Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I liked the story in your notes even better. I know it's hard to give all the details with just fifty words. Still you ended with the shake and let the reader imagine the scattering! Sorry I missed voting in the contest! Some parents just don't help kids consider others!

 Comment Written 29-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023

Hello Helen,
It was always trying with some of the native kids there. The culture is pretty lenient towards discipline, especially in the younger generation. The old timers wouldn't hesitate to speak out if they saw kids acting up. It's a matriarical society, and it used to be that the discipline was left to the uncles, I think so that the kids didn't have hard feelings toward their parents. This particular lady used to come in with her kid and I would just cringe. He was always causing some issue in the store. Thanks so much for the fine review gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom

reply by lyenochka on 29-Dec-2023

I can imagine how that would be difficult for you! Come to think of it, there are a number of cultures that are very lenient towards boys in general ...

Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill

Excellent

It is a shame that he and his mother could not have been pelted about the head and face with the pellets, or how about a slip and fall on the pellets onto their prospective keisters! The picture is delightful. Your writing was very nostalgic and I saw it play out in my head. Good writing. Karen

 Comment Written 27-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023

Hello Karen,
thanks so much for your hilarious review. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. However, I was on the ferry once going to Juneau when another unruly child was terrorizing the paying passengers by running pell-mell all around the lounge when people were resting. It was another case of mom just being oblivious to his behavior. The kid ran around a corner and slid into a row of unmovable chairs and got hurt. Frankly, I laughed. Mr. Compassionate. Eventually the law of sowing and reaping sets in, we don't always get to witness it though. Have a blessed day gal.
Tom

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Unbelievable how irresponsible mothers can be! I'm not surprised you were furious and felt compelled to write this well expressed little flash. I wish you luck in the contest. Debbie

 Comment Written 24-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 25-Dec-2023

Hello Debbie,
Merry Christmas to you and your family. The Alaskan native village where I lived for over forty years was more lax in the discipline of their children. It hadn't always been that way. In the old days the uncles would discipline the kids so there wouldn't be any hard feelings towards the parents I believe. By the time we arrived on scene, the government had screwed things up so bad with all kinds of social programs and what not that the sense of pride and discipline was largely a thing of the past for the younger generation. Thanks so much for the fine review gal.
Blessings,
Tom

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 25-Dec-2023

You're welcome. My husband seems to spend his life disciplining other people's children. But they always seem to take note.

Comment from Daylily

Excellent

If there is trouble lurking around somewhere, an inquisitive child is sure to find it.

It is easy to picture all those BBs scattering everywhere and the groans let out by the adults. It is a funny true life story, but most certainly was not to the individuals involved. Of course, that child probably got a big kick out of telling people about it for a long time afterwards!

 Comment Written 24-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Hello,
thank you for the fine review. The mother was actually quite aloof. I hated to see her come in to the store, she didn't believe in discipline and the kid acted accordingly. It runs in my mind he was involved in a serious altercation later on in life, perhaps even going to jail or worse.

reply by Daylily on 24-Dec-2023

It is sad to see children who are not being taught adequately, nor nourished enough, to give them the tools to live lives that turn out well. It happens far too often.

Comment from Rachelle Allen

Excellent

Oy! If only you'd had your BB gun handy; you could have had some target practice!

This was a very entertaining story. I would change one word, though. It confused me when I read it, and my consternation wasn't satisfied until I read your Author's Notes. Rather than "gave them a good shake before dropping them with a thud onto the counter where they came from," I'd have understood it better if you'd written "shelf" where they came from. To me, a counter is where you go to pay. So that's why I wasn't quite understanding. Do keep in mind, though, that this thought has the potential of being worth exactly what you paid me for it!! hahaha.

Good luck in the contest. It's a really good story. Your descriptions were so vivid that I could absolutely imagine myself there and witnessing the little creep and his equally obnoxious mother. (My father used to refer to retail work --and waitressing-- as "a lesson in humility.") xo

 Comment Written 24-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Thank you for your suggestion. I think it's probably too late to change, but I'll try. The mother came from a culture where discipline was usually meted out by the uncle, if at all, so the kid was a brat. I think it eventually caught up with him unfortunately. The law of sowing and reaping can't be denied.

reply by Rachelle Allen on 24-Dec-2023

You're definitely right about that!!

Comment from Rosemary Everson1

Excellent

Must have been a trying experience. They have always said that boys will always be boys. Strange that the mom wouldn't have said something to her son. Like your story even tho he was wrong not to help pick up the BB's.

 Comment Written 24-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Thank you for your fine review. The culture that this boy was raised in overlooked a lot of what you and I would consider inappropriate behavior, thus so many of the kids suffered later in life from a lack of discipline growing up.

Comment from Navada

Excellent

Yep, this kid's behaviour, and even more so, his Mum's, left a great deal to be desired and it's worthy of condemnation. Why was his weight an intrinsic part of the story though? Couldn't he just be the irritating kid, not the fat kid?

 Comment Written 24-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Thanks for your comments. You're right, I could have used a different description, I guess I'm not politically correct. He and his mother were both obese, in part because of a total lack of discipline in their lives. I hated to see them come into the store for that very reason. He was allowed to do whatever he wanted without any reprimand from his mom, and it didn't sit well with me, especially since I was the one who had to deal with the aftermath.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

What an annoying child. But, not being from your country, I must ask what are BBs? I assumed they were sweets .... And the mother needs to wake up s bit and show some responsibility for her child. Well written. Best wished for your entry.
Wendy

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Hello,
thanks for your comments. BB's are small, round, projectiles, about a tenth of the size of the tip of your little finger. I believe they are steel or lead, and covered in copper. They are made to shoot from an air rifle and have been responsible for countless broken windows and probably more than a few eyes damaged. They are actually a good way to start a child on the do's and don'ts of gun safety. Unfortunately, some parents gift them to their kids without the necessary rules that should accompany having any type of gun.

reply by Wendy G on 24-Dec-2023

Oh my goodness. Most Australians don't own guns. Except for police, farmers, and criminals. I have only ever seen a gun in a policeman's holster, and that would be the same for most of us.

reply by the author on 25-Dec-2023

I understand, and as long as people and the government obey the law, it may well work for you down there. We have many hard won freedoms here, and our founding fathers, in all of their wisdom knew that men would seek to gain more power and would use the government to control the people unjustly if left to their own devices. Having fire arms helps to hold those who would be tyrants at bay. There is a saying here-when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. I hope you've had a blessed Christmas gal.
Tom

Comment from Janis M.

Excellent

Honestly, I would have been already saying something to that kid and the mother. There is no law against verbal reprimand. Even if people get angry. My husband has had to a number of times in the store for being out right rude.

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Hello, thanks for reading this. I couldn't agree more, but I was living in a town where the culture was much more lenient towards their children, and I was still considered an outsider. I actually may have made a comment, but it went right over mom's head.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

This is an excellent 50word story containing, beginning, middle, end and twist,

The mother probably went and bought her fat brat, as you called him,an ice cream when they were done.

Best of luck in the contest.
John

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023

Thanks for the entertaining comments. This particular child wasn't denied much, but if memory serves me correctly, the lack of discipline when he was growing up came back to bit him in the backside. Either he was involved in a dangerous conflict or was the recipient of someone's anger after he was grown.