The Workshop
A small group comes to a truly unusual workshop2 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
I think you have an interesting subject, but it is hard to read because of the SPAG errors, poor sentence and paragraph structure, and over-use of ellipses.
Examples:
The voice somewhere from off was cooing at everyone.
- This line needs a rewrite, and clarification.
with an {eopen} mind - not to jeopardize the legitimacy of the "game," of your experience."
-open
but then realizing there {is} no other way but to proceed
-was (maintain past tense)
Her body started to react. It seemed - his also..
-How?
He felt it; was hard enough to notice.
- rewrite this line
JOshua's eye brows went up. The woman whispered, "it's OK, go for it..." An
- Do not mix multiple speakers or actors in one line or paragraph.
"OK, gentlemen... Now it's time... to pull off that bra... don't be nervous [ missing word] what you will see
-about, over
Why do you think the early people {were} nothing?"
-Why do you think the early people wore nothing?"
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
   |
I think you have an interesting subject, but it is hard to read because of the SPAG errors, poor sentence and paragraph structure, and over-use of ellipses.
Examples:
The voice somewhere from off was cooing at everyone.
- This line needs a rewrite, and clarification.
with an {eopen} mind - not to jeopardize the legitimacy of the "game," of your experience."
-open
but then realizing there {is} no other way but to proceed
-was (maintain past tense)
Her body started to react. It seemed - his also..
-How?
He felt it; was hard enough to notice.
- rewrite this line
JOshua's eye brows went up. The woman whispered, "it's OK, go for it..." An
- Do not mix multiple speakers or actors in one line or paragraph.
"OK, gentlemen... Now it's time... to pull off that bra... don't be nervous [ missing word] what you will see
-about, over
Why do you think the early people {were} nothing?"
-Why do you think the early people wore nothing?"
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Thanks... I was hoping the "spell check" function would take care of most of the errors, guess not. I'll go over it again.
Truth be told... I must have had a fever of... over 102 writing this... Was feeling rotten, but had to get it out of my head. I am going through all your suggestions now, thanks!
Comment from Thesis
Sammy, the story is creative and an interesting idea. The problem is that there are so many typo's, misuse of words and capitalization, that it takes away from the flow of the story. The use of an online editing program would help you avoid these pitfalls.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Sammy, the story is creative and an interesting idea. The problem is that there are so many typo's, misuse of words and capitalization, that it takes away from the flow of the story. The use of an online editing program would help you avoid these pitfalls.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Thanks!!! Sounds like you didn't mind the story itself? Just the technicalities?
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I'm open to all stories. Yes, the technicalities hinder your story.
