀
Comment from Aaron Milavec
You bravely tackle a grave world problem.
You write: I wish
voting
can make a difference
Better to say: I wish
voting
could make a difference.
Line 5 - 2 words [U have only one], Line 6 - 2 words and Line 7 - 2 words
Possible rewrite of line 5-7:
Our whales
don't have
a voice/vote.
Hence, needs reworking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish I could say all is well, but more errors are presented:
I wish
our vote
could make a difference in peace [awkward construction]
in this nightmarish world, we live ["we live" is left hanging]
Our justice [2 words now]
doesn't have
a voice
Here is my alternative:
I wish
our vote
could somehow bring peace and joy
to this, our sad, nightmarish world.
Our yearnings
don't have
any voice.
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
 |
You bravely tackle a grave world problem.
You write: I wish
voting
can make a difference
Better to say: I wish
voting
could make a difference.
Line 5 - 2 words [U have only one], Line 6 - 2 words and Line 7 - 2 words
Possible rewrite of line 5-7:
Our whales
don't have
a voice/vote.
Hence, needs reworking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish I could say all is well, but more errors are presented:
I wish
our vote
could make a difference in peace [awkward construction]
in this nightmarish world, we live ["we live" is left hanging]
Our justice [2 words now]
doesn't have
a voice
Here is my alternative:
I wish
our vote
could somehow bring peace and joy
to this, our sad, nightmarish world.
Our yearnings
don't have
any voice.
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Thank you for your review! It's changed. Is it better now for a five star rating? Please revise it.
Comment from Julie G1
Well written. This poem is a great and timely response to the prompt. The poet used an apt, concise choice of language and vivid imagery. The graphic was also effective. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Well written. This poem is a great and timely response to the prompt. The poet used an apt, concise choice of language and vivid imagery. The graphic was also effective. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Thank you!
